


Letting Go

by secretsheik



Category: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Adventure, F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-25 23:58:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 71,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17131142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretsheik/pseuds/secretsheik
Summary: Tifa has had enough of Cloud's empty promises, and Vincent does what he can to help her pick up the pieces. In their quest to recover from their painful pasts, they come upon an adventure that none of them had thought possible before. VinTifa. Advent Children is considered canon in this story, and a couple elements of DoC.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a repost of my already existing copy on FFNet, presented here for all of you lovely people. It enters into AO3 unedited (aside from an edit of a minor continuity error and a couple typos) and may contain things I may no longer be satisfied with story-wise. On the whole, though, I'm still pretty satisfied with how it turned out and the reception it received, and hope you will all enjoy it as well. (also I don't know if these folks celebrate holidays but eh)

Letting Go

 

* * *

Time flowed differently for someone like Vincent Valentine. He literally had all the time in the world, and yet it slipped by either too fast or too slow. Each snowflake that fell outside his window sometimes fell in slow motion, his sharp gaze analyzing each one as it fell. People walking the streets below glided one by one down the sidewalk, footprints slowly filled by the steady snowfall. A peaceful scene like this was but one of many he had slowly grown accustomed to in the six months since Bahamut SIN had devastated the central monument in Edge. His breath fogged the glass in front of him, minuscule droplets condensing on the slick surface.

A light buzz in his pocket startled him from his reflections, still caught off guard every time his phone rang or received a text. _I swear I'll never get used to these damn things._ He took it out, holding it at a safe distance as he looked at the screen. **Group Mtg at 7thH @ 5P 4all**. Just by looking at it, he felt a headache threatening to form. _I thought I barred you from ever calling my phone, Yuffie. Oh, wait this is... a text. I should have specified._ He made a mental note to possibly bar any and all things coming to his phone from Yuffie, but then a text wasn't quite as bad as listening to her. _I know it was you, too, only you could send something so poorly constructed as this message. I don't even know how to respond to this._

His loose black hair fell across his eyes as he shook his head. Though he didn't know what the meeting would be for, he would show up. It was something to do. Little by little, he found things to occupy his time. Ordinary, mundane things that others took for granted. Taking odd jobs for money, helping his old neighbor with her groceries, meeting up with the others on occasion when all of them were gathered here in Edge. This had been one of those times, everyone here for the holiday season. He was one of the three that still remained in Edge for the long term, mostly for lack of anywhere else he wanted to go. The rest was keeping an eye on Shinra.

He glanced at the analog clock across the room, the long hands boldly stating a quarter after three. Looking around his immaculate, under-furnished apartment, finding nothing to clean or fix, he was again at a loss for something to fill the time. Without being occupied, he knew it was all too easy to fall back into his guilty brooding. Despite all that he and the others had done, he still felt that he could have, should have done more to prevent all that he had unknowingly set into motion all those years ago.

The logical part of his mind told him that he couldn't have known what would become of Hojo's experiment, couldn't have known that someone like Sephiroth would have come of it. Nobody could have, it was an experiment after all. Still, he had known it could be dangerous, that it could result in any number of things. That, and he had genuinely cared for Lucrecia, and out of his real concern he should have done more to stop her, yet he had been unable to.

A minute ticked by on the clock, his reflections not helping him waste time until the meeting. Figuring at the very least he could help Tifa set up for the gathering, he left his apartment quickly, only pausing to put on his dark winter coat over his deep gray turtleneck sweater, slipping on heavy snow boots and stepping out into the sharp, awakening cold. It wasn't a very long walk to the new location of 7 th Heaven, but he walked leisurely to make himself look less desperate for a change in scenery. Edge wasn't exactly scenic right now anyway, but it had made great strides in the years after Meteor. The geostigma issue had been cured but there was still much left to be done.

From the outside, the bar didn't look like much, just as beat up as everything else, only its sign showing its identity. He knew, though, that once inside, everything would be different. When he was actually inside, however, it wasn't the kind of different he had remembered. True, he had not come here in a good few months, but this was very odd.

Dirty glasses and plates were piling up in the sink, sometimes not even picked up from the outer tables. The floor looked unswept, the tables somewhat displaced. As for the woman who had previously kept everything spotless despite the nature of a bar environment, she looked worn and tired, almost haggard. Tifa went about her job trying to smile to her customers, tending to their needs, but her lackluster smile didn't reach her eyes and she was clearly already tired. Though the bar was only open now for lunch and closed later for the meeting, it was still only the middle of the day.

She noticed him standing there in the doorway eventually, uncertain of where to go, and put down the empty glass she should have picked up an hour ago. “You're early.” Her tone was polite and she attempted a small smile, looking up at him with false cheer. She could fool the usual bar patron, but not him, though he covered up his suspicions with practiced grace.

“I had thought you may need help preparing for the meeting later.”

As expected, she pushed off the offer with a fake laugh. “I'm alright, I just need to clean up, maybe cook a little, set everything up. It's nothing I can't manage.” His ruby eyes seemed to pierce straight through the lie, penetrating her shield until she crumbled under his gaze. “Alright, maybe I do need a little help.” She almost squirmed when his gaze grew sharper. “Fine, a lot of help! I could really use your help right now.”

“It is not a problem, Tifa,” he said, already anticipating her fears. “I am glad to be of help in any way I can.” Not giving her any time to protest, he grabbed a plastic bin, removed his coat and hung it on a peg by the door, and began bussing the dirty tables. Tifa knew by now not to argue when he was driven and determined to do something, and she went back to serving her customers. He worked quickly and efficiently but once in a while, he saw her out of the corner of his eye, listlessly picking at dried food on a plate or rubbing the same spot on a table, blanking out. It was never long enough for others to seem concerned, but it raised a few warning flags in the back of his mind.

When the clock struck four-thirty, all of the patrons slowly cleared out and he approached her, staring long and hard as she gazed vacantly at a chip on the counter. He cleared his throat, startling her. “It is nearly time for the meeting. Go take a break, I will cook.”

She blinked, confused, leaning back nonchalantly. “Since when do you cook?”

“I learned. Please, go rest before everyone gets here.”

“Do I really look that horrible?” she asked, looking somewhat worried.

Recognizing this as what Cid referred to a female's never-a-right-answer statement, he avoided a direct answer. “I know how hard you work each day and it is best to rest while you are able to.”

She almost gave a real smile, only somewhat faded by whatever plagued her. “As long as you're sure...”

“I promise not to set your kitchen afire,” he said with a very subtle touch of humor, finally winning the barest smile from her. Once she retreated back into the private area of the bar, he set himself to work finding pots and pans for one of a few recipes he had once memorized during one of his streaks of free time last month. He gave himself a mental nod, knowing one of those was one of her favorites. Maybe this would help cheer her up. Maybe it would give him even a small slice of purpose.

As the bar served meals as well as drinks, the kitchen was stocked with most of what he needed. A few substitutes would be needed, but it would be just fine. Chopped vegetables, chicken, even a can of pineapple went into the mix as he set the mildly spicy curry to stew on a back burner. The clock edged past four-fifty as the first of the group came into the bar.

“Dammit Shera, nobody's even here yet! I told ya it's fashionable to be late around here, nobody ever fucking shows up early!” Cid rounded the corner to the kitchen with Shera at his side, a proprietary arm around her waist. “What the hell's this, Valentine? You tryin' to poison us all? When the hell did you get here?”

Vincent turned around, holding out the spoon to offer him a taste. “It is far from being poison, Highwind, have a taste.” He smirked to himself, knowing his subtle challenge wouldn't register.

“Oh no, no no, I'm not gonna fall for that shit! You eat it first!”

Shera rolled her eyes, taking the spoon with a huff. “Don't be ridiculous, Cid, he wouldn't poison us.” Blowing on the curry to cool it before tasting, she hummed with delight as she savored the bite. “Oh, this is delicious, I need this recipe! Go on, try it,” she said, taking another spoonful for Cid.

He grumbled, grudgingly taking the offending object. “Down the hatch, I guess. Nothin' else, we're both gonna die together.” His eyes widened, however, when he tasted the curry. “This aint half bad, Valentine. Where'd you learn to be cookin' stuff like this?”

Vincent leveled him a half-hearted glare. “I would redirect you to a cookbook if I were more certain you could read.”

“What the- That's it, Valentine, you're fucking dead!” Shera barely managed to hold him back, restraining him until he calmed down to speak in words and sentences. “Yeah whatever, you'll make a fine wife someday! Fuck, I need a smoke.” He tore away from Shera's grip, slamming the door as he went outside.

“Don't mind him,” she stated, turning to face him. “He's been a little on edge lately with all the repair jobs he's taken on. It's been very stressful.”

Vincent only nodded, turning back to stirring the curry. “I won't antagonize him further. The others will arrive soon, please feel free to relax.”

“I can't relax when there's so much to be done! I'll set up the tables and plates. Where's Tifa?”

“Upstairs resting. If you could help set up, I will mind the stove.”

“Ah... sure.” She suspected something might be wrong with Tifa, but she kept it to herself. Halfway through the setup, most of the others arrived, precisely a minute late. Tifa also emerged from the back, Marlene following behind her, drawn to the wonderful smell in the kitchen. Her mood had improved a little, and she put on a believably cheerful face for the others, but he could still see the lack of sparkle in her eyes. The reason for this quickly made itself blatantly clear, at least to him.

“Wow, that smells great! Looks like everyone is... where's Cloud?”

Yuffie came in from the doorway, sending off another text in a flurry. “He has that delivery job, right? I'm sending him another text.”

“Didn't he have the day off?” Shera asked, puzzled.

“He didn't even answer my first text, I'm not sure he's even by his phone. Maybe he has some other job going?”

Tifa chewed her lip nervously, her eyes dimming further. “I know he has today off, he told me last week. Well... maybe he's just late.”

Finally Barret couldn't stay quiet any longer and he banged the surface of a nearby table with frustration. “If he's late he can't damn well complain he missed anything! We're starting without him!” He fell with a heavy huff into one of the chairs around the large table, arms crossed imperiously. “Well, what are you all waiting for?”

Vincent spoke quietly into the tense silence. “Dinner is almost finished, why don't we start on a salad while we wait?”

Shera picked up on his tactics immediately, shooing everyone to the table as he quickly cut up lettuce, cucumbers and carrots into an impromptu salad. As he watched the woman start up a lively conversation, he mentally sighed.  _ You owe me, Cloud, but you better show up soon. I can't stall them forever. _ He glanced up at the clock again. Five-fifteen. The salad was finished quickly, and he took a bit of extra time getting the bowls, staring at Yuffie until she helped him grab several types of dressing for the table. By the time everyone had finished their salads, his curry was fully cooked, steaming and served over rice on their plates. They gave up the pretense of waiting for Cloud, beginning the meeting over food.

Red XIII, now known as his real name Nanaki, perched awkwardly on a chair, doing his best to eat neatly. He paused briefly in his repositioning to speak. “What is this meeting for, Tifa?”

She had recovered from her gloomy expression when she had seen what was for dinner, her eyes lighting up slightly. Now she seemed more relaxed, though Cloud's absence clearly bothered her. “As you know, the holidays are coming and I would love to decorate the place. I was hoping I could turn this meeting into a decorating party!”

Yuffie jumped from her seat with a cheer. “Yes, time to wreck the halls! I mean deck the halls!”

“With you, girl, it's all one in the same,” Cid remarked. Everyone laughed as she returned to her chair sheepishly.

“Do you have enough decorations?” Shera asked.

“I should. Everything from last year is in the attic, so I'll need everyone's help getting everything ready.”

From her seat between Barret and Tifa, Marlene raised her small hand. “Oh, can I decorate the tree? Please?”

Barret chuckled, lifting her to his lap. “I don't know, do you think you can reach the star this year?”

“You can help me reach, right?”

“You bet I will, sweetheart, let's do a great job for Tifa.”

Nanaki licked off his plate neatly as he responded. “I'm not sure how much help I would be, but I'll do what I can.”

“Oh, I know,” Shera said, “You have a good eye, Nanaki, why don't you make sure we're hanging the decorations straight?”

“That sounds like something I could do.”

With a frown, Yuffie grumbled at her phone. “Bad news, guys, he's not coming.”

Cid sneered. “Did he give a damn reason, at least?”

“No, just that he's not coming.”

“That figures,” Tifa spat, throwing her napkin on the table. “Well screw him, we'll have a fun decorating party without him!” Everyone looked somewhat unnerved by her unusually foul language and thinly disguised fury, but they were tactful enough to not say anything about it.

Yuffie saved the awkward silence, jumping to her feet with her usual enthusiasm. “Yeah, forget him, let's get the stuff out of the attic!”

The group dispersed, taking the plates to the sink and splitting into teams to handle the decorating. Cid and Barret hauled down the heavy boxes, Tifa and Shera hanging the garlands high on the ceiling rafters. Nanaki helped with critiquing the placement of the hangings while Vincent retreated to the kitchen to wash dishes. As he ran the hot water into the sink, rolling up his long sleeves, he felt a small tug at the edge of his pant leg.

“Uncle Vince, can I help?” Marlene looked up at him with a winning smile.

“Um...” He was caught off guard by the nickname she had given him, but he picked her up and sat her on the counter nearby. “Alright. How about I wash and you dry?” He knew that despite her young age, she had helped Tifa do the same thing before.

“I'm the best at drying!” She took the first dish with care, wiping it down as she looked at him curiously. “Why are you sad, uncle Vince?”

He gave her a reassuring smile. “I'm not sad, I'm worried.”

She nodded knowingly. “It's because Cloud isn't here.”

“Tifa misses him, I'm worried because she is worried.” He found it easier to talk with Marlene. She wasn't complex, still being a child, but she had an underlying maturity about her that accepted things that may have confused other children. At first, he didn't think much of anything of the girl. She was just Barret's charge. After the battle with Sephiroth, during the time when everyone was figuring out what to do with themselves now that they weren't in constant mortal danger, the six year old had inexplicably taken to him. Marlene had shown him things that others took as ordinary and unnecessary to explain – a cell phone, a microwave, a modern computer – and took his explanation of living in a very secluded place until now with hardly a blink. In a sense, they understood each other.

“Cloud doesn't come here much anymore,” she said quietly.

His brow raised at that. “Where does he go?”

“Tifa says he has a lot of deliveries to make.” With a pout, she took another bowl to dry. “But he said he would come today! He promised! Tifa made this party so everyone could see him!”

“Oh,” was all he could manage. What could he say? On the best of days he wasn't very sociable, and now he withdrew. How could Cloud leave his dysfunctional but loving family behind all the time? Wasn't this what he had always wanted? _I understand how disconnected you feel. I know what it's like to feel that you are simply existing rather than living. I know how it feels to lose someone you love, someone you thought would be with you forever. We are different, though. You still have someone in this world waiting for you, and I don't._ He spared a glance at Nanaki, still checking the décor. _Almost. I will still meet up with you, my friend, until you too pass into the lifestream._

“Look, the tree is so pretty!”

He looked up where the artificial tree – still something of a curiosity to him – had been set up. It looked bare. “I'm sure you can make it look better.” Waiting for his nod, she hopped down from the counter and ran to decorate the tree while he finished up. Even now, two years after Meteor, six months after the geostigma crisis, he had to be cautious of his claw hand scratching nearby objects. The rag he was using was currently clutched with it, held cautiously as he tried not to rip it. True, the old thing was the most ragged cloth he could find, but he didn't want to make it even worse. His human hand took the washed plates, once again using his claw to dry. If he were to be honest with himself, he still wasn't completely used to his altered body.  _ Curse you, Hojo. You may have died by my bullet but you still left quite a scar. _

The dishes were soon finished, and he quietly cleaned up anything else he had missed before while everyone boisterously untangled the lights. Even though last year they had rolled up the strings neatly and carefully, they had somehow become just as tangled as before. Yuffie was more tangled up than any of them, and Shera wrapped more lights around the ninja's shoulders and turned on the lights with a grin. Marlene was lifted to place the star on Yuffie's head, much to her displeasure. She laughed, though, and he couldn't help the small smile on his face.  _ How could you pass up something like this? It isn't exciting, I know, but it is such a precious thing to have in your gaze. There is so much I would have given back then just to have moments like this. I never thought my sacrifices would ever bear fruit, yet here you aren't and here I am. _

Marlene came over to drag him back to the group, and he joined with only a mild reluctance. He drew the line at signing early carols, but he did not retreat back into the kitchen. Tifa did her best to act like nothing was wrong, but he hadn't been a Turk back in the day for nothing. His main priority back then had been investigation, and he had been damned good at it – so good he literally got caught up in the Jenova project he was supposed to research. The signs she showed were subtle, nothing standing out significantly, but he read them clearly. Her hand lingered as she brushed hair behind her ear – missing someone, obviously Cloud. A longing glance out the window – regret, remorse. Twirling a cup of tea – a length of time, probably long. Putting too much sugar in her tea... bitterness. Cloud hadn't been here in a long time and she was bitter about it.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Letting Go – Chapter 2

 

* * *

The entire evening passed and all without Cloud. Barret left early to catch a train to Kalm, Nanaki and Yuffie hitching a ride with him, and Cid and Shera went back to Rocket Town. By the time everyone had left, Marlene was in bed and once more Vincent helped clean the place up.

“Are you sure it's alright?” Tifa asked yet again, getting the same answer as before.

“It's fine. I want to.” Not that he really had anything urgent to get back to. _If my help could possibly put even the slightest dent in my penance to this world, I will gladly do it. If it will make you smile again, it would be worth it._

They put away the empty bins and refuse in companionable silence, though when it was all over he caught her staring out the window again. It isn't long, but she froze when Vincent gave her a knowing look. She had always been nervous about those eyes that seemed to see within and beyond anyone he looked at. “Did you enjoy the party?”

He ignored the question. “How long?” At her puzzled look, he forced his brain to think of more than two words. “How long has he been gone?”

Her thin form seemed to shrink at the mention of Cloud. “Not... not too long, I'm sure he'll be back soon.” He leveled a cool glare at her and she felt even further disarmed. “Well, it's been a few months but I'm sure he had extra deliveries to do. It's the holiday season.”

“How long exactly?”

She couldn't escape his piercing gaze, something in it always demanded her complete honesty. “He hasn't been the same since we all fought Sephiroth. Something in him just... gave up after that. Even after the geostigma, after... she... forgave him, it wasn't the same. He was lost, lost in a memory. I don't know what to do.”

 _Damn it, Cloud. Can't you see what you have? Has Aerith really blinded you so badly?_ Yes, maybe she had. He understood, but he also had realized that reality still happened whether or not you liked it. That had been a hard lesson to learn these past years. “I don't know either, but I will listen if you voice your concerns.” _I can't help you, Tifa. All I can do is promise you that I'm here._

“Thank you.” She sat down heavily on a chair, head in her hands. “The others don't exactly have the best way of handling things like this. If they knew, they would get mad – or worse, tell Cloud. They would tell me all the things I should do, what I should say...” She shrunk down in her seat, trying to curl into a ball. “I don't know what to do. I thought everything had been solved, but now every time he looks at me... I wonder if he's trying to see her instead.”

Taking a seat in the chair across from her, he nodded solemnly. “It is hard for someone young to understand the concept of forever. When we say that someone is dead, gone forever, sometimes we don't understand what forever is until a very long time has passed.”

A small laugh drew his attention to her. “I think that is the most you have ever said in all the time I've known you.” At his silent shrug, she continued. “I think I'm beginning to understand. No matter how many years I wait, everyone I lost will never be here again. We can remember, tell stories, and long for them, but it's all we have. I'm still glad I knew them, but it will always hurt that they were lost.”

“The loss always exists, but the pain eventually dulls.”

She searched his eyes, finding nothing but knowing what he must be thinking. “Did you forgive yourself for it?”

He hesitated, not keen on spilling his past but at the same time wanting to tell someone about it. What he had inadvertently started just now felt liberating, and he wanted to experience more of that. “It was ultimately Hojo that led to Lucrecia's death, just as it was Sephiroth that killed Aerith, but to still shake the feeling of one's own responsibility, real or imagined, takes time and great effort.”

“You didn't really answer my question,” she said with a small smile.

“No. I don't have an answer.”

“Hmm. Maybe I should try to be more understanding. Maybe he needs time to recover. Do you think he'll come back?”

“It's hard to say. Only he knows what his choice will be.”

“I know. I just wish he could trust all of us to help him.”

“It isn't a matter of trust in you,” he reassured, “it's a matter of trust in himself.”

She gave him a long, grateful look. “You've given me a lot to think about. Thank you. Really. I know you don't like to talk much, but... could we maybe talk again sometime?”

“If you want. I don't say much unless I have something to say.”

“You don't have to say anything, I just need someone to listen.” He didn't respond, but his silent acceptance warmed her more than unnecessary words. Just having the benefit of an ear to hear but not judge, to advise but not tell, was more beneficial than a confrontation right now. “Thank you again. I just need to think right now.” When he moved to leave, though, she stopped him, surprising them both by grabbing his metal arm. She held tight, not hesitating as she looked up at him. “Wait. Could you... I don't want to trouble you, but...”

He stopped her with a calm look. “I can remain here.” _I would go to the ends of the world if it meant I could help you. Anything to make you happy again. Anything to guarantee you don't end up like her._

“I don't want to be alone right now. You don't have to do anything, I just want someone nearby. You can stay in the guest room.” She looked up, not missing his penetrating glance. “I suppose you want your earlier question answered. Cloud hasn't been here in four months.” Tears threatened to creep from the confines of her eyes. “I don't know if he'll come back or if I'll get that letter saying he's -” A soft sob broke through her words, harsh tears falling down her soft cheeks. Not knowing what else to do, Vincent put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Whatever happens, it isn't your fault. It was never your fault.” Taking his touch as an invitation, she clung hard to his dark sweater, crying even harder as he struggled to give what little comfort someone like him could. Remaining ever mindful of his metal claws, he drew her into a gentle, if awkward, embrace. She cried for many different reasons, finally letting loose some of the pain she had kept buried. _How could you do this, Cloud? Can't you see how much she needs you?_

 

* * *

Vincent was awake, though he hadn't really expected that to change. Thanks to his unnatural state, he never slept. Also thanks to the alterations, he could hear everything around him. People talked outside – really, what were they all doing up so late? Or was it early? Sometimes a lone car would drive by, or snow melted and dripped onto the pavement below. To him, the world was anything but quiet. During the day it could get almost overbearing with the amount of noise in this city, yet he stayed to make sure that Shinra didn't rear its ugly head again.

 **I will rend them to pieces.** Chaos rumbled in the back of his mind. Some time after Sephiroth had been killed, he and Chaos had come to a conflicting sort of agreement. Though Chaos would still assert that humans were weak, unworthy creatures, he also knew that he was stuck with Vincent permanently. The death of his host would mean the death of himself, and he was too opportunistic to let even a slim piece of freedom escape him. That, and he had actually grown to respect Vincent's sheer willpower in holding back the transformations despite the amount of pressure Chaos put on him.

 _If they try to hurt the people of this planet ever again, I may just allow that._ He never actively wished harm on anyone except Hojo, but after he had learned about Sector 7 and what Shinra had done to their own people, he couldn't help the rage that had burned in his veins.

**You are beginning to understand, human. It is the same degree of rage that fills us, that drives us onward. Surely you can see the beauty of it.**

_There is a subtle beauty to the fire of rage, but rage for all the wrong reasons brings only ugliness and hardship. Without love to stabilize the rage, all you create is pain. I will not be a part of that._

**Think of it, though. With only a slight movement, we can kill those who are weak. Our dominance over the population would be absolute, our power unopposed. You don't understand the glory of that power, human.**

_No, Chaos. I don't understand that any more than you understand the beauty of being weak and yet strong. Many of these people would certainly be no match for us, but mindless destruction is an empty thing. You gain nothing from it. And despite their weakness, they are strong. Their hearts are stronger than your claws could ever be, and their love could outlive even the direst catastrophe. I know you have seen this through me, and I know you have had doubts. Maybe it is you that no longer understands._

**I understand perfectly well, fool. Now you must understand that we will never see eye to eye.**

_I'm not asking you to agree._

For once, Chaos didn't have a reply. He retreated back into his part of the subconscious, confusion drifting through their thin link. The rest of the night was quiet, if only by comparison.

 

* * *

The next day, Vincent was still wide awake, sitting at the kitchen table when Tifa came down to start breakfast. She looked at him curiously, noting his decidedly aloof expression. “Didn't you sleep at all last night?”

“No.”

“Why not? The guest room isn't made of lava,” she said with levity she didn't really feel.

“I do not require sleep.”

She blinked, surprised by that comment. Now that she thought about it, he had often volunteered for second watch, which should have been harder because of the broken sleep, but he never seemed to be the least bothered by it. “You mean... never?”

“Not since I woke in Nibelheim.”

“But... that can't be, we would always wake you after last watch and you were asleep!” His expression didn't change, but she caught a slight glimmer of amusement in his eyes. “You faked it!”

“Yes. I would rest, but never sleep.”

She eyed him suspiciously. “Why tell me this now?”

 _I was wondering that myself._ “I don't want you to worry for my sake.” _I also want you to be able to depend on someone to watch your back when you are vulnerable, to guard you against the darkness._

Something changed very subtly in his gaze, something she almost missed, that made her breath catch in her throat. Unfortunately, she didn't have time to ponder it as Denzel burst through the front door, his eyes bright as he ran to hug her.

“Auntie Tifa! Guess what I saw yesterday!”

She picked him up, a small but real smile gracing her face. “Hm, what did you see? Have you been behaving yourself?”

“Of course!” He grinned, obviously pleased with himself. “I'm a great employee!”

Reeve entered just then, shaking snow off his boots. Though Denzel certainly wasn't his employee, he didn't see much harm in showing the child some of the work he did at the office. “It wasn't exactly work, but I think he shows great promise if he keeps up his studies.” He punched a few buttons on his phone, showing it to Tifa. “Was I supposed to get this strange text from Yuffie? I worked overtime yesterday and I'm afraid I didn't see it until it was too late to show up.”

Tifa looked at the text, shaking her head. “Don't worry, we only decorated the place last night. I know how hard all of this work has been to build Edge and get it working with a real government again. We do expect to see you on the holiday, though, no excuses.”

A sharp tug at her jeans drew her attention down to Denzel. “Is Marlene upstairs?”

“She is, she was waiting for you. Why don't you go up there while I make some breakfast? I'll be up in a while.” Turning back to Reeve as Denzel went upstairs, she smiled at him apologetically. “Sorry, busy busy. I still have to tutor them before opening the bar so I better get going. Thank you so much for watching him yesterday.”

“Not a problem,” he replied. “Your work is just as intensive as mine, albeit on a smaller scale. It's fine, I can let myself out, no need to stand on ceremony for a friend.” Only after Tifa left, giving a friendly wave to the other part of the room, did he even notice that there was someone else in the room. Vincent tended to blend in with his surroundings, regardless of whether he tried, and Reeve found himself a bit at a disadvantage when he turned to the ex-Turk. “I'm a bit surprised to see you here, but I guess this explains why you were not at home when I came to look for you. I've been meaning to give you a few things, but you never seem to be around when I drop by.”

“Strange, that,” he said plainly, turning to face the manager of both the old and the new world. “And?”

“I'll tell you about it on the way, I have a lot to get back to still, I'm afraid.” Waiting only for Vincent to retrieve his coat, they both walked out towards the other side of town where Vincent lived. Though the two of them didn't exactly have the best experiences with Shinra, they had all come together to fight for the life of the planet and their strong alliance carried forward into the new world. “First of all,” Reeve began, handing him a thick yellow envelope, “don't ask how I got hold of these. You don't want to know. Second of all, your official severance from Shinra is in there. It was all I could find concerning you and the files we had on you, along with your final paycheck for your service.”

Vincent managed a small huff. “I'm fired, then.”

“You know as well as I do how hard it is to leave the Turks alive.” He held his tongue as they passed a group of civilians, waiting until they were well out of earshot. “It's only because you're still technically dead to the world that I was even able to get this for you. Just don't make me regret doing this.”

“Wouldn't dream of it.” Taking a peek at the pay stub inside, he was a bit surprised by the amount. His brow raised, looking for an answer.

“Don't give me that look, it's the correct amount. Forty-some years of good hard work, I would say, right?”

“You neglected to take into account that thirty of those years were... inactivity.”

“For a good reason, I might add. Whether or not you realized it at the time, you were very dangerous to you and everyone else back then, and instead of coming out and potentially being used by any number of unjust forces, you stayed where you knew you wouldn't do any further harm to an already bad situation. I would say that qualifies as a very important mission. Take your pay as it is, Mister Valentine, there will be no negotiations.”

He nodded wryly. “The mission is everything, there are never negotiations.”

“You're not a Turk anymore, so I won't hear any more of that. If you ever want to do anything even remotely resembling a mission, it will have to all be done under the table. Then again, you've done so much under the table I expect you practically live there by now.”

“You know me too well.”

Reeve paused again as the streets began to fill with more people, looking around as their conversation changed its tone. “I know money won't even begin to fix half the things that have happened, but maybe it can still be there to help along the way. Just think about what you can do in this world, and not what has happened.” He looked down at his watch, mentally cursing. “Speaking of which, I'll probably be late.” Giving a quick wave, he ran down a side street back to the organization's headquarters, leaving Vincent to walk the rest of the way home.

 _Home, huh? I'm not sure I ever really had a home._ Like most other boys, he had left home at an early age, trained from the beginning in everything he was good at. It quickly became clear that he had a natural ability to observe and study, his mind calculating and eyes sharp. Not long after he completed the initial training, he was given over to the most elite of the investigators, the Turks. _Home was never possible anymore when you were a Turk. If they ordered you to kill your family, you killed your family. If they ordered to to set fire to all that you owned, you did that too. It was easier if you had none of those things. It was best if you had nothing._

Once again, he couldn't help but think of her. _I almost gave in for you. I almost thought I might be able to have you, though I knew in reality I couldn't. I didn't even mind that you went to someone else instead. As long as you were happy, I was willing to let you go, but... I don't understand. I don't understand how you could have allowed him to use you._ He shook his head, clearing away those thoughts as he walked on towards his flat. It was a small, unassuming structure that sat atop many other things, reflecting the hodge-podge construction of much of Edge during the early months of its existence. He never complained about how many stairs he had to climb each day, and never shirked his weekly routine of bringing groceries up those same many stairs for the old woman that lived next door. She gladly slipped him a coin or a bit of cake, though he always tried to refuse both, and he would go back to living quietly amid the noisy world.

Along with sleep, he also didn't require food and his bare kitchen clearly signified it. Though he could eat if he chose, it wasn't necessary, though he did keep tea and coffee on hand for guests – if he ever had any, that was. Still, a hot cup of tea was a simple pleasure that he allowed himself, and today seemed a good day for one. Setting a pot to brew, taking out a cup and his stash of green tea, he went about the business of emptying the contents of the envelope Reeve gave him. The first packet he pulled out oddly enough belonged to his father. _Well hello again, father that I barely knew. Circumstances weren't exactly kind to either of us, were they?_   Second came his own file, which he dumped the contents out of immediately. His old ID cards fell with a clatter first, and just as he gazed at them with a distant chagrin, the tea was ready.

 _It's my whole life, spread out before me. My death, too,_ he added with a touch of irony as he looked at the death certificate lodged in with the birth certificate. The unknown cause of death was a nice touch. He arranged the cards in chronological order, smirking at one of the earliest ones. _I sure looked ridiculous back then with my hair styled like that. Well, what can I say, it was the trend at the time._ It was a bit unsettling to see just how much data they had on him, but at the same time he wasn't really surprised. Going by how skilled he and his fellow Turks were, he was surprised they didn't have more. Every mission, every investigation, every official and unofficial assassination, right down to what little they had on Hojo's little experiment.

Drinking his tea slowly, he paid extra attention to what was recorded on the experiments done on him. He could feel Chaos in the back of his mind watching at an inquisitive distance, knowing this concerned both of them but trying not to show too much interest. Ignoring the demon's presence, he read what little was there. _No good, the people that heard even a little about it couldn't comprehend what Hojo was doing. This is all a bunch of nonsense._ With a sigh, he took the last file in the packet, his heart dropping into his stomach when he saw what it was. Level five classified. Lucrecia.


	3. Chapter 3

Letting Go Ch. 3

 

* * *

The sheer amount of bright yellow classified stickers on each one of Lucrecia's files made him wonder just how Reeve had gotten them, though he was certain that like the man said, he didn't want to know. It would have taken every last bit of clout and the strongest blackmail on several people to even get to look at these, much less take them. Heart pounding with anticipation, he opened one of the smaller packets. More ID cards, similar to his own, dating all the way back to when she was still a fresh-eyed intern. The final one showed her as he last remembered her, tired and reticent, having seen far too much of what the world had to offer.

Most of the files were the usual classified things. Technological projects nobody was supposed to know about, questionable scientific research, several things involving the inner workings of the reactors. Finally he came upon what he really wanted to know about: The Jenova Project. One interesting precursor he found at the beginning of the file, though, made him second guess what he wanted to read first. _Well, Chaos, looks like we have something about you in here._ Ignoring the faint chuckle in the back of his mind, he looked at the paragraph that was almost a footnote. _She worked with my father on this? How strange._

He turned to his father's files which he had not intended to look at until later. Near the end was the one he was looking for. Chaos and the effects of and reasons behind the protomateria.  _I wonder what the protomateria is._ Combining the files from both his father and Lucrecia, he pieced together the story behind how they discovered both Chaos and the protomateria inside the crystal cave. His father was killed by Chaos, and a peculiar red in stamp was at the bottom of Lucrecia's account of the accident.  _Marked void and invalid, hm? This was supposed to have been destroyed or at least discarded. I wonder if someone rescued this from the garbage._

Much of what this meant greatly explained why Lucrecia had seemed to feel so overly guilty about Grimoire's death. By protecting her, she had inadvertently been the reason for his death.  _You know I was a Turk, I was accustomed to the idea of people, especially researchers, dying on dangerous jobs, family or not. I never blamed you and you should have believed me. Because of this, we fought and you distanced yourself from me while it never really mattered that much in my point of view. This still doesn't explain why you went to someone like Hojo._ Temporarily stumped, he moved on to the Jenova Project, a memory stirring at the back of his mind.

_I remember now, that city in the north. Gast's videos interviewing Ifalna, Aerith's mother. Jenova wasn't a Cetra at all. In fact, Jenova tried to kill all of the Cetra. There's nothing about the Jenova reunion theory, but that was something more recent, I suppose. We still don't even know what exactly Jenova was. Ifalna called it the calamity from the sky, but what does that really entail?_ He tried for a moment to recall everything that Sephiroth once said during their excursion to the Temple of the Ancients.  _Jenova could ride on planets and use them to find new sources of things to destroy. The planet created WEAPON to counteract the direct harm coming to it. Why would Jenova need to destroy everything, though? What does that accomplish?_

**Sometimes things are created for the sole purpose of destruction, just as I was.**

_That doesn't make any sense._

**Not everything has to make sense, human.**

In his quiet consideration, something clicked.  _ You're right. It doesn't have to make sense. Maybe we just have to think about things that don't make sense in order to find what does. _

**Just so. The one called Sephiroth didn't make sense. He is the key.**

“Ah, that's right,” he said aloud. “Sephiroth that we saw before the North Cave wasn't the real Sephiroth. It was Jenova, disguised as Sephiroth.”

**Yes, now think harder.**

_The Jenova creatures we saw in the beginning were pieces of itself, thrown down by itself disguised as Sephiroth. But if we didn't see the actual Sephiroth until the North Cave, then that means Aerith was actually killed by Jenova disguised as Sephiroth, and not actually by Sephiroth. If Sephiroth was able to manipulate Jenova's will, or perhaps guide it, though... it's hard to say who actually killed her._

**Jenova's purpose was destruction. My purpose is destruction. Though the two paths appear similar, the end is very different. Look further in her file, I'm certain they discovered what I am here to do.**

_Do you really want me to know what you are here to do?_

**I am bound to you, human, though it pains me to accept it. I know you, now you must know me.**

He almost missed the scrap of paper that seemed to not belong in the very official files, something that looked very worn and torn from something larger. “Well what is this... 'Soul wrought of terra corrupt... quelling impurity, purging the stream to beckon forth an ultimate fate. Behold mighty Chaos, Omega's squire to the lofty heavens.' Omega's squire?”

**It is my duty to purge the world of its life so that it may become the lifestream. From there, Omega takes the lifestream, abandons this planet and allows it to wither away.**

“It also says something about a tainted lifestream. When you formed, it was the tainted lifestream that created you?”

**Not a bad deduction, human. When the planet becomes so corrupt and darkened by the tainted lifestream, I am to complete the purge so that life may continue elsewhere. Omega is the ship the lifestream rides to the next viable place.**

“Similar to Jenova, but a different result.” Something still didn't seem right, though. “What would happen to you after you completed that task?”

**It doesn't matter. I will kill, and it shall be done.**

“I... see.” If Chaos didn't know, then it was unlikely he would find out. Still, if Chaos was sealed within himself, how would that affect everything else? “What would happen if the lifestream were purified? What would happen to you then?”

**That is not possible, human, as long as wickedness exists in the world. It is pointless to ask.**

“Hypothetically, if it were to happen, what would happen?”

In the corner of his mind, he could feel Chaos shift uneasily.  **Such a thing cannot happen with the way things are now. However, if by chance it did happen, I cannot say what would happen to me. It is possible I may not be needed anymore.**

“If you weren't needed anymore, where would you go?”

**I would still exist, if that was your hope, human. I remain in the event I will be needed again.**

“What I mean is...” He paused, trying not to let the slim hope he felt penetrate through to the demon. “If you weren't needed, and if therefore I didn't need you, would it then be possible for us to separate?”

**Don't think of such pointless things. I will escape, I will kill everything, and that is the end of it!**

Chaos retreated too far back into his subconsciousness to be communicated with, but he wasn't entirely surprised by it.  _ I guess I shouldn't have expected any more than that. Well, the possibility is still too good to ignore entirely. _ Suddenly his phone rang, the loud beeping ring breaking the silence. Recovering from the near heart attack that came with almost every call, he answered it. “Vincent here.”

“It's Tifa, sorry for calling you so late. I mean... never mind.” He looked at the clock while she spoke. Late? Was it midnight already? Had he been reading these files all day? “I got a call from Reeve, they just recovered several new bodies from the ruins of Sector Seven. They want help identifying as many as possible. He found a few that were potential Shinra, and he needs as many hands as he can get to help clear everything. He wanted to know if you could help.”

“I highly doubt I would be able to identify anyone.”

“I know, but he needs help with all the rubble. Many civilians are already helping with the cleanup.”

“I will come. I need a few minutes and then I will head that way.”

“Thank you. This will be hard on all of us, but the victims deserve a proper burial... I still feel guilty for what happened to Sector Seven. I know Shinra did it, but they did it to frame and get rid of Avalanche. They did it because of us.”

“In the end, Shinra did it. You did what you could to prevent it, and stalling them as long as you did saved many lives. I'll be there soon.” He hung up when she gave a quiet confirmation. Looking around with a sigh, he considered what to do with the mess on the table. _It's really only valuable in retrospect, but I better put it somewhere safe. If I were on a mission to find something like this, where would be the last place I'd look? Ah, the freezer._ It wasn't entirely the best place for it, but it was what he had to work with. _I think I still have that old pizza box I put the extra blankets in._ In Edge, everyone used what they had to work with, turning trash into treasure, and he was no exception. Emptying out the blankets, he found tin foil that he had also salvaged and wrapped the files up into a pizza-shaped bundle. _Even I would mistake this for a frozen pizza. Old habits really do die hard._

Putting the wrapped files in the pizza box, then the freezer, he left his flat, figuring he had done about all he could to safeguard them. With any luck, nobody would even know he had such things in his possession and still assumed them to be with Reeve.  _ Even if someone found them, they wouldn't know what to do with them. Lucrecia's research was thrown out as nonsense, and my father's work with it. All of that wouldn't be more than a novelty. _ He walked down the dark street, only the glare of the street lamps lighting the way. The sun set early at this time of year, but he didn't realize that he had been reading all day. Still, despite all he had learned and the vague hope that followed it, the prospect of the upcoming recovery of part of Sector Seven made everything seem dimmer.

What was left of Midgar loomed into the sky, an empty, broken husk of a city. Though many had taken refuge before Meteor hit, there were still an innumerable amount of the dead under the ruins. Sector Seven was in such a state that any further recovery of bodies was thought to take years. Part of the city beneath the upper plate had finally been reached, and now as he approached the wreckage, he saw that several corpses had already been removed. What he hadn't expected was to find Cloud there.

When Vincent approached, Cloud turned away from him, looking away from the wreckage. “They... found a lot of the people trapped under the plate. There were so many of them. I... I knew some of them.”

“You both did, I think.” He walked near but to one side of Cloud, lingering behind. “Did you go to her?”

“I did.” Though only a short distance existed between them, Cloud seemed to get farther away as he spoke. “I don't know what I can do, after all I've done. This, Sector Seven, it's because of us.”

“It was Shinra. It no longer matters what happened in the past. What matters is what we do now.”

Cloud turned sharply, looking up at him with his eerie blue eyes. “That's an odd thing to hear coming from you.”

“I've been rethinking my stance on many things.” Ignoring Cloud's wary gaze, he continued. “You should go back to her. They need you.”

“I suppose.” He turned back, nodding stiffly. “You know, they found some Shinra employees down there. They were easier to identify, because they still had their ID cards on them.” His voice grew suddenly colder, more distant. “I couldn't feel sorry for them. They unearthed Denzel's parents, and still, I felt nothing for them because they were Shinra.”

“Denzel's parents...”

“He told me about them once. They knew the plate would be taken out so they went to the slums to warn everyone. They got Denzel out of the sector, but they never made it. Everyone is going to get as many bodies out of there as possible and get them identified if they can, then have a funeral service for all of them. Nobody really has access to dental records and the bodies are all skeletons, so most of them won't be identified.”

“What will they do with them all?”

“There are so many, I don't know. They will probably have to dig a mass grave just to get them all buried.”

He looked out at the line of covered remains already laid out on a patch of cleared dirt. “That will probably be necessary. You should be with Denzel. When they bury them, that is. He will need someone there for him.”

“I will, I just... not right now. I can't be around this right now.” As he turned to leave, Vincent sighed.

“Running away again, Cloud? They still need help down there.”

Cloud turned, his gaze unreadable. “I'll be down later, just not right now. I can't look at it anymore.” This time, Vincent said nothing as he left, turning back to face the big job ahead of them all.

_You'd better come back, Cloud, if you know what's good for you._

 

* * *

Vincent mentally groaned when he saw what his shovel unearthed. _Oh, not another one._ He dusted off the skull, dirt flying in every direction as he turned to his group leader. “Here's one more.”

“Ah geez, well, that makes a hundred,” the man said, adding it to a new pile on the ground, forming a long line of separated skeletons. “Alright, you know what to do.” The morning hadn't brought much good except for the addition of light to the excavation. Even that was a bit spotty, and it looked like it might rain soon. Meanwhile, they would get to what they could as long as the rains held back. Though it was late November, the weather was still indecisive.

“Right.” He got down on his hands and knees, sifting through the area to find the bones that belonged to the skull. Maybe. The body count was going solely by how many skulls were found, since some skeletons had gotten mixed together. In a few areas, where many people had gathered, it was all but impossible to tell which one belonged to which head. The one he was now working on was a bit easier than that, one skeleton isolated in one place, but it was still a messy excavation.

Beside him, Tifa worked with her own shovel, digging out the dirt wedged between parts of a metal staircase. She had been crying off and on, but she never stopped digging unless she needed to, persisting as they hunted for as many as they could find. Now, her shovel hit something hard, and she strained as she lifted another broken chunk of metal. “There's so much of this stupid staircase over here. The building had to have been so tall.” With one more stab with her shovel, one whole section of the dirt caved in to expose a large pocket of trapped air.

Backing away with Tifa as the stagnant air escaped, Vincent marked his project with a red flag to go help her clear the new area. “Looks like this part was saved from the collapse.”

“Well, should we go down there? Would it be too dangerous?”

He gave the staircase a solid kick, watching as only dust flew aside. “It seems secure enough, but let's call the rest of the team to be here just in case.” In a few minutes, everyone was at work clearing the small area, their own red flags left behind to mark skeletal remains. As the day wore on, though, only a few bodies were pulled from the immediate area. As one came out, Tifa froze, going over to look at it more carefully. When she neared, her hands flew to her mouth in shock, tears threatening to form again.

“Oh, no... Jessie!” There wasn't much left on the skeleton, but her signature red headband was still in place, her other clothing still identifiable.

The worker saw her, bringing the body closer. “You know this one, ma'am?”

She shuddered in place, nodding as a sob broke through. “Yes. Her name was Jessie. She... she was one of my friends.”

“Don't worry, we'll take care of her. I'll put her with the rest and make sure to put her name with her.”

“Thank you.” She found Vincent standing not too far, watching from a close distance. When she fell to her knees, crying for her old friend, he came and put a hand on her shoulder.

“You knew her?”

She nodded, her sobs coming out stiffly. “Yes. She was part of Avalanche. When we would go from place to place, she made our fake ID cards. She knew all kinds of things about the technology in the reactors, so she was always there to help us. I knew she was dead, but seeing her like that...”

“It makes it more real.” He paused, taking a moment to look around. “Tifa, you need a break. The others can manage here for a while.”

Though she wanted to refuse and keep working, she knew it was probably best if they stopped for now. “Alright. I suppose I could rest for a little while.”

It wasn't hard to get permission from their group leader to leave the excavation site for a while. The man had seen what happened when Tifa saw her friend unearthed, as well as what happened when she saw who else had been found, and he insisted they take a long break from the scene. After an hour, they went back, prepared to get back to work. For four days, the crews worked hard until it was deemed unsafe to go any farther. The clouds overhead were heavy with moisture, and the impending out of season rains would make the dirt at the site too wet and unpredictable to be workable. The icy snows had turned to mush already under the warmer temperatures. Overnight, the rains finally came, turning everything into a soggy mess.

At long last, the project was on hold. It was still early on the fifth day and most of it was spent creating a trench to have a proper burial. “It seems odd that we went to the trouble of digging them up just to bury them again”, Tifa said quietly, looking out as the workers finished the trench.

“At least this way, we know who they are and where they are buried. This way their friends and families can visit them properly.”

“Hmm. There will be a ceremony tonight. I'll be taking the children there. Marlene knew Jessie and the others, and I'll help Denzel too.”

He raised a brow curiously. “Will anyone else be coming?”

Knowing exactly who he meant by that comment, she nodded. “Yeah. Cloud talked to Denzel earlier today, he said he would come to the ceremony. The people of Avalanche were his friends too, so I'm sure he'll come. We'll all be lighting candles for each person they found, lighting them before dusk so the evening will glow with their light. Are you coming?”

“Yes. I didn't know anyone from Avalanche or really anyone they found, but I will come to offer my respects regardless.”

“Alright.” She sighed, leaning back. “I don't know about you, but I need a shower in the worst way.” Her tone was flat, revealing her underlying depression. “I'll see you before dusk?”

“See you then,” he said, turning to do one last check at the site, feeling her eyes watch after him curiously.  _ I know it's because you find it hard to rely on others anymore, but you can always rely on me. I will be here. _

 

* * *

Tifa stooped to light a candle, placing it inside one of the many makeshift lanterns at the massive grave site. In all, over two hundred had been recovered from the ruins under the plate. It wasn't everyone, but they had to halt the investigation until spring. For now, they would inter whoever they had found before the ground became too hard and frozen to work as the winter deepened. Winter in Midgar didn't last more than a few months, but it came hard enough to halt construction. Among those recovered were Denzel's parents, and she turned to him, standing silently next to her. “Denzel, Marlene, why don't you light the next two?”

Denzel frowned, lighting the candle with the long lighting stick. “He's going to miss the rest of the candles if he doesn't hurry.”

“They're so pretty,” Marlene sighed. “It's sad, but I think everyone will like it.”

“That's why he needs to hurry! He has to light one too!”

“Look, uncle Vince is here!”

“He is, is he?,” Tifa said, hugging them both. “Let's see if he wants to help us light the candles!” They agreed but were still showing the sorrow of the occasion. It was a small encouragement that they were lighting a candle for each person recovered, but they still understood what death was. The small ceremony would let them be remembered in some way, but they were still gone forever.

Vincent spotted them, and headed over to meet them. He was still tired from the days of work and still probably had dirt hidden away in every pocket, but he brushed himself off and walked up to Tifa. “Nothing yet?”

She sighed, looking down at the ground. “Nothing. There's still time, though, so we'll wait around. Do you want to light a candle?”

Marlene ran to his side. “We're making one for each of them!”

“That's a good idea,” Vincent said, stooping to look her in the eye. “I think they'll be happy in the lifestream when they see it.”

Denzel held out one of the unlit lamps. “Here, do this one. “We're saving the ones over here, though. Tifa said those three are for Biggs, Wedge and Jessie. Mine are for my parents. We're waiting to light them until Cloud gets here.”

_ You can be late, Cloud, but you better come. _ He took the lantern, lighting a small flame inside, its yellow glow glimmering off his metal arm. “That's alright, we can save those for later. There are still quite a few.” Trying to smile against the sorrow, he held one for Marlene as Tifa helped her light it. One by one, candles lit up like stars in the cold night, some held by the families of the deceased. At dusk, only five remained to be lit.

“No, we can't!” Denzel shouted. “Cloud isn't here yet!”

Marlene still held out a lantern for him. “Cloud's not gonna come before the sun sets.”

“He said he would! He said he'd be here when we lit the ones for his friends! He said he'd help me do the ones for my parents!”

She looked up at him, sad but resolute. “Come on, Denzel. The sun's going to go down and we need to light them on time.”

Tifa knelt beside them, taking one to light it. “It's alright, we can do these. He can come look at it later. Alright, this one is for Biggs.” The soft glow lit her face briefly before she went to the next. “And this one is for Wedge, and finally... there, this one is for Jessie. Come on, Denzel, light the ones for your parents.”

“No! Not without Cloud!” Tears started to run down his face. “I can't do it by myself!”

This time Vincent came over to the other side, kneeling next to him and holding out the lighting stick. “Let's do this together then, Denzel. It's almost time.” He felt Denzel's small hand reluctantly close over his own, both of them lighting the two lanterns. Marlene came to his side, clinging to him and crying into his shirt.

“I miss Biggs. And Jessie and Wedge and my other friends.”

“I know,” he said, holding them while they cried. “They are gone, but you still have all of us. We are here for you.” Tifa came near, holding the children from the other side, tears streaming down her face.

“That's right. We're your family now, Denzel. We're your friends, both of you.” She looked up at Vincent, catching his eye and smiling. “We're your family too. All of us.”

Slowly, he returned her smile with his own. “Thank you.”

 

* * *

Each person stood by the places where those they knew would be buried, the unknown surrounded by everyone else. Some hung back, watching from afar. Denzel sat on Vincent's lap, crying as he watched the volunteers shovel dirt down into the long mass grave, covering the sheets over their faces. Vincent held onto him, not letting go when the boy panicked when the first heaps of dirt fell, obscuring the bodies. Now Denzel just held tight, tears flowing freely as he watched the scene. Tifa sat nearby, a calm but quietly crying Marlene on her own lap. They watched as others sang old folk songs, wishing the deceased happiness on the lifestream.

The stars shone above as the candles shone below, lined along one side of the linear grave site. When the singing halted, names of the dead were called out. After each one, a candle was blown out, smoke drifting into the breeze. Denzel gripped harder when his parents were named, watching as those too went out. He wanted to look away, but Vincent wouldn't let him. “We must honor their memory and watch,” he had said, and watch he did. They watched as the unknown were all given a few words, their candles extinguished all at once, rendering the area dark of all but the moonlight.

Marlene looked at Tifa as soon as it was over. “She's going to take care of them, right? At their new home in the lifestream?”

“Yes. Aerith will be with them.” She stood slowly. “Alright, time for bed, you two. It's getting late.”

Too distraught to move, Denzel was still frozen in his spot. Whether it was the funeral or the fact that Cloud never came, he was rooted in place. Vincent lifted him gently, following Tifa back to her home. Everything was shrouded in a veil of silence, even to his senses. Dogs didn't bark, no cats prowled, people walked home quietly. Halfway to the bar, Denzel fell asleep, exhausted from the emotionally draining day. Once they came in, they put both of the children in their beds. Unable to sleep from the events from the day, Tifa went down to the bar to get a drink, Vincent following after her. She mixed up her drink, looking at him as he sat in the kitchen. “So... what can I get for you?”

He took a moment to browse her selection. _I don't think anything could possibly blur all the things I'm thinking about right now._ “Today seems fitting for a whiskey. Straight, no ice.”

“Alright.” Pouring out a glass, leaving the bottle on the counter in case he wanted more, she brought both of their drinks and sat across from him. “Thank you so much for your help these past few days, especially today. I just don't understand why he didn't come. It meant so much to Denzel! We buried his parents! We buried our friends! I don't believe he couldn't come for this!”

Taking a shot of the whiskey, he pondered that too. “Earlier, he left the recovery to the others because he found it too hard to watch. It may be he avoided coming here later for the same reason.”

“I didn't like watching it either, but I still did it! When we dug up Jessie... you know I almost lost it. It was so painful for me, but I kept going anyway! I'm so mad at him right now!” All of her angry energy seemed to fade all at once, leaving her drained, leaning her head on the table as she faded. “I feel so weak right now, trying to rely on him.”

“Cloud is the one who is weak, Tifa, not you.” Hoping to comfort her in some small way, he placed his hand on hers. “I spoke with him before I went to help. Not for very long, but I asked him to help too. Even faced with someone who could clearly see through him, he lied. Maybe it was indeed too painful for him, but those who are strong fight through their pain.” His voice was quiet, unassuming, but everything he said resonated deeply within her. Surprisingly, she returned his grip on her hand, smiling past her tears.

“We do, don't we? No matter how hard it gets, we all keep going.” They drew away from each other, though, when they heard the door open. Cloud quietly came in, looking startled to see her awake – and with Vincent. Tifa looked back down at the table, her face stern. “Get out, Cloud.”

He blinked, confused, trying to fake a smile. “What are you talking about? I just got in, I came to see Denzel-”

“Denzel doesn't need to see you! He spent all of tonight waiting for you and you didn't come! I had to dig up the rest of Avalanche without you! We had to light the lanterns for them without you! He had to light the ones for his parents without you! It's like you don't even care!”

“I do care, I just-”

“No, no more excuses, Cloud! Every time you say it will never happen again, it happens again! You just keep lying! Why didn't you just say you didn't want to come? Why did you keep making promises you couldn't keep? I've had enough of this, give me your keys.”

“What? But I'm here, I came-”

“Give me the damn keys, Cloud.” He took a step back at her unexpected language, taken aback by her unforgiving tone. With a clink of metal that sounded much too loud in the silence, he dropped his keys to the bar into her hand. When he seemed to be unable to move, she spoke again, her voice sounding hollow and tired. “Get out.” He tried to move closer to her, but she shoved him back gently. “No, just go. Right now. Go!” With one last confused look, Cloud left, though not before catching Vincent's eye. The other man only closed his eyes, leaving him to dig himself out of his own hole. Before today, the latch on the door never sounded louder, grinding to a halt as it closed behind him. Tifa leaned against the door, shrinking down to the floor as she cried even harder than before, arms clenched around her knees.

Vincent paused only a moment before going to her side, settling on stroking back her hair as she let her feelings loose. _I can't watch you be broken like this. I can't look at this again. I know Cloud did this to himself, but he also did this to you. Maybe it is for the best in the end, but right now it's hard to see you with so much pain in your heart. I don't know what to do. All I can do is be here._ Once her crying stopped, he realized she was about ready to collapse. He carried her to her bed upstairs, laying her down before taking a seat on a nearby chair, ready to watch over her for the night. _I will be here until you wake. I won't let anyone hurt you._ Falling into the waking trance he used to rest, he kept his ears open all through the night, a long, eerily silent night.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Letting Go Ch. 4

 

* * *

Yellow flowers nodded back and forth in the old, empty church in Sector Five. For all the time since they defeated Sephiroth, it had been his home and it still served that purpose. Now, Cloud sat in one of the empty benches, head in his hands. _I really messed up. I just can't do anything right. I try doing something, I mess up. I try not doing something, I still mess up. I thought I was alright, I know I said I was, but I'm not._ He had tried to adjust to living outside the church and being with Tifa, but no matter how hard he tried to get closer to others, he only felt himself drifting farther apart.

_I do care about them, but I don't know what keeps happening to me. I don't know how to be. I don't even know who I am half the time. How can I be what anyone expects if I don't even know if that's who I can or even want to be?_ What had happened during the last two and a half years went far beyond an identity crisis. When it came down to it, he hadn't even formed much of an identity beyond wanting to be in Soldier. All he wanted to be since he was young was a hero.  _Like Sephiroth,_ he scoffed.  _All I ended up doing was becoming his tool, something he could use to come obediently to him whenever he called, bring him whatever he needed for his own gains. It wasn't even always him, it was Jenova. His fake mother. He didn't even know his real mother._

That thought brought him suddenly back to Vincent.  _Why has he been hanging around, anyway? I thought he was done when we killed Sephiroth, and now he's still here. What is he even doing?_ He slowly recalled the cleanup of Sector Seven and groaned to himself.  _I really fucked this up. I don't know what happened. Every time I looked at it, I just froze. Whenever I tried to approach it, I couldn't move. I couldn't shake that feeling._ Stretching out on the bench, he gazed at the clear, cold sky.  _No matter how much time passes, I still see that view from the web of cables on our way up to the top of the plate. Wall Market had one heck of a view. When I look at Sector Seven, all I see is the whole thing crashing behind us as we escaped on that utility hook. I see it burning below as those children looked down at it in horror. I can't help but remember that it was because of us that it happened._

They had escaped by a slim margin, swinging into the neighboring sector as Sector Seven plummeted all around them. The smell of smoke and burning rubble stayed with him for days, never escaping his memory, the heat of the fire sending him back to another day that his whole world burned. Flames reaching the sky as a black and silver fallen angel descended into darkness. Blue, icy glow of mako as Sephiroth fell, mortally wounded, into the lifestream.  _I'm really... nobody at all, am I? I'm just a lowly soldier that got lucky and took out a legend. But what am I when all of that isn't there? Who is Cloud? I don't even know my own favorite color._ He stared as a lone bird flew by.  _I don't know anything at all._

 

* * *

No matter how many times he looked over Lucrecia's files, something didn't seem right. It was like something was missing. _This is so thorough, I can't think of what could be gone. It's all here, isn't it?_ Even his own and his father's files didn't have what he felt he was missing.

**Ah, they recorded your death though you weren't dead. Where is hers? Take a closer look there and see what wasn't said.**

_ Not dead? _ He took one more look at everything, not seeing a certificate of death or even a record of a possible death. It was like she had simply vanished off the face of the planet.  _ Missing. So she just left one day and never came back. Everyone just assumed her dead. _

**An assumption isn't truth. Look at how that worked with you. Remember, when you saw her in the cave, it was her image. Was it real? Think, human.**

He did think, going over what he knew.  _ She's still alive. But how? _

**The cave was made for a purpose.**

His brain felt like it was about to fry, but eventually it came to him.  _ Ah, you were sealed in the cave. The cave was meant to seal things? _

**With the protomateria there with me, I was sealed. It was so the planet could delay my arrival. It doesn't wish to die, but eventually it must to purge the lifestream of its ills.**

_So Lucrecia sealed herself there and is still alive?_

**Jenova doesn't give up its thralls easily. She can't die.**

_Jenova again. I thought Aerith purged Jenova six months ago._

**It may not have penetrated the seal. Or it may have. She will still live on regardless.**

_Do you think she will show if we go there?_

**How should I know? I don't know what you hope to do, but it won't work.**

_And what exactly did you suppose I hoped to do, Chaos?_

**Her seal cannot be broken by you, weakling human. You don't have the strength. You won't be able to free her.**

_We don't have to, not now. There might be another way, but we won't know unless we know what the crystals in the caves are able to do. They may have a weakness we can exploit. Anything could be found in there, but we have to look to know._

**Call the pilot, then, if you must go. Let us finish this nonsense.**

_ Agreed. _ Taking out his phone, it took a moment to remember how to bring up his contact list.  _ Marlene, where are you when I need you? _ Ignoring a threatening growl from Chaos, he finally found Cid's number. It rang, and he breathed a sigh of relief as he waited for an answer.

“The fuck? Valentine using a phone? Remembering to hit send? I think you finally succeeded in making me shit my pants!”

Not in the mood for their usual banter, he skipped the dozen comebacks he had for that. “I need your help, Cid.”

Cid's voice grew serious. “What's wrong? Did someone get hurt?”

“No, nobody's injured. I just need to go somewhere.”

“Uh... yeah, I can free up some time, I think. Where are we headed?”

“I need to go to the crystal cave. Can you take me there?”

There was a short pause. “That place? There's nothin' left in that dump, is there? Whaddya need to go there for?”

“It's a personal matter.”

“Alright, alright, I get it. I can take ya there, sunshine, you just tell me when and I'll get Shera fired up. The ship, that is.”

“I'm sure you wouldn't mind firing up the other Shera, either.”

Cid's laughter came out loud over the line. “Alright, so when did you want to take this crazy little excursion?”

“As soon as possible would be best.”

“Well, it'll take me a few hours to get out there, Shera's pretty speedy. The ship, not the real Shera, she's still slow as fuckin' molasses fixing every last stupid thing, but ya gotta love her. I'll give you a call when I get there, alright?”

“That would work well, thank you.”

“No problem, you just do what ya gotta do, I'll see ya!” He hung up, leaving Vincent to his work. What a load of work it was, too.

_ I suppose I should take all of this with me. I might need to refer to it. _ Stuffing everything back into the pizza box, minus the foil, he packed away as much as he could think of for the trip. Always armed, he packed a spare and plenty of ammunition. It wasn't certain that there wouldn't be monsters in the cave and he never took any chances.  _ I had better leave a note for my neighbor, too. _

Slipping a sheet of paper from a notepad, he scribbled out a note, making sure it was written on the hard surface of the table rather than still on the pad, lest it leave an imprint for someone else to read.  _ Am I really that paranoid, still? I'm only telling her I'll be out of town. _ He shook his head, forgetting his habits for the moment while he gathered everything else he needed. The note found its way into his neighbor's mail slot in her door, everything set as he made his way down the long, winding stairs.  _ Almost everything. I have one task left. _

 

* * *

When Tifa turned to greet yet another customer, she hadn't expected to see Vincent there, and wasn't sure what to say to him. The previous night had been beyond hard on her and when she woke up, things had gone from difficult to awkward. She wasn't proud of herself for breaking down in front of him and though she knew he only was concerned because he was her friend, it was still embarrassing. Setting aside her reservations, she decided to put on a strong face in spite of everything. “I didn't expect to see you back so soon. Is everything alright?” Looking down, she saw he had luggage, of a sort. “Are you leaving?”

Vincent nodded, setting down his pack momentarily. “I don't intend to be gone a long time, but I will be leaving. There is some new information I want to research, and it is best if I act quickly on it.”

Her brow perked up at that. “New information? Is Shinra acting up?”

“No, it's older business. I put it on hold for the last few days, it isn't quite that urgent.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness. So what is it? Nibelheim?”

“Somewhat.” He glanced around the bar warily. “Not here, though.”

Taking his hint, she stopped that train of questioning. “I see. Nothing to do with me, though, right?”

“No. This is my project.”

“I get it.” She nodded, trying hard to smile. “Don't worry about me, I'll be alright. I just need to be on my own for a while, you know?”

That was something he understood very well. “Yes, I know.” _I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I still want nothing more than to be alone._ Taking his pack back up from the ground, he moved to leave. “I will be back.” There wasn't anything particularly different about what he said but when it came from him, Tifa knew she could believe those words.

 

* * *

The sounds of the _Highwind_ had been a welcome mechanical white noise, but the _Shera_ was significantly quieter, humming only slightly as they sailed through the skies. Cid punched the course into the autopilot before heading over to the large mission table where Vincent unceremoniously tossed the pizza box at him.

“Wha's this, our lunch? Damn it feels cold.”

“Open it,” he urged quietly, leaning over the table.

“Yeah alright, so what'd you get? I really hope it's not mushroom.” With a flick, he opened the box and whistled at the contents. “Well now, looks like you got the extra meaty kind, huh?”

Vincent huffed. “I know you love a good ham.”

“Geez. So what have we got here anyway?” He poked through the files briefly, looking up with a serious glance. “Pretty heavy stuff here, you sure you want me looking at this?”

“I need a fresh eye.” _It is hard for me to trust others, but I know I can trust you. You are a coarse man, but you have shown your loyalty more than enough through the years._ His peculiar sort of friendship with the abrasive pilot hadn't really happened until after Meteor when he had noticed a problem with his mechanical arm that nobody else had really known how to fix. Cid had done his best but it took two weeks to get everything sorted out. During that time, they had learned how to cope with each other without one of them ending up dead, realizing they did actually have more in common than they thought. It turned out that Cid's grandfather, who had died not long after he was born, had worked under Shinra in his youth, a member of the exploration division. Though Cid never knew him, Vincent, oddly enough, had regular correspondence with him due to his frequent missions taking him to more than a few backs of nowhere. It only took a few heroic or amusing stories before they were able to reach an accord.

“Well alright, if you say so.” Curiosity overcoming his reservations, he first looked through Vincent's files, raising a brow or grunting to himself at a few of the entries. “You made a hell of a name for yourself, Valentine.”

He withdrew slightly. “I'm not entirely proud of it.”

“No shit, I never said it was a good name! Fame, infamy, whatever! It's a lot of stuff you got here, that's all! 'Course you weren't proud of this stuff or I wouldn't be helping you, would I?”

“That is true.”

“There you go, now shut up and let me read, damn it!” Browsing the entire collection, he stopped halfway through Lucrecia's files. “Hey now, I remember this one, she was in that cave, right?” At Vincent's nod, he grumbled. “What a fine mess we've got here, Sephiroth's crazy ass birth mother and that slimy son of a bitch Hojo. Ahh don't give me that look, Valentine, I know you had a soft spot for her. I don't mean it like that and you know it. Quit feeling guilty over that old stuff, it's not like you can do anything about it now. It was her choice and that's the end of it. You can't make someone live the way you want them to.”

“I do know that, I'm just trying to understand. Why Hojo, of all people?”

“I guess Hojo was convenient, you know? He gave her what she wanted, a relationship with nothin' attached to it. No guilt, no drama, no crap. Maybe she picked him because she didn't feel a damn thing for him.”

He blinked, surprised, and stared at him. “I do believe you just had a moment of genius there. A pity it doesn't happen more often...”

Cid tried to look affronted. “Hey, I'll have you know I've had more than my fair share of those in my lifetime!”

“Ah, well, maybe you are right.” He paused, looking down at the files. “Now it makes sense. Hojo only wanted a vessel, someone who would readily agree to his experimentation. Doing anything on the unborn was frowned upon even by Shinra, so he needed someone who could both keep it quiet and understand scientific necessity. She was perfect.” His voice suddenly grew cold and quiet. “He manipulated her fragile emotions at the time and capitalized on her dedication to her scientific research. He used her.”

“Yeah,” he growled out, sounding equally cold. “Takin' advantage of the weak, messin' around with people that aren't even born yet... Hojo better be glad he's dead or I'd make certain of it all over again!”

“There is still one piece of the puzzle left, though.”

“Ah geez, are you gonna fill my head with more?”

“Yes.” Pulling out everything about Chaos and the protomateria, he pointed to one section in particular. “Chaos was found in these caves. If they have some special attributes, I believe Lucrecia should be there still.”

“What, she's still alive?”

“As much as I am. I know she is there, she isn't listed as dead.”

“Huh...” Looking thoughtful, he leaned back casually. “Whaddya suppose you'll find there?”

“If I can find out how she sealed Chaos within me, there may be a way of removing him.”

“Uh, isn't he what keeps you... y'know, alive?”

“It's true he was what aided in my revival after the experiments, but I'm not sure if he is responsible for the continuation of my life. He does, however, render me immortal. As long as he is within me, I will be forced to watch all of you die before me.”

“Ah, man.” He straightened, suddenly thinking of something. “Speaking of people who are gonna live a long time, how 'bout we take Nanaki with us? He knows much more about that damn planet stuff than any of us do. Plus, I gotta get him this new thingamajig I worked up for him. Come on over and take a look at it and tell me what ya think.”

Glad for the change in subjects, Vincent followed him over to the utility bay where he took out a headset and a strange looking, square device on a thick collar. “What is it?”

“It's like a phone but you don't have to dial with it, see? You put on the headset and the thing is activated by your voice. Reeve helped me figure out how to do it, what with his voice commands on that damn stuffed animal of his. You can use a button inside to turn it on and off, and once it's on it responds to whatever voice is programmed, see?”

“I... see...” In truth, the contraption confused him almost as much as a cellphone.

“No you don't, you never did get one goddamn thing I ever told you about anything like this! See, this way even a knucklehead like you can make a damn call without taking all day about it! You just tell it to turn on, say call Cid, and it calls me, get it now?”

“That sounds very practical.”

“It goes around the neck like so, and all he'd have to do once the thing is on is tell it to turn on or off or call someone and it does it! He wouldn't have to struggle with all those damn buttons.”

“Ah, I see, but...” Turning the headset around, he looked pensive. “I'm not sure how he will receive this. He is already concerned about his friends considering him a burden at times, and I don't know if he would like that you went to any special trouble just to accommodate him.”

“Ah hell I know that, that's why I made enough for everyone!” He took out another set, made obviously for himself and put it on. “You know how much of a pain of an ass it is to try and answer the damn phone while you're under a car, covered with all kinds of fluids? I got mine goin' around my neck too, I always got stuff everywhere and that's about the only place I don't.”

“He will definitely feel better about it once he sees that everyone has one. I get one too?”

“Of course you do, you twit, I just have to program it to respond to you, y'know? They won't be any good until I can get in touch with everyone and get these out.” He cursed, fiddling with one of the sets as he spoke. “Any luck with Spike? Did he show himself or is he still being a fucking ghost?”

Vincent retreated to a wall, leaning back against it, shaking his head. “I'm not sure whether Tifa would want me to tell the whole situation or not, but he's gone. She threw him out.”

“Good, 'bout damn time. That was fuckin' unhealthy, not being around for those kids. I know damn well nothin' good comes from havin' stuff like that happening when you're a kid. Those kids gotta have someone around.”

“I know.”

“Well if she wants to tell me all about it, she can help me test this damn thing. Let's not just stand around yammerin', we got things to do! On our way there we'll get your headset all worked out and I'm gonna make damn well sure you know how to use it right.”

“I feel so privileged,” he said sarcastically, following Cid to his technological doom. _I have to learn it before we get to Cosmo. I'll do it for you, Nanaki. I want you to have someone to talk to if you ever need it._

 

* * *

Tall sandstone pillars cut into the sky down below in Cosmo Canyon, the ancient river-carved canyon winding back and forth along the crooked trail. Flaming orange in color, the seemingly unending sunset that hung in the air about the location lit the entire valley aglow, accentuating the natural rusty hue of the marbled stone. Those that lived in the canyon had adjusted their way of life to the lay of the stone, ladders, and stairs leading to caves that pockmarked the face of the largest section of the plateau. The place had been built for war, easily fortified from within to ward off attackers as they had to come up single file along any of the staircases. Though Bugenhagen was gone, the observatory was still in use and it dominated the skyline, its long telescope jutting out from its perch.

At the gate, the usual guard still stood watch, recognizing the two of them as they approached. “Oh, are you here to see Nanaki? I don't know if he was expecting you, but he's in the observatory.”

Cid gave the man a hearty thump on the back. “Good to see ya still here, you know if he found anything good to stare at up there?”

“There's certainly a lot more out there in outer space than we ever realized, it could take a long time to find all of it.”

“That's for damn sure.” They made their way up “the goddamn too many stairs,” as Cid said, going through the maze of tunnels and into the main area at the top of the observatory. Nanaki spotted them right away, adjusting the telescope back down with a careful touch of his paw as he walked over to greet them.

“I'm afraid I didn't know you were coming. Is everything alright?”

Cid shrugged it off. “Nah, this was kinda a last minute thing, you know? Besides, showing up outta nowhere is the best way to have company, right?”

“I am always glad for company. What do you have around your neck?”

“Well now, I thought you might like one of these things I came up with! I know how much you hate phones and I don't always like 'em either, so I rigged this up for you. Here, try it out. The neck strap doesn't have buckles or anything, you just double it up and it clings, we used it a lot in the rocket for the spacesuits and such. It's a voice activated communication system, just push a button and on it goes, none of that damn number punching and all that.”

As expected, Nanaki withdrew slightly. “Oh, you didn't have to go to all that trouble, it's fine, really.”

“You kiddin' me? It's no trouble at all, and we've all got 'em! I just finished them though so I need you to help me give them a test. There's one more thing, though, we're going to the crystal cave.”

Vincent came forward, adjusting his own headset as he got used to it. “I suspect that there may be a way to separate me from Chaos. It will take a lot of explanation on the way, but I feel the answer may lay somewhere in the cave. Will you come with us?”

“I'm not sure why you are asking me, but if you need my help I will come with you.”

“You know more than anyone about Bugenhagen's theories on the activities of the planet and the lifestream, you may be able to answer many of the questions that have been plaguing me.”

Nanaki looked up at him, the real gravity of what they were doing finally sinking in. “If Chaos is removed, you will then be mortal again, correct?”

“Yes.” He resisted moving forward to stroke his friend's head, knowing he disliked the gesture. “I know it would affect things for both of us, but no creature should live beyond its normal lifespan. Chaos and I were never meant to be joined.”

“That is true.” He sat back on his haunches, regarding him uneasily. “Though I knew you were immortal, there was still the chance that you might die from another cause.”

“You will still have friends by your side. Denzel and Marlene will watch over you and if they have children and theirs and so on, they too will be with you. You won't be alone.” Nodding slowly, he pondered his own statement. “I wouldn't be, either, if this doesn't work. I just want this chance.”

“I understand.” Rising to his feet, he perked up considerably. “We aren't solving anything here, let's be off!” Baring his teeth in a friendly grin, he dashed towards the stairs leading back down the canyon.

Cid charged after him. “About damn time! Let's get going already!”

 

* * *

Ahead, the horizon glowed with the last rays of sun, the ride from Cosmo Canyon short and uneventful. Vincent and Cid updated Nanaki on what information they had, and with the three of them working on it, they all agreed that the crystal cave was their most likely source of answers. The _Shera_ scudded low through the crystal clear sky, clouds in the far distance moving slowly in the light winds. Water pooled at the top of the old conical mountain in the western continent, a waterfall spilling over the sides, sparkling in the glow as they plummeted ever onward, fueled by the underground spring. They knew the cave was there, hidden behind the falls at the top of the spring, filled with mysterious crystals.

Treading quietly into the cave, the three of them kept a lookout for monsters. An unknown source of light illuminated the room from some of the white crystals, a clear white hue against the inky black background. Creeping closer to the group, Cid whispered quietly. “Damn this place still gives me chills. What are we looking for?”

“Anything unusual,” Vincent whispered back, loathe to disturb the quiet of the cave that left him feeling exposed.

“This whole goddamn cave is unusual.” Taking his spear, he prodded a nearby crystal experimentally. It glowed brighter, pulsating briefly, but it showed no other sign of reacting. “What are these made of, I wonder?”

Nanaki approached one, inspecting it. “It seems that mako has gathered and compressed here harder than anywhere else we have seen, forming it into a nearly impenetrable substance.”

Checking around the cavern, Vincent found a likely crystal, jutting off from the main cavern and looking like it might break. “I think it would be prudent to take a sample of it.” He grabbed it with his claw around the sharp edges and tugged every which way but it didn't yield despite him putting his full strength into it. “I think I need some help.”

“Damn right you do, that thing's tough!” Cid and Nanaki both went to help him pull but the crystal still clung to its perch, unaffected by their efforts. “What is this, a fucking diamond?”

“Stand back.” When the others cleared the area, he aimed his gun directly at the crystal but Nanaki stopped him before he could pull the trigger.

“Wait, don't! It's too strong, it will just bounce off!”

**I told you,** Chaos said tauntingly in the back of his mind.  **You don't have the strength.**

“Chaos says I don't have the strength to break it.”

Cid grumbled, swearing. “Well no shit! Does that bastard have any other bright notions?”

He tried to reach out to Chaos, but nothing came. “No. I suppose we will have to study it as it is.”

“Damn it. I hoped to take this back to Shera, have her poke at it. I wonder if anything can cut it.”

**Nothing can cut it. Nothing made by man can harm it.**

“He said nothing made by man can harm it. I wonder what we can do, then.”

Nanaki perked up, his ears twitching. “If nothing man-made can break it, perhaps Chaos himself can break it. He should have the strength for it, shouldn't he?”

_What do you say, Chaos? Can you break it?_

**Just because I can doesn't mean I will.**

_This might be our chance for both of us to be free. Isn't that chance worth fighting for?_

**Very well, weakling, I will do what you cannot. Set me loose and I will break it for you.**

Recognizing Vincent's silence as him conversing with Chaos, Cid watched him expectantly. “You got anything?”

“Yes, I will indeed have to transform to break even that small piece off.”

“Oh man... should we clear out of here?”

**I will not harm your comrades. Not now, at least.**

“No, you can stay, he won't hurt either of you. Just stay back in case I accidentally shatter the crystal.” He waited until they found a safe distance from him, letting the lines of his identity blur. _Have your way, Chaos, but I will be watching you._ His body burned as it twisted into the transformation, dark wings exploding from his back, teeth growing long and sharp. Claws sprang from his hands, the metal claw suddenly turning into flesh. He could feel the power surging through their body and as he looked out through their shared vision, he knew they would succeed.

Chaos stretched, too long confined within his human cage, looking down at the offending crystal.  ** “Behold, mortals, what true strength looks like! I shall accomplish that which you have no hope of achieving!” ** Gripping the crystal with his powerful talons, he wrenched the crystal up, straining at an angle to the floor. It took a great amount of effort but at long last he heaved with a surge of energy and the crystal broke. Panting heavily, he handed the shard over to Cid.  ** “I had forgotten how hard and yet invigorating it is to struggle against these bonds. It is done.” ** He paused, suddenly growling.

Nanaki was on guard instantly. “Do you hear something?”

“ **The weakling wishes me to be done with this place now that my task is over. I have not stretched my wings in far too long and I will not be so easily goaded back into submission! If only I could reach through our link and rip him to pieces!”**

Groaning, Cid shook his head. “Oh let it go, Valentine, there's nobody in here for him to hurt anyway. If he wants to roam around in this fucking cave that badly let him just do it. For all we know we might need him to break something else anyway.”

Chaos visibly relaxed, the internal struggle gone.  ** “He... has agreed,” ** he said with a tinge of surprise.  ** “I will accompany you. When this is finished, though...” **

“Yeah yeah whatever, death doom and destruction, would you just hurry the fuck up already? I don't have all goddamn day!” They continued into the cave, noises suddenly coming from the depths. An enormous black dragon uncurled from its slumber, breathing fire at the group as they struggled to get out of the way. Chaos charged forward with a roar, the prospect of a real fight filling him with a rarely felt joy. His unchained willpower drove him onward into the fight, claws tearing and teeth digging into the hard scales. He fought as other creatures came out to investigate, bats flying from crevices, crawling lizards hunting ravenously.

Cid and Nanaki helped fight off the monsters as well, clustering together until the last one fell. They turned, though, when Chaos spun at them, snarling, his eyes glowing red like blood. He had gone out of control, and against him, they knew they wouldn't be able to withstand an atatck. Chaos stumbled suddenly, clutching his skull as he staggered, kneeling as he fought off the force within him. Howling in pain, he tugged at an unseen foe, wrenching against Vincent's willpower. The battle continued for several minutes, neither side showing any sign of caving in until suddenly, with one final roar of defiance, Chaos dissolved away, leaving Vincent behind, extremely weakened.

Shuddering, he curled into a ball, the agony of his battle with Chaos leaving him prone and helpless. _I almost lost it. For a moment there, he almost had me._ Nanaki came closer, concerned, but he waved them off hastily. “Not... not yet. Not until I know he... won't come out. I'm still fighting him.” Now he shoved Chaos as far back into his mind as he could, resisting every last ounce of the demonic power with the sheer force of his will. At long last, Chaos retreated, momentarily pacified. _But for how long? How long can I maintain this without him taking over me? How long will it be before he finds a way to control me for good? I have to hurry. There isn't much time._

 


	5. Chapter 5

Letting Go Ch. 5

 

* * *

Frustration filled the air around Tifa, much like it often did, but it somehow felt different when she was alone. She had been glad enough that the new experimental school in Edge was finally up and running and she didn't have to teach the children on top of everything else, but it also meant she had more time to herself. Today, she was alone in her bar, done with almost everything she could think of. Everything had been cleaned twice and she still hadn't had enough to occupy her time until the bar opened that night. Every time she paused, though, all of her worries came back to her in a torrent of information.

_I just can't stop thinking about it! I'm still furious with him! I understand but I don't, there's so much about this that makes sense but so much that doesn't. How could you do this to us, Cloud?_ She strode over to the main area of the bar and back, pacing, finally settling against the side of a door frame, sitting down with a sigh. “I need to get out of here.” It was true and she knew it, but having the two children around made it nearly impossible to get away. Still, she knew it would be best for all of them if she could truly devote her full care and attention on them and right now she wasn't able to.

Hands shaking, she found her phone, dialing the only person she could think of to help her. When the call was answered, her voice trembled just as much as her body. “I need a really big favor, Barret.”

His voice came out loud and clear, sounding very concerned. “Hey Tifa, what's the matter with ya? Are you alright? You know I'll do whatever ya want me ta do but you gotta tell me you're alright!”

“No, it's fine, just stuff around here, you know? I need to get away from here for a while. Just... relax, you know? I've been working day in and day out every day, I just need some rest. I was wondering if you could take the kids for a few days.”

“Geez 'Teef, you needed a break for two goddamn years! It's about time you took a vacation! Yeah, I've been wantin' to see my girl! I'll hog those kids for as long as you'll let me!”

“Thank you so much. It's been so crazy around here. I'll see if I can call Reeve, he has a few regular aircraft up and running now.”

“He's been sendin' those over here anyway to test this new fuel we've rigged up. It's not the best we got yet, but we're workin' on it! Cid's been doin' what he can with engines and all that, try and make 'em more efficient but he's busy right now so maybe Reeve's got somethin' up that really long sleeve of his!”

She smiled, gladly distracted. “It sounds like you've had a lot of work to do out there. I hope this isn't too much trouble for you.”

“You know damn well it's never trouble! I've been so busy myself, I can hardly come out there and see my two favorite girls! Dun' tell Yuffie that, either!”

“My lips are sealed!”

“It'll be busy for sure, but it's the kind of good hard work we're supposed to be doin'! So tell me some news, girlie! I wanna know what's been goin' on over there!”

A brief pause took over as she contemplated how to tell him. “I meant to tell you earlier but things really got in the way and I forgot. We finally cleared away enough of Sector Seven to get beneath the plate. A lot of people were... found under there. We did what we could, helping in the dig and then having a funeral for all of them, but it never feels like enough, you know?”

“Ah geez... I know, Tifa, I know how you feel about it. Did they find... y'know...”

“Yeah. I found them, really. The staircase, I mean. Some other workers found the bodies, but I identified them when they came up. They even found Denzel's parents. I knew you wouldn't have been able to make it so I just didn't tell you. I'm sorry.”

“No, no, I get it. You're right, I got too much goin' on in Corel to have come to it and I woulda felt guilty for not comin' at all. So you all helped, huh? How'd Spike take it?”

The silence this time was even longer. “He... didn't come. I mean I saw him for a minute but he didn't come to the dig.”

“Whaddya mean he didn't come? He just didn't have time to dig or what?”

“He didn't come at all. He said he would come to the funeral, he told Denzel but he just... didn't come.”

“WHAT?!” She hastily jerked the phone away from her ear as he shouted. “What in the name of the damn planet coulda kept him from somethin' like that? What's goin' on in his mako fuddled head that he couldn't keep a promise to Denzel? That kid takes to him so much, y'know?”

“I know. If Vincent hadn't been there for us I don't know what I would have done. I don't think I could have handled it alone.”

This time the long silence came from him, a very unusual occurrence. “Huh? Vincent's still around there? You mean he's finally decided to live around human beings and not hang around that damn bewitched forest? So what was he doin' anyway?”

“He lives in Edge now, to keep a closer eye on what Shinra has been doing. Nothing serious, I guess he just wants to make sure everything is alright. He helped out with the dig, too, and everything else that's been going on. He did what he could for Denzel when Cloud didn't come around.”

“Damn that idiot, always messin' everything up! Don' let him come back, you hear? He messed up seriously this time!”

“I know, don't worry. I already... kicked him out. He's not coming back, I don't think.” She sighed, taking a moment to sort her feelings. “He's probably living back at the church again, knowing him. I don't know, I just keep feeling like I could have done something different, I could have been different, but I just can't do whatever it is he needs.”

“He needs a boot to the head, that's what! Whatever yer thinkin' it's not your fault, Tifa! He's had it messed up ever since Nibelheim and you know it! Just go do something, take a break from it all. You don't need to hang around waitin' for him anyway! Have Reeve gimme a ring when he's bringin' the kids over and you go straight off to wherever you gotta go!”

To her surprise, she laughed. “Alright, I'll do that. Thank you so much, Barret, I really need this.”

“I know it so you jes' get out and...” He trailed off, the sound of heavy machinery suddenly crashing. “No you damn foo' what the heck are ya doin' out there? Sorry 'Teef, I gotta go. These idiots are messin' everything all up, I'll talk to ya later.”

“Alright, go teach them a lesson for me. Seeya soon.” She hung up, leaning her head back against the wood with a sigh. Bringing her hand to her head, feeling a headache threatening to form, she slumped, exhausted. _I really hate you right now, Cloud. Well, maybe not hate, but... I don't know. I know that what happened to you in Nibelheim changed you forever, but I really hoped you would let it go._ A thought suddenly occurred to her. _It's funny, I never really knew you even before that. How did I come to think we could be together, even after all we had been through? I know you have a good heart, you really do, but your attachment to the past is slowly killing you. The things that drew me to you don't make up for what separates us. Maybe we were just never meant to be. Maybe we were just meant to remain friends._

Her gaze was drawn to a photograph of all of them on the wall. _We had such a strong friendship, I thought it could go farther, but I think I was wrong. I can't be a replacement for Aerith. I can't take her place in your heart no matter how hard I try. You can't try to see her in me. We're just two different people, you and I, and we'll never meet on common ground. You'll still be like a brother to me, you're still my friend, but I don't think we were meant to be together._ Like a weight lifting off her chest, she felt her guilt and frustration dissolve. It was a start.

After a quick call to Reeve, who confirmed that he could have the children taken to Corel later today, she already felt more relief than she ever thought she would feel again. He had a key to the bar just like everyone else and even offered to pack what they needed for her after she explained her situation. Once more she was thankful that her friends were there to help her when she needed it after all she had done to help them. When that was done, though, she wasn't sure where exactly she wanted to go. _I know I need to get out of here, but where?_ Wherever it was, she didn't want to be surrounded by people. She felt like breaking things right now.

“ _The Forgotten City is a good place to think. I was able to find some solace there.”_ Not long after the geostigma crisis, she had asked Vincent why he had lived in a place like that for such a long time. Oddly enough, she had expected his answer, since she too found something strangely comforting about the empty city. _It's a long journey there. Boats are too slow and I already used enough favors with Reeve._ The chocobo stable that had been built in Edge still had their legendary gold chocobos, and now that the breeding program was well under way, there was no reason she couldn't take it for a ride. _I think we both need to stretch our legs, don't we?_

The stable was on the outskirts of Edge, a large set of barns with a wide paddock outside. When she entered the barn, the caretaker looked up, recognized her, and went about his business feeding and brushing his charges. She reached the gold chocobo, her own intelligent female. There were others that belonged solely to Cloud, but this one was hers. With a smile, she entered the stable and scratched the chocobo's head.

“There's a good girl.” She scratched behind the ears, the tall bird warking happily. “Would you like to go on an adventure today?” The chocobo chirped curiously, her bright mind comprehending the question. “Yeah, me too. I know just the place.” Harnessing her up, she led her chocobo out of the stable and into the paddock, a long lead attached to her bridle. After walking her to warm up, she ran the gold through her paces. In the racing arena she was undefeated, and despite being cooped up for a while, she showed plenty of spunk and energy. Once she was suitably warmed up, Tifa rose into the saddle, taking the reins. Letting the gold have her head for a while, they headed north through the vast plains.

The wind on the plains felt refreshing, the nip of cold just enough to embolden her senses. As they camped on the beach before making the long ocean crossing, she felt a sense of freedom that she hadn't felt in ages. She was alone, she didn't need anyone's help, and she made her decisions as they came along. It was cathartic, being surrounded by the forces of nature, her only concerns being where to camp and what to eat. When night fell, she didn't slip back into her old worries, only resting well on the hard, cold ground. In the morning, she would even dare to say she felt rested.

With a stretch and a deep breath, she sat tall in the saddle, feeling the need to increase the pace. “I've seen you run circles around Teioh, let's see what you can do!” Beneath her the gold warked with joy, charging forth in a burst of speed. Spray flew behind them as the legendary gold chocobo, the ocean strider, crossed the sea with blinding speed. Rainbows sparkled in the spray, the drops flying back in a small wake. They reached the shore of Bone Village in nearly record time, easily making it before lunch time. In the distance, the ruins at the village pierced the skyscape, but she turned northeast to face the canyon that led down into the gorge cutting the way into the old forgotten capital. Her gold chocobo easily handled the rough terrain and they slowly entered the cavern.

A tall, empty shell dominated the scene that they saw first, the building that led down into the crystalline staircase. The pool of water outside had its own dark past, first used to bury Aerith, then used by Kadaj to poison the minds of the children inflicted with geostigma. Now it sparkled innocently, the rays of sunlight from above filtered by the trees. South, the road changed in structure to one made of hard shell, and she led her chocobo down to one of the houses. Not much had changed from the last time she was here, but simply looking through everything gave her a welcome respite.

One house was different from the others. It had obviously been lived in recently, a few odds and ends left behind. Tethering the chocobo to a post outside, leaving her some greens, she went inside and looked around. She wasn't the type to snoop, but the building had been abandoned for six months now. Despite that, it looked like he was ready to come back any minute. An old magazine sat at the table, issued before the Nibelheim crisis, something she supposed he kept to catch up on history. There were a few books that suggested the same, all covering the time when he was sealed. A ceramic cup rested on the table as well, along with a nearby stash of black tea. _Interesting. I thought you didn't require such things. Guess you still like them._

Taking the tea to bring it back to him, she stuffed in her pack and sat on his chair, just thinking. The silence was comforting rather than oppressive, and she felt a peculiar, gentle energy flowing through the town. On one shelf, something caught her eye and she walked over to investigate. Bits of polished, colored stone, odd looking shells twisted in curls, pieces of what had probably been jewelry once and fragments of shimmery shell, the mother of pearl shining in the light. _All sorts of things you found interesting while you were out._ A rough, twisted piece of coral lay on the nightstand, the turns and curves a puzzle to look at. _I wonder why you collected these things. You never really seemed that much interested in anything, much less insignificant things like this. Then again, you see things differently. You always look at things like you already know them. Do you know these, too, or did you just keep them because they looked interesting? Maybe I'll go out too and see what catches my eye._

A cold breeze flowed through the trees outside, tall branches swaying back and forth as she walked through the forest. It had been too long since she really had time to herself, and as she walked she found herself thinking harder than she had in a very long time. _Why was I even with Cloud? The more I think about it, the sillier I feel. I can't remember why I was with him. Maybe I never knew, maybe it was just because he was there. He would help me when I was in trouble, but he did that for anyone. What did he ever do only for me?_

Stopping to pick up what looked like an old amulet, she looked at it, her fingers going over the inlaid grooves. _No, he never did anything just for me. Only Aerith got to see that side of him. I needed to realize that, I think. He cares about me, but not like that and if I have to be honest with myself, I don't care about him in that way either. Maybe I could have, if things had been different, but they aren't and I don't. Trying to make ourselves into something we're not isn't healthy for either of us._ She smiled, looking out into the peaceful forest. _I guess there is some solace to be found here._

Then, she again found herself wondering about Vincent. _I wonder what you found here. I wonder if what you're doing now is helping you find it. I'm guessing it has something to do with Lucrecia. You never really had a chance to be with her even for a while, and here I am regretting being with Cloud. I'm thankful for that time, but at the same time it leaves me empty. You never knew what it would be like to be with the person you cared about most. With a history like yours, being one of the Turks, I guess you never had much of anything that was yours. When she ran off with Hojo of all people, I can't even imagine what you were thinking. I'm alright with Cloud still loving Aerith, I really am, but that... it must have hurt._ Leaning to grab a smooth green stone, suspecting Yuffie might like it, she sighed. _I hope you find closure, however it might come to you._

 

* * *

**Didn't you feel it? Didn't you feel how my talons tensed, how my muscles ripped through scales as if they were so much paper?**

_Leave me alone._

**I glorified in it while you shrank from it, weakling. It cleanses me, didn't you feel how it was to be liberated, to be unchained? Couldn't you want to feel that forever?**

_Leave me, Chaos. I will not be tempted by you._

**You cannot unmake me, human. You will not change me from what I am, you know this. It is impossible for me to go against my nature, much as it is for you and yours. I am not sorry for what I have done, but you must understand why I do it.**

He relaxed, uncurling from his tight ball.  _ I know. That is why we have to work together on this. I need your cooperation just as much as you need mine. We can't do this without each other. _

**I do realize this, but when given the chance to do what I am here for, I am compelled to do it. Even if I didn't wish to do it, I would have to. It is what I'm for.**

_Then you understand why I will fight you just as hard as you fight me. We are in this together._

**We are, but I can promise nothing.**

_ Don't promise, then, just make it happen. _ He straightened into a sitting position, sighing as his two friends came over at last. “It's safe.”

Nanaki came to him, his tail flicking anxiously. “Are you alright?”

_ I almost killed you, of course I'm not alright. _ Ignoring the question, he withdrew, walking ahead resolutely. “Let's keep moving.”

The journey from then on was eerily silent, even Cid left mollified by the incident. Towards the back of the cave, though, Cid pointed toward a shining light and spoke out. “Hey, what's that down there?”

In the center of the circular room, the light came from a large collection of crystals surrounding the woman encased in them, thinning at the ceiling and the ground. Lucrecia was there, hovering between life and death, forever entombed in the crystal. Vincent felt himself drawn to it, seeing her just as he had remembered her, unmarred by the passage of time. “Lucrecia...” Reaching out carefully, he lightly touched the surface with his claw, the crystal glowing gently.

“Well whaddya know... that's one huge-ass chunk of rock.”

Nanaki approached as well, inspecting the crystal. “It tapers at the ceiling and the floor. If there were some way to cut the crystal, it could be used on these weak points to remove her from the cave.”

Lucrecia's eyes suddenly opened halfway, startling all but Vincent as she regarded them silently. A thick haze filled the cavern, surrounding them as her image appeared in the mist. “Don't think of doing such a thing. Leave me here. I have caused enough pain to this world.”

Frustrated, Cid cursed, looking at her. “We didn't come all this damn way through all that cave just to go back out again! We've been looking for you and you're going to answer our goddamn questions!”

“No, I can't help you. I can't help anyone. Please leave me here where I know I won't cause more harm.”

Vincent, silent until now, looked at her, his eyes boring into hers. “I have to know. Please. Chaos is becoming harder to control as time goes on. I need to know how you sealed him in me.”

She seemed to consider answering him, but quickly withdrew. “It is bad enough that I have placed such a burden on you. I did it to restore your life, but all I did was cause you more pain.”

“I'm... grateful for the chance, Lucrecia. I found more than I had ever hoped to find again, after I realized what had happened to me, but now I need your help.”

Nanaki shook himself briefly, thinking over what they knew. “It's not entirely impossible for him to separate from Chaos, but in order to know more, we must know how you initially did it. All we want is an answer. If we can purify the lifestream and separate him from Chaos, it may be enough to ensure that Chaos never rises again in any form.”

Her eyes closed, mouth tilting in a frown. “It's impossible to get him out the same way in which he went in. As long as Jenova holds me, I will remain here. Without Jenova, I will die, even my abilities can no longer free me from this crystal, not even dying will release me. I made the seal too tight.”

Suddenly realizing what she meant, Vincent's forehead hit the plane of the crystal, his voice low and hopeless. “It was your ability. You could seal things. The power was something unique to you. That's how you were able to release Chaos in the first place. That's how you sealed yourself here.”

“Yes.” She looked down, wanting so much to hold him again. “And now I have caused you even more grief. Please leave here and forget me. It will be for the best.” In a sudden gust of wind, the mist was gone, her consciousness fading back into the crystal. Everything was suddenly silent, devoid of all but the faint dripping of water in one of the far caverns. All that remained was the hopelessness of their quest.

Hitting the crystal with his claw in frustration, he felt an unfamiliar tingle in the back of his eyes, rare and frightening as he fought against his emotions, his voice breaking. “Damn it...” Sliding against the plane of the crystal, he fell to his knees. “I was so close. I really thought I would find it here.”

Nanaki approached him, resisting the urge to nudge him with his nose. “We can't give up now, we still have many options to explore.”

Vincent gave him a withering glare. “Please, remind me of what they are, I can't think of them now.”

He pondered that, taking the time to think of something that might work. “What about the lifestream? Are we still going to purify it?”

**It is here.**

_I really don't want to talk to you right now._

**But it is here, the place where I was made.**

_The place you were made?_

“Vincent?”

He turned to his friend, nodding slowly. “We may as well. It can't do any good leaving it as it is. How do we do it, though? How does it become tainted anyway?”

“If a soul is too impure, their energy does not join with the lifestream. Those who have led a sinful life are separated from it, isolated in their selfishness. Nobody that dies is ever gone completely, and their energy will be used to create new life on the planet, but an impure soul doesn't get such a fate. Even Sephiroth has joined the stream, but he will never be one with the planet like the others.”

“But he is still part of it? Where do the impure souls go?”

“I suppose they are separated from the main part of the lifestream and taken to the place where Chaos was born, pooling until there are so many that Chaos has no choice but to be activated. It would make sense, judging by what I read in those files.”

“So we should try to find that place and the impure souls will be gathered there?”

“I don't know, but it seems like a fair assumption to make that it would happen that way.”

**It is where I was made, human. I will not lie to you about this. This concerns both of us.**

Cid was watching him closely, catching on to the internal exchange. “That bastard talkin' to you again? What's he got to say this time? He wants to chew our faces off again?”

He shook his head, trying to stay calm despite his worries. “No, he agrees that he was born in this cave and this is where the tainted lifestream is. I don't think he's lying, but we should still be careful.”

“Yeah really, he might lead us into a hundred fucking traps.”

“He wouldn't draw us into anything we can't handle. If I die, he dies with me. He can't exist in the outside world for long without something to support him. As weak as the tainted lifestream was when he was extracted, it wouldn't be enough to keep him for long.”

“So where is this place he was born, anyway? Are we gonna go look at it or stand around and talk all day?”

_Very well, where is it, Chaos?_

**It isn't far. Your woman sealed herself in the place it all began. Where the cavern in the floor twists, there the pool starts to form. The bare lifestream is exposed, drawn to where I once was.**

A brief set of images flowed through his thoughts, showing him how to get to the cavern. “He showed me where to go. Are you two coming?”

“Dammit Vince, you really gotta ask? Of course we're fucking coming, you moron. Just lead on before I develop a damn cramp from standin' here so long!”

Nanaki urged him on, staying by his side. “Lead on, we've been through worse than this together.”

“I suppose that's true,” Vincent agreed, sighing to himself as he led the way into a tunnel. _Most scrapes we've been through were this bad or worse, but I'm still worried. I can't help but think that one day I might not be able to stop myself from hurting all of you._ It wasn't something he wanted to think on too hard, and he resolutely brought himself back to focusing on the path ahead. Near the back of a long, twisty maze of passages that all looked alike, a crack in the ground deepened into a crevice, then a true rip in the earth beneath them.

A thick, black substance swelled through the exposed channel of the lifestream in the back of the cave, oozing slowly as it coalesced in one area of the wide pool. Kneeling to look at it, Nanaki crouching on his belly, they watched as it swirled and joined together.

“It reminds me of the black materia,” Nanaki said. “It has that same energy, too.”

Cid peered at it, looking confused. “So this is where all those impure souls go?”

“It seems so.”

“Well, how can we purify it, I wonder?” Vincent mused aloud. “There must be some way to do it.”

“They can only join the lifestream if they are somehow absolved of their sins. Most of them won't be able to do it on their own and they will stay here forever.”

“On their own? Is there a way to help them? What about the pure waters from the church?”

“We can't help them, we are still alive. Disconnected from the lifestream as they are, they wouldn't hear us. The water would only help rid it of Jenova, which we already did. We would need the power of a planet speaker to even hope to reach them.”

“A planet speaker...”

Cid perked up, his eyes widening. “Oh yeah, the Ancients! Wasn't Aerith one of those people that could listen to the planet and understand it? I always thought she was so peculiar, puttin' her ear to the ground like she did, but mebbe she heard somethin' none of us did.”

Nanaki's ears twisted forward, a grin on his face. “That's right, she was a planet speaker. When we were in the labyrinth, she understood the sages that remained there when all we heard was nonsense.” He deflated as quickly as he was encouraged, his tail drooping. “She's gone, though. By now she is probably too deep in the lifestream to hear us.”

“Yeah, she had no reason to hang around after that geostigma was gone.”

“The only way now is for someone who is near death to agree to take our message into the lifestream. That is the only way she will know. Even that would take time, since the person would have to navigate the lifestream and find her. The person we choose cannot be a weak soul, they would need a powerful life force to make it that deep in such a short time.”

“The problem,” Vincent said, “is that if they are already near death naturally, they are already too weak.” He leaned back on his heels, musing. “I don't like where this is going.”

After a long silence, Cid spoke up. “Uh... not for nothin' but how 'bout Lucrecia? If we go and get Jenova out of her, she'll die, won't she?”

“I hope you're joking.”

Nanaki's tail swished back and forth as he paced. “He's right, though. We can't free her. That crystal is too much for any of us to break, we would be lucky just to make a dent in it. If she were cured of Jenova's cells, though, she would be free in another sense.”

“I watched her die once already, I'm not going to watch it again just on a whim. I'm not throwing her life away on something that might not even work. I can't do that to her again.”

He only stared up, his wise gaze watching him, understanding his plight. “I know you understand why I say this, Vincent. She is stuck in this world just as much as you are, and if we have a way to get her free, it would be unfair of us to deny her the chance if she wanted it. It may be that she wants that chance just as badly as you do.”

Thinking about it carefully, he tried to see things from her point of view. They were both accidental immortals, locked in an eternity they couldn't escape from. He, at least, still had the ability to move, to walk away and go elsewhere, but she remained as she was, trapped in the crystal forever. It was a cold, lonely fate, lost to everything outside of that cave, waiting as time went on endlessly. “If I were her, I suppose I would rather have death than this prison. If we find a way to break the crystal... we can let her decide on what she wants to do.”

“I know it's hard to even think about, but she might be our only option if it comes to it. The only thing we might be able to do for her is give her an end that has meaning. Allowing her to suffer in that crystal will accomplish nothing, and I think she would agree.”

Cid looked at him, drawing a heavy sigh. “Look, I know how you must feel but he's got a point. Besides, she's still going to be stuck in that huge rock, if we could put her in the lifestream somehow she'd probably sink right to the bottom.”

Avoiding their gazes, Vincent withdrew. “I don't want to hear you talking about her like that, Cid. She is still a living human being.”

“Damn, I know that! You know I don't have a way with stuff like this, I don't mean it that way.”

Nanaki tried to rescue what was left of the conversation, his quiet voice trying to pacify them. “We don't even know if we can penetrate her seal anyway. If we find a way to, we can think about it then. We must still respect Lucrecia as a living person with her own will, and we can tell her our options if we have options to give her. Until then, we don't even know if there is a problem.”

Momentarily calmed, Vincent nodded. “Let's not discuss it any further, then, until we know what we're dealing with. For now, we can give our crystal shard to Shera to investigate.”

Cid groaned, looking at the large fragment in his hands. “Y'know I didn't mean it the way I said it, Vincent, really,” he said, dropping the usual nicknames. “If it was Shera, I wouldn't wanna do it either, I'd be going crazy trying to find a way out of it. I just dunno what to do, you know?”

“It's alright, Cid. I know you would feel just like I do if it was Shera in there, but it isn't her in there. Let's just leave for now.”

Letting out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, he agreed. “Yeah, let's get the fuck outta here, I'm getting' claustrophobic.”

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Letting Go Ch. 6

 

* * *

“Man, why do we have to do this shit anyway?” Reno grumbled as he shoved another paper through the scanner. “And where's Elena, she's missing the fun!”

His partner, Rude, only silently handed him another stack of sheets as he went through his own pile. “Because it's our job.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know that. She's off doing I don't wanna know with Tseng or something, I bet. Then we're here, scanning all of these damn papers. Why do we gotta scan all this shit?”

“We were paid to.”

“You know what I mean! We're Turks, damn it, and we're stuck turning all this crap into digital files so they can have backups? How many more do we have left?” He looked back over the stacks they had remaining, groaning. Retrieving all of the files from Shinra Headquarters had been an adventure in and of itself, but now it seemed like too much of a banal chore for them to have even thought about agreeing to it.

“It's almost done.”

“No it isn't, we still have a stack the size of a skyscraper back there! We're just finishing the high risk files but all of that back there is even more stuff!” He scanned them automatically now, the motion committed to muscle memory. At least they were near the end of the alphabet on the high risk files. “Man, we're finally on V, I can't wait for Z, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“But then we have all the level five crap too. I still don't get why they asked us, of all people.”

“Classified information.”

“Yeah okay. I guess we do deal with this stuff all the time.” The scanner jammed, screeching, and he kicked it in disgust. “Damn it! Not again!” He cursed as Rude came over, patiently removing the jammed paper and resetting the scanner. “Thanks, man. I'm no good with this thing.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh thanks a lot, geez.” The minutes ticked by, the piles never seeming to end, getting more and more stressful as the repetition grained on them. Then, curiously, Rude stopped in his sorting, turning to his partner.

“It's not here.”

“Huh?” Reno looked at the stack of files, searching in them. “What's not here?”

“Vincent Valentine.”

“What are you talking about? That guy should be somewhere in here, right? He's probably already been done or he's in the other pile or something. Go look.”

“He was level four.”

“How the hell do you know that, you got a photographic memory or something?”

“Yeah.”

“...seriously?” He eyed his quiet partner warily, his brows raising to his hairline. “Man I didn't know you could do that. You sure he didn't get misplaced or something?”

“Might be.”

“I'll take a look, I gotta stretch. My eyes hurt like crazy too.” Leaning back, popping his abused spine, he sauntered over to where the level five classified files were stacked high to the ceiling, searching for any sign of the missing file. “Damn, it doesn't look like it's over here, either. You think maybe it got thrown out or something?”

“Unlikely.”

“Guess you're right. Man, what do we do? We're supposed to scan these in order, alphabetical and all that. What if somebody took it?”

“We find it.”

“How the heck are we going to find it in all this mess? If somebody took it we'll be in deep shit!”

“We should tell Reeve.”

“What? Oh no way!” He started pacing nervously, grabbing at his hair. “What if we're the ones that somehow lost it? Do you know what the punishment is for losing something important like that?”

“...yeah.”

“We gotta find it then. Man, but where could it be? Who could even want something like that?”

“He would.”

His palm slapped against his forehead as he sighed a very aggravated sigh. “What, you think he took it himself? Why?”

“It's his.”

“Why now? What the heck would he want it for? It's just that Hojo crap right?”

“It's a lead.”

Once more looking around the piles of paper waiting for them to scan, he supposed they really had no better plan than that. If nothing else, they could at least try to find it. “Yeah, you're right, it's something to go on. He lives here in town, right? I don't suppose you know where he lives, do you?”

“Yeah.”

“You...” Shaking his head, he dismissed whatever he was thinking. “Never mind, let's get on it then. We gotta track it down before anyone realizes what we're doing. If anyone asks, we're on a coffee break!” Locking up the store room, he followed Rude out into the street, already feeling like they were going to look for the needle in the haystack. If their superior wanted them to then spin that hay into gold, then as Turks they were compelled on their honor to do it. He sure as heck wasn't going to like it, though.

 

* * *

The peaceful quiet that usually pervaded the Sector Five church was very suddenly broken when Reno unceremoniously kicked in the door. Rude gave him a scathing look for doing so, but followed behind him anyway as they came into the church. At first it seemed that the place was empty, but a few things left by one of the benches suggested otherwise.

“Hm, where do you suppose Strife got to?”

A voice came from behind them, startling Reno. “I'm right here. What do you want?”

He turned to the blond quickly, a far too wide grin on his irritating face. “Hey, there you are! You know, we've been looking all over for you!” Rude glanced at him and he shrank back slightly. “Um, I mean... We're looking for Vincent, have you seen the guy recently?”

Cloud only huffed, annoyed, turning from them to head to the rear of the church. “How should I know where he is?”

“Come on, you're his friend, aren't you? We tried to call his phone – don't ask how we got that – and he's not answering. Just goes to voicemail every time.”

“Ask Tifa, then. She's pretty good at knowing what everyone else is doing.” He was a little surprised that what he said sounded bitter. After all, it was his fault he was in this situation. Wasn't it?

“Already tried her. She's not home and her phone's off too. Nobody around here seems to know where they went, so here we are. You know where Tifa is?”

His mouth set in a scowl, he faced them both. “No.”

Reno's brow shot up at that, but for once he didn't comment. “Oh, alright... well thanks anyway, man. We'll see you around.” He turned to leave, but Cloud's quiet voice made him stop in his tracks.

“Wait,” he said, turning around and running a hand through his hair. “If you see her, please tell her I'm sorry. She'll know what you mean.”

“No can do, man,” Reno stated, leaning to one side. “If it's that bad that you're back here and not over there, you gotta handle this by yourself. I'm not your damn matchmaker.”

Cloud scowled to himself but let it go. “Whatever.”

“Hey, no whatevers! This stuff is important, you know? Oh what am I doing, talking to you like this? Nobody's gonna hold your hand through it all!” Checking the time, he waved. “Can't stay here all day, either. Work doesn't wait, right? See you later.” He turned away, following his silent partner as they moved on to the next lead, leaving Cloud alone with his thoughts.

_That's strange, for both of them to be gone. Especially Tifa. Where could she have gone?_ Sitting down on a patch of bare ground amid the flowers that still grew in abundance in the church, he sighed, staring at nothing.  _I hope she's not in trouble. What if she went outside Midgar? What if she ran into monsters out there?_

_**And why is it that she is out there to begin with, do you think?** _

His heart sank into his stomach, a chill coursing through his veins as he recognized a voice he thought had been silenced forever.  _ Sephiroth! _ It didn't make sense. How was this possible?

_**You fool, I told you I would never be just a memory!** _

In a surge of panic, he got to his feet, grabbing the oversized sword resting nearby, turning to face nothing.  _ Where are you? How are you doing this? _

_**You cannot be rid of me so easily, Cloud. In here, I live forever.** _

_No, you're dead._

_**Am I? Those in the lifestream don't die. You never did understand the finer points of it all.** _

_ This isn't real. You're only in my imagination. _ He relaxed, sitting back down, trying to rid himself of the persistent voice.  _ You aren't really there. _

_**There you go, in denial again. Whenever something isn't going right or doesn't suit you, you run away from it. Don't get me wrong, you are quick to brandish your weapon, but what about all the rest?** _

_I'm not listening to you. You're not real._

_**It never went right for you, did it? Not one thing. You were too weak, to try to set yourself apart from the others. It was because you felt different, but you weren't. In the end, you were just another soldier.** _

As much as he tried, the voice didn't go away. It reflected his worst internal conflict just as it always did, and he struggled to fight it.  _ No, I became more than that. I'm different now. _

_**Because of Hojo's tampering, that is true. But without that, what would you be now? There was a reason you were not accepted for Soldier. It's because you were weak, and not just physically.** _

It was true. He hadn't fit the requirements for any of the criteria.  _ It doesn't matter anymore. I'm not that person now. _

_**Maybe not exactly, but you are still you. You're still pathetic. Physically, you are stronger, but can you really say that you're alright?** _

The more he thought about it, the more the truth of those words sunk in. He found that he couldn't deny it.  _ Yeah, maybe I'm not. But if I'm suffering, I have friends to take care of me. _

_**Your friends? Can you really depend on them to help you? Can you really ask that of them after how little you've done for them? All you've done is show them how little you deserve.** _

_No, you're wrong! I've done a lot for them in the past!_

_**In the past, yes, but what about now? While you remain here, the whole world moves on without you. When will you move with it?** _

_I don't understand._

_**You never did, and maybe you won't. Farewell.** _

_ Wait! _ He cringed, hands on his head.  _ Don't leave me alone. _

It seemed as if Sephiroth's voice could almost look at him, the rebuttal clear in his tone.  _**It isn't my fault that you are alone right now, Cloud.** _ As his voice faded, Cloud withdrew from the outside world, the pain of realization isolating him in his trials. It was quiet. Too quiet.

 

* * *

Back in Rocket Town, Shera inspected the odd crystal under her largest microscope, the sample they brought back a bit too large for her liking. Twisting the dials slowly, she peered at the structure of it. Not surprisingly, it was dense and tough, though what was most unusual was how it responded to touch. “This is quite a puzzle you brought back. From the way it reacts, it's similar to materia. If I had a way to carve it, we could test its properties on weapons or armor.”

Cid grumbled loudly. “If we had a way to carve it, we wouldn't be doing this shit!”

“Um... oh, right, sorry. Anyway, this is a nice large sample you brought, but only a very focused laser seems able to cut it. It even broke my only diamond tool without a scratch on the darn thing. And before you ask, no, you won't be able to take my laser to the cave. It's very delicate and runs on electricity, and I doubt you want to run an extension cord through the entire cave.”

“Well how the hell are we supposed to cut it?”

“It would need a great deal of energy shot at it, focused in a thin stream. I don't know how you would do that in the cave.”

“Shit...”

Nanaki puzzled over it for a moment and came up to her, paws on the table as he regarded her closely. “What if you could use the laser with batteries? Is there a way to power it that doesn't require an outlet?”

“No, a laser requires too much power to go on a battery, and definitely not in the strength that was needed to carve the crystal. The battery would be dead in seconds.”

In the far corner, Vincent spoke quietly. “The degree to which we would need it is along the lines of an excavation, not cutting fine jewelry.”

At the table, Nanaki's ears perked. “Fine jewelry? Ah, of course! We would need to carve through it like a powerful gemstone.”

Shera groaned to herself. “The application of diamonds in science are all I know about. They're rare and expensive, and difficult to dig up. Only scientists and the wealthy had any access to them, so I don't know much about them aside from what they can be used for. I'm certainly not a jeweler. As it is, it would take a fortune to replace the one diamond tool I had that got broken.”

The regret could clearly be heard as Vincent spoke up. “I'm sorry, Shera, I didn't mean for you to break it on my account.”

“Don't be silly, it was a diamond, the hardest substance we knew of, I didn't expect it to break! It was the only thing I hadn't tried yet! It's part of the scientific process, so don't even think about apologizing for something I did.”

Cid grinned, laughing. “Yeah, besides, Shera's always breaking stuff around here! Wouldn't be the same without something falling apart.”

“There is one thing I haven't tried yet, and that's using magic. I'm not a magic user by any means, and it would need someone with a great deal of control and focus to use magic against it. I'm not going to trust it to Cid's bumblings.” She smirked, giving her husband a sly wink. Though she was still shy by nature, she had learned to get along with his banter.

“Oh come on now, I'm not that bad!”

“You're not bad, but you're not what this experiment needs.”

Nanaki looked nervous but willing to try. “I'm not sure what to do, but I can use magic. I must admit, though, that Vincent is more skilled at the control of magic than I am.”

She peered back at Vincent, who was doing his best to blend into the wallpaper. “Oh? Would you be willing to do this, Vincent?”

He paused, still unsettled from losing control of Chaos, now being asked to be part of an important project that would rely on his control. With a nod, he reluctantly agreed. “I suppose there is some truth to that. I will do what I can.”

“Alright. Let's start with something basic. How about ice magic?” Handing him the large crystal, she took out a magnifying glass, watching the mana swell in his fingertips. “Slowly, now. It looks like it's going to react.” The crystal turned from clear to green, radiating a soft light. “A little more power now.” Green changed to an aqua green, but did little else than change color. “Strange. It just alters the color.”

“A different magic might get a different result.”

“How about earth magic? The crystal came from the earth, maybe it will have a greater affinity.” A new color surrounded the stone, a yellow magic that pulsed through. The crystal now resonated with sound, getting louder or softer as he increased and decreased the amount of magic used. When he altered the earth magic slightly, the pitch changed. “Fascinating... ice magic changes color, earth magic creates sound. Lightning and fire might have more violent effects.”

“It is, as you said, part of the scientific process.”

She laughed, nodding. “That's true! Let's try the fire, then, but be careful!”

Cid slowly backed away, haunting the corner Vincent had been in. “Just don't burn the house down, Valentine!”

“Quiet! He's concentrating!” They all looked now as Vincent slowly channeled fire magic, the red hue cautiously wrapping around the stone. Now the crystal shook, vibrating as it hummed loudly. “We might be on to something here. Fire magic seems to cause it to shake. I wonder what would happen if it increased.” At her cue, he let more magic seep into it, the shaking increasing slowly. “I wonder if that could be used on--” She was cut off as the crystal suddenly exploded, shards flying every which way. One large piece shot out the window, followed by a large explosion that shook the entire house.

“Oh,” Cid groaned. “Please... please tell me you didn't. Please tell me that wasn't what I think it was!” He looked out the window, moaning even louder as he looked out on a very fiery, smoky mess. “My Bronco! My Tiny Bronco! You blew it to pieces, you shithead! Do you have any idea how much work I put into that damn thing?”

Shera was quicker to react in a practical manner, grabbing a conveniently placed fire extinguisher and running outside. Nanaki and Vincent did what they could to help by casting ice magic towards the blaze, Cid eventually following with another extinguisher from the house. A few of the nearby neighbors came to gawk as they fought the inferno down to a smoking pile of melted metal, glass and plastic. As the immediate threat waned, the onlookers finally filed away, leaving the rest of them to deal with the mess. Relieved, Shera turned to Cid warily, hoping he wasn't overly upset. “It's alright, Cid, you still have the airship. The Bronco just wasn't the same after it got shot down into the ocean before, I don't think you could have ever gotten it to fly again.”

“I know,” he said weakly, looking at the remains of his old plane. “It's just that damn thing was my escape, you know? After the whole rocket crap. It was around when there was nothing good left. Then those damn Shinra idiots shot it down!”

“I'm so sorry, Cid,” Vincent said, approaching slowly. “I know how much that plane meant to you. I'm not sure what happened, I leaked as little magic as possible into the crystal, but it was like something snapped inside it. It's like the capacity was suddenly reached.”

“Geez, of course you didn't try, that's why they call them accidents! Capacity, huh? You mean that thing has a limit? You suppose you could do that again if you had to?”

“If it reacts so violently, it might not be wise to do it again.”

“Yeah, don't need you blowing up the damn airship too!”

Shera put a hand on his arm comfortingly. “You know we're just lucky that none of us were hurt, and nobody else was either. The reaction could have sent that fragment anywhere. Please, just go for now, take those two home. I'll clean up and see what else I can come up with.”

Grudgingly, he nodded, still glaring at the ashes. “Yeah, alright. I know it could have been worse. I just... yeah, I gotta get out of here. Come on, you guys, let's get outta here before somethin' else decides to spontaneously combust!” With one last mournful look at what remained of his old companion the Tiny Bronco, he turned away to face the others. “Fuck, this really makes things different. That damn crystal is gonna be the end of us! We gotta find someone who knows what they're doin' when it comes to rocks.”

“Ah,” Nanaki said, “then we better find an expert in the land, right? Barret has spent much of his life in mining, maybe he would have seen something like this or known someone who has.”

“That's why I like you, Red! Always got some good idea in your head, sometimes helpful ones!”

He would have rolled his eyes if he didn't feel it would make him look foolish. “It does happen, now and then. I'll try and gather up the shards of the crystal. If nothing else, this experiment did break it, and we may be on to something. Now, we also have more than one piece, and Shera can study one while Barret studies another. There may still be some good that came of this.”

“Can't fix it now anyway, can we? Might as well use it for what it's worth! Alright, unless there are any objections, and there better not be, we're headed to Corel!” As expected, none of them said anything further about it, trying their hardest not to agitate Cid after the accident. Though Vincent tried to apologize once more in the airship, he only waved it off lightly. “Ah, no, you kinda did me a favor, really. That thing was so busted, but I kept trying to fix it anyway. Now I don't have that weighing on me anymore, you know? Just sit down, shut up, and let me fly this damn thing!”

 

* * *

Out on the vast oil fields of Corel, Barret was supervising the drilling of one of the new lines for a pump, yelling at a few of the newcomers who were out of line. Cid landed the _Shera_ in a clear path of ground, which was in short supply with all the other aircraft in residence. A few were being worked on, while others were covered with tarps or waiting their turns at the lot. Turbines whirred and engines roared, people yelling and running back and forth as the group entered the noisy scene. Barret ran out to greet them, his voice raised over the chaos.

“Hey, what are you all doin' here? You shoulda called me!”

Cid grinned, giving him a tough handshake. “We gotta make sure you're not up to no good, no sense givin' you warning! How's it been?”

“We've made a lot of progress, the kids have been helping a lot too.”

“Kids? Who, the locals?”

“Yeah, them too. Denzel, though, he's a real sharp eye with finding good parts in all this crap!”

Cid's brow raised curiously. “Denzel is here?”

“Long story.” He grimaced, looking behind him. “Hey, let's go somewhere quieter, huh? I can't even hear myself think!” Leading them away from the field, they entered one of the far buildings, one he often used as a base of operations. Though the building was just as shabbily constructed as the rest of Corel, it looked better on the inside and was almost soundproof. From another room, Denzel came out, carrying a piece of machinery.

“Look at this one! It has all kinds of weird stuff on it!”

Barret took the mystery part, looking at it closely. “Well now, looks like you found something pretty good.” He took it over to Cid, handing it to him. “Whaddya make of this thing?”

Turning it around, Cid grunted appreciatively. “It's an older wiring system for a small craft.” He frowned, growling. “Just like my damn Bronco! Did I tell you Valentine here blew up the damn Tiny Bronco?”

“What?” Laughing, he turned to Vincent. “Thank goodness someone got rid of that old eyesore! That pathetic old nag needed to be put out to pasture. How'd you manage that?”

Vincent was still hovering by the door, but he slowly came towards the group. “It was an accident.”

Nanaki approached Barret, gesturing to the pack on his back. “It's these crystals. We tried to use magic on them to see what it would do, but fire proved too volatile. They are harder than even diamonds, and we can't find a way to cut them without a laser.”

Reaching into the pack, Barret pulled out all of the broken shards they had recovered, shining with residual energy. “I dunno much about diamonds, either. We used to put diamonds on drills to dig through granite, but they were too expensive for us to do much more than borrow them from other people.”

“This is a delicate project, too. This is the same type of crystal that Lucrecia is currently encased in.”

“Oh man... so that's what you've been up to. I don't know. If a diamond can't cut it, I dunno what can.”

Denzel raised his hand, getting his attention. “You can use diamonds to cut other diamonds. Maybe you can use those things to cut the big one it came from.”

“How d'you know that, kiddo?”

“Mom told me. They would use flawed diamond pieces to cut the ones she had. She used to wear a lot of them to parties and stuff. I asked her how they make them so sparkly and she told me how they were made at a jeweler.” He grinned impishly. “The jeweler guy wasn't any good at magic, so he had to carve them the old fashioned way, she said.”

“You're a genius, kid! Figures someone from the top plate and Shinra would know somethin' like that. You know, I bet old Marta has some cookies in the oven, it's a pretty reliable rumor going around!” He winked. “Why don't you go grab an extra one! Tell her I said it's alright, ya hear?” Chuckling as Denzel ran off at full speed, he turned to the others with a smile. “Ah, well, maybe we can use them to cut the big one and get your girl outta that crystal!”

“No,” Vincent said wearily. “It isn't that simple. She is still infected by Jenova. She remained human and stable because she sealed herself in the crystal. If freed from it, she will likely mutate. Without Jenova, however... if cured, she will die very quickly from the strain of the spell that keeps her bound in the crystal. She can no longer break the spell, it's too strong now. However you look at it, she's... she can't be saved.”

“Oh man,” he groaned, gazing at the crystal shard in his hand. “Guess there's no way around it, then. So what are you diggin' this up for, then?”

Cid explained the details in his own unique, shortened way, explaining their plans to purify the lifestream. “I figured no matter what we do, it would end up with her dead. I know it's hard, to think of somethin' like this, but I dunno what choice we have.”

“I dunno either, but if you don't mind I'll take some of these and see if I can find somethin' to do with them. Maybe we can hook it up to something or make a drill with it, I dunno. Depends on how many parts we got. Denzel's been a real great kid to have around, and Marlene too. They're both great at finding useful things where we thought they were all tapped out. Tifa's gone off for a while, so I'm watching them. Just life and stuff, you know? I sure don't mind, I wish I could keep both those kids here to help me out!”

“Geez,” Cid grumbled loudly. “So what'd Spike do this time, anyway?”

“This time? Guess you know about it, then, huh? Nothin' new, guess it just wore on her too much. It'll be good for her to get out, clear her head. The guy's broken too many promises!”

“Hey come on, I didn't get the whole story! You gotta clue me in here!”

At the edge of the room, Vincent caught Nanaki's attention, whispering to not distract the other two from their discussion. “I need some air.”

Ears perked as Nanaki caught his drift. “I could stand some myself.” Exiting stealthily, they went out back, sitting on the steps of the wooden porch. Stretching out before seating himself primly, he watched Vincent as he sat next to him. “Are you alright?”

“I keep hoping I will be,” he said honestly. “This is getting very complicated.”

“Quite often the things that are the most worth working for are also the hardest. We can't give up now. Only once we exhaust every option we have. Not just for us, but for Tifa.”

“Tifa will benefit from this?”

“And Cloud. Think about it. If we purify the lifestream, that means all souls will be free to join it. All of them. Even Sephiroth.”

“Ah... you have a point there.”

“Knowing that all of them have been returned, it will give everyone hope.”

Vincent was momentarily distracted as they listened to a particularly loud comment from Barret. “I guess there's no helping that, either.”

With a sly grin, Nanaki nodded knowingly. “It's true what they say, I think. Men are far worse gossips.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

Letting Go Ch. 7

 

* * *

A few days after arriving in Corel, most of that time filled with experiments on digging using the crystal shards, Vincent returned to Edge. The experiment had come to a standstill when Barret had trouble finding any drill powerful enough to withstand the strain of breaking one crystal with another, and he had insisted that he worked better without distractions anyway. Once he returned, though, Vincent found one of his few usual haunts occupied by two very exasperated-looking Turks. The memorial was always a crowded place, but anyone that knew him knew that he came here once in a while, and these two knew anything they set out to know.

They spotted him the instant he came into view, and before he knew it, he had an agitated Reno directly in his face. “You have any idea how long we've been waiting for you? How come you never answer your damn phone?”

Unperturbed by the fact that they now had his number, he wondered why he hadn't answered it. During the time in Corel, he had been using his new headset to communicate with Cid or Nanaki, and his own phone had been off the whole time. The crystal cave didn't exactly get good reception. Seeming to ignore Reno, he took his phone out, finally turning it on. Sure enough, several voicemails had been left. “It's been off.”

He had to admit, the look on Reno's face was pretty priceless. “Are you serious? We've been looking everywhere, nobody knew where you went!”

“And what is it that you required me so badly for?”

“I think you know darn well what we want from you! You've been trying to hide from us, haven't you? Turning off your phone, going away without a trace.”

Rude, irritated by his partner's coarse and ineffective accusations, came up to Vincent, looking at him calmly. “It's your files.”

Understanding flashed across Vincent's face and he nodded. “Oh, those. Yes, Reeve gave them to me. If you had asked him, you would have saved yourself a good deal of trouble.”

The look that Rude turned on Reno would have about killed any lesser man, but the redhead took it with as much stride as he took anything else. He did at least have the tact to appear repentant. “You gotta be kidding me... Well can we just take them long enough to make copies? Corporate said copy everything, so, well, you know how it is.”

“Last I checked, Reeve was corporate.”

“Lots of levels to go through, you know? Look, whatever, I'll get the okay from Reeve, just don't tell him about this, alright?”

He gave Reno his best poker face, pretending ignorance. “I have no idea what you're talking about.”

“Waste of fucking time,” he said with an understanding grin. “Looks like we got a boss to harass, huh? Alright, no sense wasting even more time on nothing, can't take a week on coffee breaks. Come on, Rude, let's get the heck out of here!” Rude only shook his head wearily, a long-suffering sigh escaping as he followed his partner away from the scene. They didn't seem in any hurry, as usual, despite their circumstances, but that was just the way they were. Sitting on the top stair of the memorial, Vincent chuckled to himself softly.

_Without being together, that duo wouldn't get anything done. They take to battle quite well, but when it comes to anything else, they are completely dysfunctional._ He looked out on the city, watching as everyone bustled around during the last two weeks until the big holiday, getting every last bit of shopping done on time. Festive lights and decorations were lit up everywhere, bright even during the daytime. It went just as it had for hundreds of years, well back into a history nobody could remember. For most, it invoked the happiest of memories, or at least better ones, but for him, it seemed he could never get a break.

Although he and his mother got enough money from his father's excursions, the man was almost never around, always away with some new task that Shinra set him on. Whether for money or adventure, he never really knew why his father did what he did, and now he never would. His mother had done her best to try and compensate for everything, but she just never had the time and energy to do everything he needed. The money was good, but it wasn't always quite enough for both of them and she often had to find work herself to make up for the lack. It didn't matter so much, since he was quiet and mostly kept to himself, but he knew she felt guilty for it nonetheless. None of it really bothered him terribly for the most part, but during this time of year, when other children stayed home with both of their parents through the evening, he was usually home alone while his mother worked through the night. The holiday pay was just too good to ignore.

The school they spent so much money on became the only thing besides home he cared to go to. There were a few people he got along with, but nobody he could clearly call a friend, just people he could trust not to shoot him in the back and actually watch out for him like they were supposed to, and he would watch them in turn. His instructors readily praised him for doing so well at what he did, but it was only a small patch on a gaping wound. No matter what he did, how much he accomplished, it never felt like enough. Even if he was one of the elite, the best of the best, he would have gladly given it up for whatever it was he didn't have.

_I didn't even have an idea of what that was until much later. I tried to figure it out, but it never really came to me. Even when I would be sitting there at school, waiting for hours until mother came to pick me up, watching everyone leave long before me, I never knew what it was. I didn't mind, really, I knew it was all we had to work with, but it just never seemed right._ Now he looked out past the city, looking at the broken face of Midgar. It looked sad and pathetic, but in his mind he saw it as he once knew it, the imaginary scene overlaying what was now there.  _It wasn't really until that one year that I had an idea of what I was missing. Nothing special happened back then, but you were there._

He remembered that time so many years ago. His fellow Turks were celebrating at an event hall, dragging him along as they always did. Though he never felt like coming, he always ended up there anyway, so he eventually stopped fighting it. The others always drank too much, sounded too loud, and he was always the designated driver, but it was all he did on the holidays and he was thankful for what he had.

Lucrecia was also there this year, the event hall rented out for the night by Shinra. She and a few other scientists came, along with some executives and higher-ups, and he was quickly feeling uncomfortable. Making his way to the punch table, he shakily served himself a glass of punch, already overwhelmed by the amount of people present. He drank the concoction, firmly plastering himself to the wall, intent on staying there all night.

“Not much of a party, is it?”

He looked up, startled that he was being talked to. Warm brown eyes looked up at him with a hint of amusement, light brown hair swaying as she approached him casually. Her deep blue dress swelled perfectly at the hips, the cut modest but alluring. Affecting nonchalance, he shrugged. “Only if you're drunk.”

Following his gaze, she saw that some of his comrades had already had their fill of the open bar. “Tomorrow they'll regret it, but they never learn, do they?” She smiled, sipping prudently of her one and only wine for the evening. “I don't think we've met. Lucrecia Crescent.” Holding out her hand, she smirked when he only stared. “I don't bite, promise.”

Taking her hand in an uncertain handshake, he dipped his head politely. “Vincent Valentine.”

A peculiar flash of recognition flew across her face, but it quickly disappeared. “I've heard of you, I think. Or maybe there are other Valentines out there I don't know of.”

“There are some,” he admitted, missing her subtle fishing. “I'm not related to many of them, though.”

“Ah, I see.” Relief passed quickly before she schooled her face into a pleasant smile. “Good to meet you, then.” The live band played a series of songs, people dancing about gracefully to and fro. Fashionable dresses that he suddenly woke up to find vintage thirty years later, older styled suits, all frozen in a past that seemed like yesterday. “I don't suppose you dance?”

Shaking his head, he leaned harder against the wall. “I don't.”

“Perfect!” Not giving him a moment to think, she grabbed his arm, drinks abandoned as she she dragged him out into the open dance floor. Before he could even realize what was going on, her arms were around him, leading him into the dance.

Peering down at her as he followed along effortlessly, his brow raised curiously. “Mind telling me what this is all about?”

With a light giggle, she glanced briefly out at someone he couldn't see, her face darkening for the briefest moment. “Do I need a reason to want to dance with someone?”

“From the perspective of someone who usually gets away unnoticed, it does seem suspicious.” He watched her carefully, noting how she was too obviously trying to distract herself from something, her gaze faltering from his every so often to look away with a steely glare. Discreetly looking the direction she had been looking as he directed her in a spin, his eyes connected with that of a man he had seen before. Hojo, one of the top researchers in the scientific department, watching her with a much too possessive stare. Taking up on what was wrong, he pulled her closer, blocking her vision from all but himself. “Don't mind him.”

“Thank you.” Gratefully folding into his grasp, she closed her eyes, blocking out everything but what was in front of her. “It was getting pretty unbearable.”

“Stay, then,” he reassured, watching as she slowly looked up at him. “I'll protect you.”

_That was the day we met. It was an unusual meeting, but I can't imagine it happening any other way. I wasn't quite sure what to do with you, but you seemed drawn to me despite that. It's funny how, when you first meet someone, you can never imagine where it might go. I never thought that the man giving you a hard time would end up nearly destroying the world with his actions. He may not have succeeded in that, but he did destroy us._ His thoughts turned darker, remembering a winter that had changed his life forever.

Sunny and bright, it had been too cheerful a day for anything to go wrong. The weather was cold, a thin layer of snow on the ground, and people were out in it just as they always were. For him, it was one of the few times he actually went out shopping for something, looking for just the right gift for her. She was a practical sort, understated and modest, and it had taken hours of browsing before he found just the right thing for her. Plain but elegant opal earrings, not long enough to get caught on anything and not too big to be irritating throughout her long work days.

_It was the perfect gift, I could see it in your face, but what did you keep hiding from me? I knew there was something wrong with you, but I never knew what. You knew I would have worked with you, whatever it was._ There was nothing, only a cold, empty silence filled with her heart-wrenching gaze. Out of nowhere, she refused to see him, rarely said more than a few words to him, and before he knew it she was mysteriously engaged to Hojo.  _Now that I'm able to think about this more clearly, it doesn't make sense. Why did it happen that way?_

**It all comes back to Hojo. He did something that made her do this.**

Surprised, Vincent turned to Chaos in his mind.  _ I thought such things were beyond your comprehension. _

**In a way, they are, but I can see the logic of the situation. I can see into you, and I know what sort of person Hojo was. If he was hard enough to do what he did to her, to his child, he may have done this to you too. He saw you with her, maybe he manipulated or blackmailed her into leaving.**

The pieces suddenly started to fit into place, all the subtle looks, all the odd words and messages, all the things he had been too damn emotional to analyze properly before.  _ You're right. Maybe he had planned something for me all along and I never knew. Maybe she was trying to protect me from it. Just like I was thinking that I was protecting her. _

** I may not understand everything, but I understand wickedness and he had a great deal of it. He lived for none but himself, and even that was compromised for his desires. She saw what he was capable of and... ** He trailed off, searching for the right word.  ** Sacrificed herself. **

_ She sacrificed her happiness to protect me from whatever it was that he intended to do. She wed him, bore his child, but she could never love him and he knew it. Then I got too deeply involved to get out, and he got to me anyway. You were used by her to try to revive me, though the experiment went out of control. When Hojo gave up on me, she went behind his back and sealed the protomateria inside my body. In a way, she gave me a second chance, and she got hers because she was no longer bound to Hojo's whims. Knowing she had been infected by Jenova, though, she knew she didn't have much time left as a human being. She was caught up in things beyond her control, yet all she ever did was blame herself. _

**It isn't too far a thing from what you have imposed upon yourself.**

He furrowed his brows.  _ What are you talking about? _

**You did not take all that you were given. She gave you your life back, but you sacrifice it for guilt. You never use it as she wanted.**

Uncertainty came through in his thoughts.  _ I'm here, aren't I? _

**If I understand correctly, she wanted you to live, not to simply exist. This is not living by human standards.**

He couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped him.  _ Human standards? And why do you care that I meet human standards? _

** Because you are a human, ** he said logically.  ** I know you, I know everything about you. All of your fears, dreams, worries and desires. Seeing into you as I can, I do understand some of the things you speak of. Why do you persist in this? **

Why did he? So many things had happened, yet he had let them all pass by unexamined. Though he gladly protected his friends, helped others who needed him, he always kept them at a distance. He never allowed himself to grow close to any of them. _I suppose I'm afraid,_ he said honestly, knowing it was no use to hide from Chaos. _I'm afraid of many things, but mostly I think I'm afraid of being torn from who I love again. I'm afraid to live, in fear that I'll want it too badly, that when it's all gone I'll be empty._

A long silence filled the gap before the puzzled response came. **You are empty now, are you not?**

He sighed, calming his thoughts. _I suppose I've grown so used to it, I wasn't able to see how very unfulfilling it was. It's just so safe, I can't deviate from it._

**You also do it because you are immortal. Without me, though, you won't be. Will you still continue on like this without me?**

_ I don't know. _ Shaking his head, he smiled lightly.  _ Are you saying we'll succeed? _

Something akin to a feral grin came to mind.  ** Am I? Maybe you are so stubborn I'm starting to believe you. **

_ I think I might be too. _ His attention was drawn to a rather unusual sight, someone leading a gold chocobo down the street. They were no longer uncommon as a species, but they typically didn't go far from the ranch if not on business. The owner looked around, spotted him, and as she came over to him, he recognized Tifa under all of her winter gear. Giving her chocobo an absent scratch, she greeted him with a smile.

“Hey, Reno was looking for you, he looked pretty agitated. He left a million messages on my phone, is everything alright?”

Rising to greet her properly, he canted his head in a slight nod. “Yes, nothing serious. He tends to get worked up over everything too much.” Her laugh was clear, free of the dismay that had clouded it before. “You look well. I trust that wherever you have been, it has been a good experience.”

“It has. Oh, that reminds me.” Reaching into the chocobo's saddle bag, she drew out his box of tea, handing it to him. “You forgot this!”

The tea was distinct and he remembered it well. It was old but still just as good as ever, not to mention expensive. “I wondered where that went.” There weren't many places it could have turned up, and he looked down at her with a curious expression. “I trust that the ancient city is still a good place to go to think?”

Quirking a brow, she grinned at his quick deduction. “It is. So did you find anything in the crystal cave?”

That was something he hadn't expected. “I don't recall telling you where I was going.”

“You didn't.” Her smile grew wider. “It didn't take me long to figure out where you went. So what happened?”

His gaze cast down, he talked more at the tea than her. “It's a long story.” He hadn't had difficulty telling Cid, Nanaki and Barret, they knew what was going on because they were directly involved. This was different somehow.

“That's alright,” she said, gesturing to the side. “You can come inside if you want.” Catching on to his deep hesitance, she came closer, looking at his averted eyes. “I know it's difficult, but it gets better if you talk about it, I know that. Please, let me help you after all you've done for me.”

Crimson eyes darted to hers, unaware of how her breath caught every time it happened. “I don't want to burden you with my problems.”

“That's what friends are for. My problems weren't a burden for you, were they?”

“You never burden me, Tifa.”

“Then you know you don't burden me either. Come on, it's freezing out.” To his mild surprise, he followed her without further protest, patiently waiting in the chocobo barn as she unsaddled and fed her chocobo. She brushed out some of the feathers that were caught by the saddle, sanding down the shafts of the ones that were clipped to make room for the harness. Once that was finished, she exited, walking with him casually back to her bar. It wasn't the most encouraging venue to divulge one's sorrows, but the place had seen its fair share of disastrous stories.

As they walked along, she discreetly studied him. He looked withdrawn and tired, but it seemed that he had also been deep in thought. In his bearing, it was clear that many things weighed on him, but it was better than the apathy he had presented before. Midgar looked as depressing as ever, still perched like a dirty old buzzard on its broken nest, and they quickly moved out of view and down the jagged street. The bar was rightfully full of dust after her absence, but she brushed off the kitchen table with a quick sweep of the duster, sitting at that spot that just seemed to be everyone's verbal dumping ground.

Vincent handed her back the tea, taking a chair nearby. “Here, you went to the trouble of bringing it, you may as well have some.”

Heating up a kettle of water, she looked at the box with a smirk. “Black ambrosia tea? Sounds fancy.”

“It used to be, but it stopped being made twenty years ago. Now it's worth quite a sum.”

“Should we be drinking it?”

“That's what it's for.” Shaking his head, he tried to relax in his seat. “Of all the things left behind in that mansion, that was one thing I was glad for.”

She took a whiff of the inside of the box, humming appreciatively. “It sure smells nice for being stuffed away for such a long time.” Taking out a nicer set of ceramic mugs she kept around for personal use, she busied herself tidying up while the water boiled. “So how was the trip? Did Cid give you a hard time?”

“Only when it was deserved.” Face falling into his hands, he sighed heavily. “It didn't go well.” He told her the bulk of what had happened, up to and including the botched research on the crystal that led to the Tiny Bronco's fiery demise. She laughed freely at that part, only pausing to take the brewed tea to the table and seating herself.

“Oh, that poor old thing! Is Cid going to be alright?” Giggling, she poured out their tea. “Is he mad that he had to have it cremated instead of buried?”

Relaxed by her mirth, he felt more at ease about telling her more. “I'm sure a burial at sea would have been more fitting, but I suppose a violent explosion of flame was a close second.”

“Well, better than it rusting its life out in the back yard.” Her tea smelled delicious, and she carefully took a sip. It tasted exactly as it sounded, a heavy black tea with overtones of the perfect blend of fruits. “This is very good, it's a shame they stopped making it.” Meeting his glance, she caught his hesitation, deciding to cut to the chase. “I know you want to do what's best for her, Vincent, but that might not be what you want, you know?”

Looking up at her curiously, he sipped at his own tea, the familiar taste bringing to mind several restless nights. “I know. I wish I could find a way for her to live again, to be mortal and free, but it seems now that her only chance for freedom is to join the lifestream and die. I'm not sure what to think about that.”

“Death really isn't the end of everything, I think. All the people we have lost are part of this world now, part of the lifestream that binds everything together. To be stuck here, to never have a chance to see loved ones again when you too pass on, I don't think I would want that. I don't think you do either.”

“To live on, to watch others die before me, to watch everything fade while I stay the same, no. I had resigned myself to it, but now that there is hope, I don't want it.”

“I would bet it's the same with her.”

“Yes,” he agreed. “Nanaki said something like that, that if we had a way to free her, it would be unfair to deny her of it, regardless of what that price of freedom was. I know he's right, but it just feels so different because it's her. I feel like I'm killing her.”

“Jenova is killing her. Hojo killed her.” Staring at him until he shakily met her gaze, she shook her head. “It's not you, it isn't. This isn't any more your fault than...” Steeling herself, she seemed to come to a difficult conclusion. “It's no more your fault than Sector Seven is ours. I didn't want to dig up the past, I didn't want to be there when we found those bodies, it hurt more than anything but I wanted to do something right for them in the end. I couldn't help them, I can't go back in time and save them, but I had to do something.”

“She's still alive, though. Alive and trapped. What do you do when you see an animal in a trap that's still alive? Do you free it, knowing with a broken leg it will never survive, or do you put an end to its suffering? There's no easy answer to that.”

Turning her attention to the swirls in the wood of the table, she sighed lightly. “I don't know how I would confront something like that.”

“That's because you haven't been in that place before.” His tone turned cold and dark, lost in a place long ago. “Do you kill only your target, or do you defy orders and also kill the one caught in the crossfire and is beyond help? Do you leave them or do you end it, knowing the only time they have left would be spent bleeding out before you? How do you decide what to burn when you have already destroyed too much?”

“I can't really answer that.” She bit her lip, uncomfortable with his terrible past. “That's a long time ago, though.”

“The past often defines how we create our future, and it's easy to be afraid that these things may come to pass again, and here we are. This isn't very different from those hard choices years ago. Before, I could have said it was because I was ordered to, because if I didn't I would die, because someone else said it was the right thing to do, but now it isn't so simple. Now it's a choice I can make of my own free will.”

“Maybe, but...” She paused, thinking. “It might be your choice now, but it's also hers. The difference is that she has a choice too. I can't pretend to understand even a little of what you have been through, but this isn't the same. If you can't make that choice, then let her make it. If nothing changes, she'll stay there, never seeing her only child, her parents, her other relatives. Nanaki was right, if we have the option, it would be unfair to keep her from being able to take it.”

“I suppose.” Taking one long drink of his tea, he mused over it for a moment. “If it's all I can offer her, then I should offer all I have to her. She sacrificed everything for me, and it's all I can do now to give her what little I can offer in return.”

With a smile, she leaned back in her chair. “You still love her a lot, don't you?”

“I do, but in a different kind of way,” he admitted. _I grew so accustomed to the idea that she would never be mine, the love I had for her transformed into something else entirely._ “I'm not sure what to label what it is now.”

“Why did you decide to be a Turk?” The question clearly caught him off guard, and she quickly clarified. “I mean, you're such a gentle person, I can't understand how you got involved in something like that.”

With a light huff, taken aback by being labeled as gentle, he shook his head. “I don't know. Why were you in Avalanche? Didn't you understand what it meant to be in an ecological terrorist group? You're no more of a cruel person than I am, so why did you join?”

“I just wanted to help the planet, but everything blew out of proportion so quickly. I didn't know what I was doing after a while. Then Cloud came and I wanted to help him. I really thought I was doing the right thing, though I wasn't sure how we would save the planet. I knew who Avalanche was in the old days, but I didn't think it would go the way it did. I don't even know what I wanted to happen.” She groaned, head in her hands. “I must sound really dumb.”

“Not at all.” Finished with his tea, he decided to help her clean up, taking the dishes to the sink while they talked. “For a long time, I felt the same.”

“Like you were lost? Like you were just going through the motions, hoping everything would get better if only you tried hard enough?” Rising to face him, arms crossed, she watched him with a tired gaze. “Like if you didn't try your hardest even for something that didn't feel right, it was all you had and you couldn't fail?”

A touch of surprise crossed his face and he moved closer to her, looking at her with new understanding. “That's exactly how.”

Encouraged by his comprehension, she kept going. “Like you just wish someone would come out of the woodwork and tell you what was right and wrong, black and white, and not show you how many shades of gray there were?”

He nodded. “Yes. And once you became accustomed to the black and white, then someone opened your eyes to the many colors.”

“Sometimes I don't know what I'm looking at. Sometimes I can't see anything no matter how hard I try.”

Watching her, he seemed to resolve that question he had been asking himself for years. “A white canvas hasn't anything to look at. It's one thing to be born pure and remain that way, untouched and simple. But to paint our lives out in the many colors, only then do we see the picture of who we are.”

She smiled, her tension loosening. “Then we should think about what to do next so the picture turns out just right. If we do nothing but stare at it, nothing will get done.”

“Yes, you're right.” Unconsciously, his hand went to her face, lightly touching her cheek. “Nothing can change if we stand still, we can only move forward.” _When I see you, I believe it. I believe that I can finally begin to move again._ He suddenly caught himself staring, the old, familiar emotion tugging at him like a long-forgotten ache. It came at him like a ton of bricks, striking him where he stood. The instinctive reaction to it was quick, his hand withdrawn from her in an instant as he blocked himself off from the invasive emotions. This couldn't happen again. Old pains threatened to resurface and he cut himself from them, lapsing back into the comfort of nothingness. Muttering some feeble excuse, he escaped from the bar out into the cold, letting the chill wake him from whatever stupor had caused his judgment to falter. _What am I doing? How do you do this to me? Why do you make me want to forget?_ His footsteps fell hollowly, resounding in the alleys as he headed nowhere. Alone, the long day ahead felt even longer.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Letting Go Ch. 8

 

* * *

_Oh, what have I done?_ Vincent asked himself as he all but hid in the farthest corner of his living room, nowhere near a window or door.  _How could I have lost even the slightest bit of control? What is it that makes me slip?_ Never had he thought he could ever again understand someone so readily, so completely, nudging gently at the chains he bound himself with until they slipped away. He was so content to clutch those chains around him like a child's blanket, safe, secure, locked away from the rest of the world and its troubles. The reality of it, though, was that those bonds hurt him more than they helped, keeping him from the care and support that his friends so freely gave each other. They might give that to him, too, if only he allowed it, and yet somehow he was still addicted to the pain and isolation.

**You withdraw from what you are, only to see that it's all that's in you. Why try to be anything but what you are? It's all you can be, and yet you fight it.**

_I don't like what I am. I don't want to be this way._

**What, you want to be an empty shell? Nothing left except your outer appearance? If you truly felt that way, why haven't you gone back to the mansion? Why remain here?**

_I need to make sure everything is alright. I need to see that none of this ever happens again._

**Why? Why worry about it?**

_ Because I... _ He paused, seeing what Chaos was fishing at.  _ I care about them. I don't want to hurt them, so I try to do whatever I can to not hurt them, even if it sacrifices my own needs or feelings. _

** Maybe you are hurting them, though, by denying what they want to give to you in return. ** He could feel the demon turning in his mind, coming up with the right words for a difficult concept.  ** How does it go? Kindness is a gift, much as an object can be a gift. You give, and they receive, but when they give to you, you deny it. **

Recognizing this as a continuation of their previous discussion, he shook his head.  _ I don't mean to. It's just that the last time I gave in, it all just... What if it happens again? _

**If it happens again, you will be less a fool and see it before it comes too fast to change it. Haven't you learned from the past? I doubt you would be so quick to miss the signs a second time.**

_ I suppose you're right, _ he admitted, more to himself than to Chaos. As he reflected, he finally tore himself away from his corner, daring to watch out the window as clouds rolled overhead.  _ Yes, you're right. We have to learn from our past to change the future. A future made without a past is likely to be wrought with mistakes, but when we see it and know it to be wrong, we are loathe to do them the same way again. _

**You will see it and know it is wrong, and it will not be the same again.** A tinge of anger seeped through their link.  **Don't you dare give up after all you have done for this. I will not be tempted by what you have told me to only have it taken away. You have lured me into this with the promise of freedom and I intend to do whatever it takes to be free.**

_I know. It's so hard to work against what I have grown so used to, it will take some time._

**Just know that if you give up, you and your friends won't be the only ones harmed by your selfishness.**

_Selfishness?_ As he thought of it, it made sense.  _I am being selfish, aren't I? I thought I was doing this for them, but I am doing it to them. Where do I draw the line? How do I know what to do and what not to do?_

**You and Cloud are alike in that. You each must find your own answers to your questions, but maybe there is a similarity. Will you run just as he has?**

_No, I can't do that. Running would be abandoning my responsibility again, letting fate be what it will without accounting for my role in the situation. I did that once, and nothing good came of it. If I had been there, if I had seen it with my own eyes as it came about, maybe I could have done more, but hindsight isn't going to do any good now._

**Good. Now follow your words and stop being hypocritical. Go and do what you say you must do.**

_ Yes, I am being a hypocrite, I can see it now. I can't take this anymore. _ Taking his jacket off the chair he had tossed it on, he headed out the door, taking the stairs two at a time as he went down, ignoring the biting wind.

**What are you doing now?**

_Going to find some answers instead of asking questions._

He chuckled deeply.  ** Now you are thinking clearly. **

 

* * *

Late into the night and very early morning, the light in Shera's lab stayed on, burning beyond the midnight oil as she struggled with one of the crystal shards she was prodding at. The thing had shown all sorts of curious reactions to all the different things she tried using with it, and despite her fatigue she was hooked on learning everything about it. It wasn't often that she got to study something so immensely intriguing and her curiosity got the better of her.

“Damn it, Shera! Aren't you ever gonna go to sleep? That light's keeping me awake!” Cid leaned against the door frame, blinking as the bright light hit his eyes. He groaned as soon as he saw what she was up to. “That again? Can't you give it a rest for the night? You've been at it all day!”

She tore herself away from the table, rubbing at her bloodshot eyes. “I'm sorry, I think I'm on the verge of something though. If the light is bothering you, I can shut the door.”

“You can go to bed, that's what! You've been yawning during the day for the past week, it's driving me nuts! Come on and get some rest!”

“I don't know why I've been so tired, I probably just have too much work. I'll come up in a few minutes.”

“You always have too much work! Ah whatever, I know better than to mess with this nonsense. You've got ten minutes! If I don't see your ass up there in ten minutes, I'm coming down and dragging you up, and you damn well know I will!”

She knew it was true. He had done so several times before. “I know, I know, I will. This last one won't take me long. Go ahead, I'll be up soon.” Turning back to the table as soon as he left, she stared at the problematic experiment with a heavy sigh. It was true that in the past week she had been abnormally tired, so she knew for sure she would only take a few minutes on this last trial.

On a hunch, she had set up a few things to try to conduct a current through crystal fragments. As expected, a few of them shattered under too high of a current, though not as violently as a larger shard. With the smaller scale she was able to conduct otherwise dangerous trials. “Now the trick is to figure out how much it can take before it reaches the breaking point. It seems every time I test it, it's different, like each piece has a different breaking point. That's why it was so hard to test it.”

She hooked up the wires but this time, instead of starting off with a medium current, she started off very low, acclimating the crystal to the slight increase. It hummed like before, shaking softly, but it took the lower voltage much easier as she slowly increased it. “Strange, almost like it's alive. Maybe in a way it is, having been formed by the lifestream.” As soon as it shook a bit harder, she steadied the low current, watching as it held its state. Waiting required so much patience, but she was determined to see if the length of time under stress had any effect on the crystal. It took a few minutes, but eventually the crystal cracked without shattering.

“Ah, this is going to be very hard to replicate magically. It would require so much focus and concentration to hold such a low current steady for this long.” She still watched optimistically as it cracked further, pieces falling off as it came apart almost as if unraveling. Finally, the last bit fell off, several fragments all that was left. “Hah! I knew it! I'm a genius!” Flinging back her chair as she rose to her feet with excitement, the rim of the chair hit a back table, sending a shower of powdery low-grade explosives flying straight for the super-heated crystals, the loud if fairly harmless explosion making the windows shake.

“Goddamn it Shera, there's never a dull moment with you around! Now stop being a damn genius and get your ass to bed! You're getting' sleep if I have to make ya!”

“I'm coming, hold your horses!” Taking advantage of the time he would need to react to her uncharacteristic comeback, she quickly brushed up the mess and put away a few things, locking up her lab and finally coming up to get some very needed rest. As soon as she was dressed and in bed, Cid reluctantly half-turned to glance at her.

“So what the hell did you just have to do at one in the goddamn morning that couldn't wait until sane people were awake?”

Enjoying her rare triumphant moment, she yawned loudly. “I'll tell you tomorrow.”

Torn between curiosity and letting it all slide in favor of sleep, Cid grumbled as he rolled back over into the comfort of his pillow. “Damn you know how to keep a guy in suspense.”

 

* * *

It was only a bit after noon and already Barret felt like he had a full day. The complicated drill he had been working on, piled on top of everything else he was doing, was eating away at his energy. No matter what he tried, he couldn't get the drill to the point of coping with the stress of drilling into the tough crystal. A few had been close, but they wasted so much energy that they would be impossible to run for any length of time without being hooked to an external power source. To top it all off, Denzel and Marlene had thought it would be a fine day to tag-team trying to get him to take them to the Gold Saucer.

“Please, Daddy?” Marlene gave him her best pout yet. “Just for a little while?”

“Marlene, you know I gotta get this drill done, and I'm nowhere close to even figuring the thing out! I've got a huge mess on my hands and I gotta fix it!”

“If you're not even close then what's the difference a couple hours is going to do?”

He had to hand it to her, she was a smart cookie. “It could do a lot for all I know! Maybe it's all I need to figure something out and get this working. I've just got too much work to do to take you.”

Denzel decided then to pipe in with wisdom only a kid could get away with. “You've been standing there staring at it for the last half hour, that's not getting much done! Besides, it's not like we have to pay to get in, we get to go for free since we saved the world and stuff.”

“Come on,” Marlene pleaded. “We hardly get to come see you as it is, can't we do something fun?”

With a suffering groan, Barret figured he may as well bend with the force of two sets of pleading eyes. It wasn't like he was really making that much progress here anyway. Maybe he could use a break, even if it was in that loud, obnoxious Gold Saucer. “Fine, fine, but just a couple hours a'right? After that you gotta leave me to my work, you hear?”

“Yes sir!” Both kids scrambled to the door as Barret followed, grumbling under his breath how they would be the death of him someday. Not that he had anything against the Gold Saucer, other than it being a waste of time and money. Before Corel was revived, it was all that brought people through and generated some business for them to sell a few things here and there. Still, it brought back a few bad memories, and he couldn't help but think about the fatal rampage Dyne had gone on during the group's coincidental stay. He himself had been removed of all suspicion after the truth was found, and the blood had long since been cleaned up, but something like that tended to stick in the mind.

After wrapping up what he could with his work and making sure the other workers weren't going to stop just because he was taking a break, he followed at a disgruntled pace as the kids raced on ahead. Now that he thought of it, he had never taken Marlene here. She really needed to do more things that children do, he admitted to himself. Sometimes she was so smart that he often forgot she was still just a child and still needed things that he had long since grown out of. Denzel was about the same, but when they got on the ropeway they both bounced excitedly in their seats like any other kid on the tram.

The Gold Saucer had changed a lot since he was last here. Small vendors took up the main entry, selling snacks and souvenirs. A new racing track was added to the chocobo races, intended to challenge the best of the best in new and exciting obstacles. The arcade had a few new games and the wonder square boasted several new prizes, but it was still the same Gold Saucer he remembered. After caving in to letting all of them watch the play in the event square, riding the gondola and slipping them some gil to play a few games, one place left was the battle square.

Denzel charged towards the battle square, mock fighting an invisible opponent. “It would be so cool to go down there and compete! I'd grab a sword and smash 'em just like Cloud!”

Barret coughed nervously, avoiding any talk about Cloud. “Hey, you know this old man here has done quite a bit of fighting too! How 'bout I go down there and you jes' watch me clean the place out! I'll win you kids a nice prize!”

“Yeah, do it!”

“You can do it Daddy!”

He chuckled at their enthusiasm. “You know, I bet I can! Cheer for me, would ya?” As one of the group that had, in Denzel's words, saved the world and stuff, he was given free entry even to the battle square to come and train whenever he wanted. Until now he had never used that privilege but it felt good to stretch his legs again. The first few battles were easy enough, but he had always had trouble when it came to the handicap slots at the end of each round. His trusty Missing Score rarely let him down, though, and he made it through a few more rounds. At the end of this last round, though, he hit a slot that made him groan. His materia would be broken and that meant very little power could go through the Missing Score. _Ah that figures, jes' when I need it to do what it's gotta do I got nothing to give it any power! Wait... that's it! Materia! I bet I can use some of this damn materia to make that blasted drill work!_

“Come on! Don't let it beat you!” Marlene waved, cheering her loudest.

_It very well might, I'm about at the end of my limit!_ He'd be damned if he let some stupid ghost ship take him down, though, and with one last attack he unleashed his Ungarmax limit break, firing multiple shots at the offending ship. It was just enough, and the illusory ship disappeared as the battle sensors registered the damage. Wiping the sweat from his brow, he sighed with relief. “Glad that's over.”

“Well done, Barret! Good to see you still have it in you!” From the spectators stage, the owner and manager of the Gold Saucer, Dio, gave him a quick bit of applause.

Barret laughed wearily, going out into the main area to give the man a tough handshake. “You still have one heck of a setup in here, Dio! A guy could really get messed up if it was all real!”

“There are malfunctions now and then, but nothing that would harm anyone. Well, I suppose you want a prize for all of that hard work, and we have quite a bit to choose from. Business has been very good since I allowed vendors to rent space within the property, I'm thinking of expanding even more and creating a new section. I'm just not sure what, though.”

“Dunno either, but you do whatever you gotta do. The kids here are itchin' for some goodies I think.”

He chuckled, looking down at each of them. “Well have at it! Why don't you each pick one thing you like the most?”

When the kids were occupied with squabbling over at the prize booth, Barret figured he may as well see if Dio could answer his question. “Say, d'you know anything 'bout enhancing machines with materia? You ever use anything like that?”

The man thought for a moment, crossing his arms. “Not in detail, no. It's true that for a while we used certain types of materia in our machinery, but as technology gets better, we need less of that around. I got most of the machines already made and set up, the rest were done by workers trained in it. I've had my fair share of tinkering with things when they weren't working but I don't know how to do it.” He cast his friend a casual glance. “What did you need it for?”

Barret laughed that off easily. “Ah y'know me, always blowin' up the mountainside. Lemme guess, you got it all from Shinra?”

“Pretty much. A few things came from Wutai, and a couple from Rocket Town or shipped through Costa Del Sol from Junon, but most of it came from Midgar. You might have a hard time finding something like that now, except maybe in Wutai.”

“Yeah, I figured. Thanks anyway. Hey, you two! Pick something and let's go!” Now that he had exhausted everything he cared to do here, his patience was about shot. He was finally coming up with new ideas and wasn't the type to be idle for long. Fortunately the children had picked their prizes already and though they were loathe to leave, they knew it had to be over eventually and they came along without much protest. Once they were home and he could concentrate, though, he came upon a new set of problems to puzzle over.

Staring for a moment at the drill he had been trying to build, he quickly saw the complications he would face in trying to make it amplified by materia, the greatest problem being that he had no idea how to even go about such a thing. Materia enhancements were usually reserved for armor or weapons, not working machinery and certainly not on something as ordinary as a small drill. He would have to find someone who had working knowledge of how materia was used on machinery. Cid might know, or maybe even Shera or Reeve might at least know who to try, so he wasn't entirely out of options in finding someone to make it work.

The second problem was what materia to use and where to find it. As more materia was phased out in favor of other things, it fell more and more out of use and became harder to find. Though he knew quite a bit about using materia on his weapons, he didn't have enough knowledge or skill to find what he was looking for. If he didn't know what he was looking for, he wasn't even sure where to go or what to do. What it pretty much boiled down to was that he needed a materia expert. He knew what that meant, and just the thought left a somewhat sour taste in his mouth. He had to do it. It was all he could think of. Taking out his phone, scrolling all the way down on his contact list, his thumb hovered in hesitation before he made that call. Oh, why did it have to be Yuffie?

 


	9. Chapter 9

Letting Go Ch. 9

 

* * *

Though the floorboards creaked and his boots were heavy, Vincent walked as silently as ever down the aisle of the old church, pausing only when he spotted Cloud. The blond looked up at his entry but quickly turned away, glancing at the floor in thought. Neither of them were the talkative sort, but nobody could quite understand Cloud the way that Vincent could, and perhaps the understanding could be returned. Half of the church was still in disarray after being the scene of the fight between Tifa and Loz, but Vincent found a seat on an upended bench, a casual and yet too close to ignore distance from Cloud. For a long moment they only sat in silence, weighing the heaviness in the air between them, until finally Cloud spoke in a soft, aggrieved tone.

“Why are you here?”

Taking a moment to form a response, grateful for Cloud's wary patience, he finally said what he had just come to accept. “You asked me something once, whether sins could be forgiven. I said I never tried. Now, though... I'm finally trying.” He glanced up slightly, noting Cloud's quiet but attentive posture. “All along I thought I was doing what I should, keeping myself away from others to keep from hurting them, but in the end it was my absence that hurt them the most. I realize now that I was very far away from honoring what someone sacrificed to give me. Sins can be forgiven, but we have to allow it.”

Cloud finally met his gaze, curiosity filtering through his blank expression. “Can they really be, though? How do we know when we've done enough?”

“That's just it. We already have. Those we have let down have already forgiven us. Those caught in the middle of our battles have been atoned for by our continuing work. I can finally see the end of this long repentance I needlessly went through. I just didn't understand that I was already long since done.”

“What made you think of this?”

He sat back, going over how to word his conclusions. “It was many things, I suppose.” Risking a look to gauge Cloud's reaction, he continued. “I'll admit that Tifa was part of it, and so were you. Then I realized that there was Cid, and Nanaki, and everyone else we knew.” Nodding mostly to himself, he admitted something he had never truly admitted to anyone. “Chaos had a large part in it too. He made me realize that I am not the only one affected by what I am doing. If I were to give up right now, I would be breaking more than I would fix. It may seem hard right now, but it is a far harder thing for me to know I would hurt my friends if I went back on my promises.”

As expected, Cloud winced at this. “I don't know how to do it. I only think of it later, after I do things, how I could have done better. I can't act quickly to something like this. I just can't grasp anything.”

“I know. Some of that is a continuation of mako poisoning. The long term effects hadn't been researched before it was used on so many people, we are only now finding out what can come of it. Maybe some of it has to do with Sephiroth.” When he noticed Cloud's steely glare, he knew he hit a nerve. “I understand, believe me. Out of anyone, I understand. I think, though, that this must be what friends are truly for. If your friends were in real trouble, I know you would help them, even if it didn't look like the best option for you. Wouldn't you?”

Cloud nodded. “I would.”

“Yet if they tried to do the same for you, you might shrink from it just as I have. Maybe you are more grateful than I have been. I know you have begun down that path I have only just seen. I haven't been grateful for what I have, not in the way I should be. I never feel as if I've done enough to make up for what I have done, what I didn't do, but in trying to do it all, I haven't really been doing anything. I'm frozen by my own inaction.”

Surprisingly, Cloud chuckled. “Is that why you always seemed so cold? You were just frozen by inaction?” He shook his head with an exasperated but releasing sigh. “It's funny, I think I get it. All this time, the things we've done haven't gone well, so we try not doing anything and then bad things happen again. It's hard, trying to find the right path through that forest, isn't it?”

Allowing a small smile, he nodded in memory of another forest that was easy to get lost in. “I wish I knew the way through, but sometimes you go in blindfolded.” His forehead fell into his palm as he huffed a short laugh at himself. “It just had to be the demon that shares my body that finally removed the ties to my bonds.”

Cloud frowned, nodding at something unclear. “That's why you're doing all of this, right? I heard you were looking for a way to get rid of Chaos.”

“Yes. Neither of us want to be like this, but every time I got close, I shrank away. Every time I felt myself reaching a conclusion I was afraid of, I ran from it. I was too comfortable with knowing nothing, feeling nothing, being nothing. I can't waste my life like that anymore. Not when so much is riding on what I can accomplish now. I can't change what I've done, but I can change what I do now.”

“I see.” He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, releasing his tension in the peaceful air. “I keep coming here, thinking I'm escaping, but I'm really trapping myself here, aren't I? Running, hiding, locking away.” With a weary huff, he suddenly rose to his feet. “I don't work like that, do I?” A small smirk crossed his face as he looked back at Vincent. “Zack didn't work like that either. I promised I would live the life he wanted for him, and he wouldn't want this. I don't either, I just have no idea where to start.”

“To start the future, we should close our pasts.” He nodded to himself. “I need to resolve where I am with my own situation. You should resolve where you are with Tifa.”

Cloud groaned loudly, though to his merit he no longer seemed stalled by his pain. “I really need to. I should have done this a long time ago. I didn't want to tell her, but we just never felt right. Something always felt off, I just had no idea what it was. No matter what I did, it felt wrong. I just hope it isn't too late.”

Vincent only shook his head. “You can't do it yesterday.”

Blinking, taken back by how very true that was, he suddenly found himself resolved. “Then I can do it now. Before I start doubting myself.” He turned to leave, but turned back for a brief moment. “I... thank you.” Not waiting for a reply in the awkward silence that followed, he left this place that had been both sanctuary and prison, leaving it for the thin but glowing hope of the world outside. At long last, he knew what to do.

Once Cloud left, Vincent sighed to himself, taking in the calm feeling of the still air. Smiling a small but real smile, he looked out at the exposed sky. “So, Lucrecia... where do we stand?”

 

* * *

Tifa bent with vigorous industry over a particularly stubborn stain on a table, scrubbing it out ruthlessly. Denzel and Marlene had come back from Corel, full of stories and a couple prizes, excited to be home and back in a routine but glad to have gone to see Barret. Once the initial excitement was over, she returned to her work, balancing taking them to the new school, running the bar, and the sometimes chaotic schedule she enjoyed so much. During the day was oddly a strange time to expect visitors, though, so she was a bit thrown off when someone knocked on the door. “The bar is closed for cleaning right now.” she shouted over music piped through her small but loud stereo. “We will open again at four!” The knock was persistent, though, and she went to answer it with a touch of irritation. “Can I help... oh.” Right there in front of her was Cloud, someone she didn't particularly want to see. “What do you need?”

He had the grace to duck his head apologetically. “I only wanted to talk.”

“There's nothing to talk about.” Before she could shut the door, he stopped her with a gentle but firm hand on the door.

“Yes, there is.” He noted her somewhat startled reaction to his resolve. “I know you don't want to see me, maybe not ever again, and I'd understand that. You don't have to say anything, just listen please.”

“I'm done listening to you! I'm tired of you breaking apart what little I have! Do you have any idea what you did? I can take the break, Cloud, but those children can't handle that, not so young. Without a stable home, they'll end up growing up just like you!” Her breath hitched as she realized what she had just said, and by the wince on his face, it struck hard. When she moved to apologize, though, he stopped her with a look.

“No, don't be sorry, you're right. You were always right, I just never listened. I heard you, but I never listened. If Sephiroth wasn't in my brain, my own doubts were. They were so loud I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't even hear what was right in my face.”

She sighed, exasperated. Though she seemed at least a little receptive, she was still clearly hurt. “Even now? After all this time?” She shook her head at his regretful nod. “I thought that was all gone.”

“I thought it was too, but when I heard about what everyone was doing in the Crystal Cave, it made sense. There is still a piece of Jenova left in the world, and even locked away as it is, it still affects me. All we got rid of was the geostigma, the cells running rampant through the lifestream. It's not gone completely.”

“I get it, but you can't use that as a crutch forever. It doesn't excuse what you've been doing. You could have been honest with me, you could have told me this had been going on and I would have tried to understand that and help you.”

“I know. I didn't realize until now what I was doing. I just had to have it beat into my head to finally see it. It isn't enough to apologize, and I can't take it back, but whatever I have to do now to make it right, I can't do it yesterday. I can only do it right now.”

“I hope you can, then.” She finally shot him a small smile. “You can't do it yesterday? Was that what someone said to you? Who beat that one into your head?”

“Someone who also has their own demons to fight.” He sighed, feeling the loosening of his tension finally relieving his conscience. “I want to be there when they release the last of Jenova. I don't know how it's going to work, but I'd like to help.”

“I do too, somehow. I'm not sure what will happen either.” Glancing at the clock, she noticed it was about time to open for the evening. “I don't want to rush you...”

He shook his head. “No, I'm alright. For once, I'll be alright. I'll keep my phone on.” Smirking slightly, he slowly backed away out the door. “That's one promise you can be sure I'll keep now. Just let me know when you want my help.”

“You just be sure to let us do the same now and then!” She waved as she saw him off, closing the door with a sense of lightness she had not had for a long time while being around him. Something about his determination, the clearness of his eyes, the strength of his voice, all of it made her want to finally believe him. Her instinct was to avoid that trust, but time would tell if he would do what he said he would do. Once she returned to the stained table, scrubbing with renewed vigor, something he mentioned stayed in her head. “Someone else who had their own demons to fight?” Grinning to herself, she had a perfectly good idea who it was. “I'm glad you could understand him enough to know what to say, I know I sure don't.”

 

* * *

Night had settled well over Edge when Vincent heard his phone ringing loudly in the silent evening. Checking the display, he saw that it was Cid calling. When he answered it, though, he heard Shera's triumphant voice. “I have some great news! I've been trying just about everything I know on these crystals, but I think I found something that might just work! I used electrical voltage on a small scale on the samples you gave me, and so far I've had some promising results!”

Cid's voice easily carried from wherever he was in the house, loud and clear over the line. “Yeah, results promising me some sleepless nights and structural damage!”

“Oh hush! Really though, I think I'm on to something. The only problem is that it has to start at a very low power and slowly increase to a low but steady state. I'm not sure how you are with lightning magic, but it will take a lot of control to keep it steady.”

“It's alright,” Vincent replied. “I can manage a small amount for a fair length of time. Nanaki might be able to as well with some practice. I'll admit we have focused so much on outputting as much magic as possible that restraining it will take some relearning.”

“I might be able to set something up with batteries, but it would still be better to use magic since you will have a better feel for what a crystal's breaking point is. It's so strange, each crystal you brought behaves differently and breaks at a different point, but it should be fairly clear at which point the magic is too strong. I noticed that when it nears the breaking point, it starts to glow a bit green. It's not bright and I observed it in the dark, but in a dark cave it should appear well enough.”

“I can't thank you enough for all you have done to help, Shera. I only wish I knew what I could do to help you.”

“Are you joking? If I can keep these fragments, I can make all kinds of tools for myself! I can't wait to see all of the things I can do with them!”

He huffed lightly at her enthusiasm, shaking his head. “If they can be of use to you, then you can certainly have them. Do you think we will be able to manage a large scale test?”

“I don't see why not, as long as we take it slowly. If you still have some All materia, it should help with controlling the lightning magic also.”

“I believe I still have one or two. Any news from Barret on the drill idea?”

“He did give me a call earlier yesterday. I would have called you but it was still late where you are. Oh! It's late again now, isn't it? I'm sorry!”

“It's alright, Shera, you can call me at any time. What did he say?” Despite his regular caution, he couldn't help but feel a bit anxious.

“Right, anyway, he had been having problems making the drill strong enough to withstand the force of drilling through something so tough. He mentioned that he was going to look into making a materia enhanced machine, something I honestly don't know a whole lot about. I'll keep him informed on what I do know, but do you know anything about them?”

“When I first heard about them, it was a long time ago. I don't think what I know is relevant anymore.”

“Oh, that's right... Well, I think he said he was going to call Yuffie about it anyway, if it's about materia, she will have an answer for him! I'll keep you posted on what happens, alright?”

He smiled slightly to himself. “Alright, thank you again. I'm very glad to have your help.” Once they said their goodbyes, he thought for a moment over what she had mentioned. “Yuffie and materia again... As long as she doesn't get it illegally, it should be fine.” Gritting his teeth against the inevitability of something like that happening, he silently wished Barret good luck. He would need it.

 

* * *

Right now, Barret could think of a hundred things he'd rather be doing than handling baby chocobos, yet here he was, three balls of fluff in each hand, trying not to drop them as he transported them to a small, warm nest. This stable in Wutai was currently in complete chaos, shuffling around young, active and very very fast chocobo babies, trying to corral them all as their charges discovered their adventurous sides. Yuffie was among the running people and the moment Barret arrived, he was pressed into service.

“Here's another, be careful with him!” Yuffie handed him a small blue chocobo youngster, long legs kicking about as he warked happily. The blue's strong legs kicked Barret hard in the gut and he buckled as he struggled against the oblivious bird.

“Hey Yuffie! Mind tellin' me what's goin' on already?”

“Here's the green female, make sure she goes next to the blue male! I finally got them bred up just right!” She yanked over the green female chocobo, just as vigorous as all the other youngsters fighting for running space, handing her over to his barely ready grip.

“I get what yer doin' but why are there so goddamn many?”

“I couldn't remember what we did before to get the gold ones- hey not so hard! There, anyway, I couldn't remember the right combination to get the green ones and blue ones so I figured hey, more chocobo pairs, more chances to get the right one!”

Grabbing an errant chocobo trying to run past him, he wrestled with it as he looked at her incredulously. “How in the hell couldn't you remember that? All we did was get two great ones from down in Mideel! Even I remember that one!”

“Oh come on! What are you even here for, anyway?”

“I was gettin' to that! Yeah so I've been working on this machine and I can't get it to run the way I want. I figure I could use some materia for it but I dunno what kind to use or where to get any anymore. You suppose you have somethin' I could use to power a big drill? Ah damn it, there goes another one!” He caught another chocobo by the feet, wrestling it down and returning it to a secure stall. “How many are there anyway?”

“I'm not really sure.” She watched helplessly as an average chocobo flew the coop almost literally. “Well that's one gone. That one didn't work anyway. So about that materia...” Suddenly her eyes glinted with both malice and glee. “I bet I have something that might work, but you have to do something for me.”

The look he shot her was on the verge of vexation. “I'm already helping ya with these damn birds!”

“Fine, fine. I'll tell you how to hook it up to your drill for free, but the materia has a price!” In the brief lull now that most of the chocobos were accounted for, she put her hands on her hips and faced him squarely. “I'll have you know I'm breeding these up for the good of Wutai! If you want my help I need yours!”

“Ah whatever! What do you want for the materia?”

“First of all I want to make sure I'm doing this right. I use the blue one and the green one to make a black one, right? Is it the same nut? What am I doing next? Also what were those really good greens we used and those nuts from the goblin things?”

He groaned, getting out a scrap of paper. “I'm gonna write it down so you don't ever forget again! You gotta have carob nuts for the black one and zeio nuts to make a gold one. You know where the wonderful chocobos are?” When she shook her head, he groaned more. “Goddamn it Yuffie, why'd you take this on when you don't know anythin'?”

“Hey! If I can raise gold chocobos, think how much money I could rake in from lending them out to tourists and travelers!” Her mood suddenly grew frustrated and a bit saddened. “Look at this place. Wutai used to be so different, and before it became a resort town, we could barely support ourselves once everything started changing. I have to do something.”

Taking a glance around at the old fashioned buildings and layouts, he could see her point. In spite of all the changes, Wutai hadn't changed enough. “Yeah, I get it. Well, you just keep this paper and tell me what you need for that materia. I'll go get it for you.”

She took a good look at his list. “I think I have the nuts I need, but I don't have Sylkis greens. Yeah, if you could bring me a bunch of those you can have your materia, promise! No funny stuff!”

He eyed her warily. “You better not, after that long damn train ride and the plane over here!”

“I swear! I'll even tell you about it, it's the stuff they used to use to power the big land barges, the big green ones.”

“How'd you get one of... no, don't tell me, I don't wanna know.” Heaving a heavy sigh, he scooped up one last chocobo runaway before preparing to leave. “I'll get ya some greens from the old sage, you jus' keep doin' whatever you're doin' and I'll call Cid over. Don't wanna hitch a train all the damn way to the north country just for some damn greens.”

“Ack!” She shoved against a gate that was about ready to break as a young chocobo bashed against it. “While you're out there, get me some tranquilizers or something! These brutes are about ready to tear the place apart!”

He only shook his head. “Damn I'll be glad to get outta here.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

Letting Go Ch. 10

 

* * *

Before anyone realized it, winter was finally in full swing. Snow coated most surfaces and people of all ages were out enjoying the cold but fresh air. It was a big day for most people in Edge, where everyone celebrated the peace and harmony that until now had been hard to come by. Every year was, of course, just as special, but since Meteor, everyone had learned to count their blessings more than just once a year. As white snowflakes drifted lazily in the calm air, everyone went about their business with a smile, running from place to place as the clock ticked steadily onward.

This day just happened to be grocery day. Ever mindful of his elderly neighbor, especially on cold, slippery days like this, Vincent made his scheduled trip to the nearby store. There wasn't quite as much to be had during the depths of winter, but the usual staples were easy enough. As he was about ready to pay for it all with the money given to him, he noticed a stand of peaches, something out of place this time of year. Though they were getting almost a bit too ripe, they looked perfect to eat. The price was typical for this late, but he picked out a few likely ones to add to his bundle. _Ah, she would never be able to afford them right now, but this would be a decent gift._

Ever so subtly, he knew he was making small changes in how he thought about things. All he had done lately was volunteer for extra jobs around town and think of a gift for his neighbor, but it was these small things he caught himself doing that made him realize that he might actually be making progress instead of just getting by. He was slowly acclimating himself to society again.  _I never really stopped long to think about how much things have changed since my time, but now that I'm looking for it, the changes are there. Some things I like, some things I don't, but I can see them._

**Things have changed very much indeed. The world was once a very different place.**

Vincent paused, trying to understand what he meant.  _ Were you there when the world was made? _

**Not quite. I was not aware of anything until after sentient beings had come to the planet. But I remember the Ancients, who were so connected with the lifestream that I could hear them.**

He was a bit taken back by the gravity of this admission.  _ You knew them? _

**Yes. Sometimes their voices would find me when I became too angered with the world, and I could hear them speaking to me in the pulse of the lifestream. One day, I no longer heard them.**

_ That was when Jenova came. _ He had no further time to think about this new information as his turn to check out came. Once he was out on the street and walking back, though, he thought about it again.  _ What is Jenova anyway? _

He could feel the demon twisting about, trying to come up with an explanation.  ** It is... a pathogen. Disease that goes from one person to another, only it comes to one planet after another. It comes, consumes all life, and leaves. **

_What purpose does that serve? Why does it do that?_

**It was born only to destroy, though it did not have as much reason as to why as I do. It is much like a human illness, it goes in, propagates itself, spreads, and if the host dies, it dies.**

_Jenova was much more than a flu, though. It was intelligent, finding hosts through deceit and invasion._

**In the end, it was an infection that needed to be burned out. It is the infection, and I am the plague.**

_ If after this you want to continue being an unfeeling, indiscriminate plague, I cannot stop you. _ After this, he was done trying to change the beast's mind. In all realistic means, he would be nothing facing against Chaos in his full power anyway.

**I must do my duty. It is why I am here.**

Suddenly, he thought of something strangely profound for simply walking down the street, carrying groceries on an ordinary day.  _ We spend so much time trying to find a purpose, we stop living with purpose. We are so caught up with the idea of having a purpose, having a reason, maybe we need to live with reason instead of trying to seek reason. _

The demon's confusion easily seeped over their link.  ** What nonsense are you talking about? **

_Your purpose doesn't have to be who you are. Sometimes you have to be your purpose rather than require a purpose. I never knew what my purpose was, the very idea of it made me obsessed. I asked myself too often why I was here. Maybe I should have asked myself why not, instead. Maybe I should have said yes, I don't know why I'm here, but here I am._

**You are too cryptic for me.**

_Purpose doesn't have to define us, sometimes we define purpose. A mother's purpose may be to care for her children, but she has to live with purpose if she is to be a good parent. Maybe I don't have a purpose, but I can make one for myself if I don't have one. Maybe I can choose a different purpose if I don't like the one I have. Maybe you can too._

To him, Chaos seemed somewhat subdued.  ** There is no choice. Should the time come, I will be compelled into what I must do. **

_What if it doesn't? What of your purpose then?_

**If it doesn't happen, I will remain until it does.**

_You will be free, though, if I separate from you. No longer imprisoned in the crystal._

**Out of respect for what you have done, if it should come to pass, I can willingly return myself into hibernation. It is all I can do.**

Vincent almost froze where he stood, startled by this concession.  _ You would really do that? _

From deep within, Chaos chuckled darkly.  ** It will be done, but should the world become corrupt and tainted again, I can keep no further promises. From there, it will be your choice how the world goes on. **

_Then we will do better. The whole world has seen what can happen if we let ourselves slip. It would be a very long time, if ever, before the world forgot that._

**Only in time will it be certain. Perhaps you will do it, perhaps you won't. Don't try to rub your optimism into me so much.**

Vincent withdrew from the mental contact, shaking his head. Though it  _ was _ still too early to be so optimistic, he felt better about the outlook of things than he had in many years. Could he really help it if he was allowing himself to feel encouraged? As he walked along, he felt his phone buzz as a text came in. Grateful he had finally learned how to make it simply vibrate, he flipped the top to see what was written. “Thought so. The party is at the bar. I wonder what a white chocobo gift is supposed to be?” He recalled mentions of the party game in the echoes of his past memories, but he didn't know anything about it. Maybe it was something in particular?

Ice creaked on the metal stairs of the apartment complex as he carefully winded his way up, mindful of the slick snow overlaying the heavy ice. He made it there right at the same time he always did, knocking on his neighbor's door quietly. Honestly, he didn't know why he never thought to knock louder, the poor woman could barely hear people talking in her face, yet somehow she always opened the door when he knocked. As she opened the door widely, she greeted him with her usual smile. “Well there he is! Come on in, young man!”

Young man, hah! For all he knew, he had known her back in those old days. He offered his usual declining head-shake. “I'm alright, thank you.” Handing her the groceries, he absently remembered the extra sack. Giving that to her as well, he smiled slightly. “And these are for you. It's a fine time of year to have such a treat.”

“Oh my gracious, what a kind one you are! I do love good peaches, indeed I do! Please, come in, come in! There must be something I can get you, it is that season after all!”

He held back a chuckle at her excitement, actually pondering coming in for once. Maybe just this one time wouldn't hurt. “I... suppose I have a minute.” Feeling silly at his nervousness, he slowly edged his way into her apartment, reassured by the tame furnishings and scenic paintings on the walls. Well what did he expect, anyway?

“Go on, have a seat! I won't bite! I'll make us some tea.” She grinned, half her teeth missing but the ones intact still in good shape. “Why I don't think you have ever had a minute to visit this poor old woman. This must be a slow day indeed. Now what would you like? A nice slice of spice cake, maybe?”

“I don't want to impose...”

“Bah! I haven't had this much excitement in ages! Give it a try, won't you?”

This time he did allow himself a chuckle. “Alright.”

“Now that's much better.” After a moment, she returned with tea and a slice of spice cake, both on old blue and white china served on a fancy looking silver serving platter. Ancient wedding gifts, no doubt, still cared for after so many years. She took her own tea, settling down slowly into the worn but clean couch. “You look so full of questions, my boy! You don't need to stuff them into corners, out with it!”

His brow quirked, amused that she could read him, of all people. “I suppose there is a small thing I wanted to ask someone, perhaps you know. What would be customary to give as a white chocobo gift? I have never been... invited to bring such a thing to a group.”

The old woman laughed a nearly cackling sort of laugh. “Oh, I remember some of those parties, they were quite fun, but of course it was long ago. I doubt the rules have changed much, though! No, I think not. It is nothing to take seriously, you usually bring something of little to no value. You see that terrible looking basket over there?” She pointed at what was indeed a very sad looking old wicker basket. “That would be an example. Just any old thing nobody would want.”

“How strange,” he mumbled to himself.

“You could go around town and pick up a rock if you want, it doesn't matter. You'll find something.”

“Thank you.” He ate his cake quietly, just listening to her talk about parties back in the day and how some of the games worked, some of which he had missed out on during his thirty year sleep. Normally he wouldn't have bothered with this, but some of the things she said that bridged the gap he knew so little about was oddly comforting to hear. As he grew more comfortable, he glanced around at the furnishings, the walls, the decorations, just taking it in, when he saw a picture on a far table that looked oddly familiar. The young woman in the group looked strangely similar to Elena. “Who is that in the portrait?”

Her gaze followed his pointed finger, looking at the picture hazily. Bringing the photo closer to her face, she nodded as she put it back. “Ah yes, my granddaughter, as well as her sister and others from the family. She has a nice job working as a secretary for the government.”

Taking a heavy drink of tea to keep himself from scoffing at that, he mused quietly to himself. _Funny that Elena was allowed to even keep family. I guess her lie worked well enough to protect them. Nice, one, Elena. Secretary for the government._ After composing himself, he tried to think of something ordinary to say. What a small world this was. “That sounds like a good job to have.” Nice one. “Thank you, this has been...” Strange? “...a pleasure. I'll come again when you get your next list together.”

“Yes, always needing things, but what can you do? Can't stop needing things any more than you can stop breathing, that's for sure.” Getting up slowly, she rose to see him out. “Why don't you take that icky old basket with you for your party? I keep meaning to get rid of it but I forget now and then, you know. It's really such an eyesore.”

He really did appreciate her no-nonsense attitude, sometimes reminding him of Cid—albeit without all of the cursing. “Well, if it's alright, I suppose I could.”

“Yes, yes, please take it. Go have fun giving that terrible thing at your party, you need to go have some fun. Always so quiet but always so full of questions. Young people always are. Don't worry so much, young man. You would be surprised how many worries end up not mattering in the end.” Handing him the old wicker basket, its white paint all but peeled off, she stared at him knowingly. “Yes, don't worry so much, you look like you haven't slept in years! Think more about what matters, and forget about what doesn't. This old lady knows that all too well! Too much worrying, that's what I did!”

“I will be sure to keep that in mind.” Suddenly, he was overcome with how stupidly selfish he had really been. Here was someone who had lived a whole lifetime of so many worries, someone who could never have a second chance like he had. Such a long time he spent in that old mansion, thirty years of loathing, self pity and inaction. Thirty years of being useless. If his old neighbor could find peace, even in the twilight of her life, he owed it to himself and others to do the best he possibly could now.

“Good. Can't try being old when you're still young! Go on, now, go wrap that up for your party. Put something awful in it!” She gave him one last grin. “Yes, something awful, maybe heavy, make them think it is something good.”

As he left and walked next door, nodding his thanks, he thought that would be a good idea indeed. What would be something undesirable to put in here? Hero drinks? Potions? No, those were still useful. What would Cid do? Taking a plastic sack from his stash, he went out towards Midgar. He was going rock collecting.

 

* * *

Tifa was in a good mood, preparing the bar for the party that afternoon. On the holidays, she would still open the bar at night, but customers during the day were few enough to have little guilt in closing down until ten. It was strange how good she felt after getting a call from Cloud saying that he wasn't coming to the party. Reeve couldn't make it either, leaving his pile of presents anyway, but Cloud's dismissal had come as strangely less of a surprise. He had understandingly just wanted some space for a while, but he had been completely forward in telling her his intentions. Maybe it was just finally having complete honesty from him. Even though he wasn't coming, he at least told her so and didn't make empty promises. _It's a start. I know you can do this if you put your mind to it._

Each little present she had found for everyone was stacked in a row on top of the long bar area, ready and waiting as she swept dust out the back door. Predictable Shera arrived early, dragging along everyone that had been gathered on the airship with her, all of them looking a bit put off at being here so early. Even Nanaki looked a little hesitant, though he walked up to her so she could retrieve his gifts from the pack on his back. Vincent arrived shortly after, also surprised at being the last to arrive, but he added his own gifts to the long line, leaving out the biggest one of all. Tifa glanced at him curiously.

“What's that one for?”

He put the heavy thing down on the ground, wishing he hadn't put quite so much in there. “It is for the white chocobo gift.”

From the back, Yuffie prodded Barret with her elbow. “Hehe, bet he doesn't know what a white chocobo gift is! He probably got something good!”

Barret looked down at her with a grimace. “I don't ever wanna hear the word chocobo outta you again.”

Flicking off last traces of dust, Tifa approached it uneasily, looking up at him. “I hope you didn't get something expensive, Vincent. Didn't you know what a white chocobo party was?”

Vincent affected an oblivious look. “Before today, I hadn't heard of such a thing.” Well, it wasn't a complete lie. “I'm sure my gift will be suitable anyway.”

As everyone filed out for the rest of the setup, Yuffie approached him, whispering excitedly. “So what did ya get, huh? Something good? You can tell me, did you get something fancy?”

He eyed her levelly, deciding then and there that she would be his victim. “It was nothing unreasonable. After getting paid for my long service in Shinra, something like that is a negligible expense.”

Her eyes glittered with poorly hidden joy and greed. “I'll do my best to try and win it!”

“Good luck, then. I'm not sure how the game works, but I will play as best as I can.”

“Yeah, no problem, we'll help you play! Come on, I think everyone is about ready.” Just then, Denzel and Marlene came back from their school, running in and laughing as they went upstairs to bring down their presents. Once everyone was settled, Tifa gathered them all in a circle on the floor.

“Alright everyone, calm down, we have to go over the rules.” She ignored the loud boo from Yuffie. “We'll roll dice to determine turns and whoever rolls doubles goes first. If two people roll doubles, the highest number goes first. From there, whoever hasn't gone will keep trying for a turn. Once everyone has picked a present, you can then duel someone if you didn't get what you want.”

Vincent's brows rose at this strange variation. “Duel someone?”

“Well, rock paper scissors. Not a real duel, of course! If you want to roll dice against someone instead of that, I guess we can do that too. The point of this game is just to have fun.”

“How do we decide who rolls first to determine turns?”

“Hmm...” She shrugged. “I guess you can go since it's your first time playing, and then we can just go around the circle. Have fun, everyone, and no real fighting this time.” Her eyes settled specifically on Cid.

The blond waved his arms defensively. “Ah come on, you know it was all for fun!”

“Whatever, Cid! Here, let's start now.” She handed Vincent the cup with the two dice, everyone taking a turn to roll. Vincent got a pair of twos and Shera a pair of fives, so Shera picked a gift from the pile first. He took what he remembered to be Nanaki's gift, a small box almost hidden amid the others. Everything went tamely until Barret picked the prize that Yuffie wanted – Vincent's oversized box. The older man grinned at her victoriously.

“Hah, I saw you lookin' it up like a piece of meat! Maybe I wanna know what it is!”

Yuffie had to wait until everyone picked, and soon enough she returned the grin. “Well looks like now I can duel you! Come on, let's go!” From the start it looked hopeless, the two were evenly matched enough to keep throwing the same thing. Rock, scissors, rock, paper, paper, rock, scissors. Finally they gave up and rolled dice against each other, Yuffie winning by a single number. “Hurrah! Looks like I get to win it!” She took the box gleefully, passing him her own gift.

A few less violent battles took place after that, some gifts trading hands. Vincent managed to keep his own, and after a while they all got bored and decided to open them. Nanaki's donated gift turned out to be a stuffed white chocobo. When questioned, he looked about sheepishly. “I haven't played before either. I thought it was literal.” Everyone chuckled at the mishap, and Vincent sought to reassure him.

“It's a nice present, Nanaki. It fits quite well, I think.”

Yuffie all but danced in her seat. “Now I'll open this one! Man it's heavy!” She tore the newspaper used to wrap the giant present, nearly ripping up the box too in her haste. Once she pulled out the gift, though, she let out a small wail, everyone around her laughing once they saw what it was. “Ack! What is this icky old thing? It's full of rocks!”

Vincent allowed a small laugh at her expression. “It's not all rocks. There are a few fittings and small pipes on the bottom too.”

All the laughs at her expense were pretty funny, though, and she found herself laughing along. “That was a pretty good trick you pulled, Vince! I'll get you next time!”

Soon enough the laughs died down as everyone went about opening their real gifts. Denzel and Marlene were given the task of sorting them out to each person, and chatter flowed easily as they dug into their presents. The kids, naturally, got plenty of toys, and the adults got everything from gag gifts to sentimental treasures. Vincent, strangely warmed by getting a few gifts himself, started with one from Cid. It was a gag, of course, a silly little stress reliever doll whose eyes popped out of its head when squeezed. Rolling his eyes, he debated which to unwrap next.

Tifa, sitting next to him in their big circle, nudged him. “Hey, open mine, you'll like it!”

“Alright.” Unwrapping the medium sized box, he found that it contained a teapot and matching cups. It was plain, a tall, black teapot with only its interesting shape as decoration. Taking it out carefully, he admired it from a couple angles. “This came just in time, I was considering patching my old one up.”

She laughed at his rough practicality. “Well now you can use this instead. I bet you have nothing but mismatched cups, too!”

“You would be right about that. Try opening mine.” Hiding his slight nervousness by opening his gift from Nanaki, he watched her discreetly. Nanaki's gift was a beautifully polished orange and red stone from Cosmo Canyon, destined to go among his odd assortment of curiosities.

“Oh my!” Her startled exclamation drew the attention of more than those sitting right next to her, and a few watched as she started to pull out a very fashionable dress. Noticing that she was getting more attention than she wanted, she put it back in the box, laughing as she went to open something else. Once all eyes were off her, though, she whispered to him quietly. “What did you get me _that_ for?”

Sitting back calmly, affecting nonchalance, he recalled how he had once witnessed her on the street gazing fondly at the long, red, shimmering number in a store window. “Hm, I don't know.”

She batted at his shoulder, still trying to keep people from staring now and then by hiding behind her box lid. “But that's from... oh, I don't even want to think about it! It must have been expensive! You shouldn't get me something like that!”

“I couldn't think of anything else.” Honestly, he really couldn't. After hearing her once complain about how she had nothing nice to wear anywhere and seeing her glance wistfully at this dress, he had already made up his mind anyway. “Don't you like it?”

“Of course, I just... oh, never mind. It's perfect.” Smiling at him, she moved on to the next gifts, trying to brush off the slight blush she felt building up, threatening to come out. She was saved by Cid's gift, a squeaky bathtub duck with googly eyes. Laughing at the ridiculous thing, she passed it around for everyone to see. Things quickly flowed back to normal, everyone unwrapping every last gift. A few tossed around wads of wrapping paper, starting another friendly battle as hot chocolate and treats were passed around.

After a while, heavier drinks were passed out for the adults, strange stories of holidays past told with varying degrees of embellishment. A few games were played until it was deemed no longer possible for anyone to not turn them into a reason to fight. Tifa then stood under the mistletoe, opening her arms wide. “Alright everyone, it's about that time! Come kiss your hostess goodnight!”

Everyone laughed as they took their turns. Yuffie squeezed her too tight, giving her a quirky peck on the cheek. Cid came along and twirled her into a dip, only to peck her on the forehead, laughing as he pretended to drop her. Nanaki wasn't sure how to go about this and ended up just giving her a sloppy hug, Shera following and giving Tifa a gentle hug and peck on the cheek. Barret was silly enough to act like a gentleman, taking her hand and kissing it. Vincent almost declined, but in the spirit of it all, he thought he could at least follow suit with everyone else. Hand on her shoulder, he laid a soft kiss on her cheek, stepping back as Denzel and Marlene ran up and hugged her. Her eyes flicked to his briefly, but she returned focus to the children as they were told to go up to bed. They left grudgingly but took their toys with them, knowing they could at least play until it was time to sleep.

There was still a little time until the bar would be opened, and everyone set about cleaning. Vincent defaulted to doing the dishes yet again, completely missing Shera's strange eagerness as she came to help him. As they set about cleaning the plates, Shera spoke quietly to him under the loud conversations outside the kitchen. “Where did you find that nice dress for Tifa?”

He supposed an honest answer was as good as any. “There is a boutique near the center of town, the large one by that high end cafe.”

“What? That place?” Her eyes widened as she lost control over her volume, composing herself before speaking again. “That's so nice of you, she's never had anything good like that. I know she has done so well on her own, with the bar and the children, but she should allow herself the occasional indulgence. Everyone has that small need somewhere.” She watched him carefully, noting that he stayed as noncommittal as possible. Finally, she felt the need to just say what was on her mind, sighing loudly. “Don't keep her in the dark too long, Vincent.”

Taken aback, he glanced at her, confused. “I'm not sure what you mean.”

“Oh come on, maybe the others don't see it, but I do. After putting up with all of Cid's cryptic nonsense, you're pretty easy to read! I know how you feel about her. All I'm saying is don't keep it in too long. If you want to live a life without regrets, don't leave things unsaid. Trust me, I know.” She smiled, alluding to her own brush with death. “It's not worth it.”

He wanted to deny what she said, that his feelings were friendly, albeit strong, but he couldn't do it. Now he finally had to face what he hadn't wanted to fully acknowledge. Old emotions that he had once wanted to bury forever were surfacing once again, but now he was letting them waft to the top unhindered. At long last, he admitted they were there, both wanted and unwanted, a risk he needed and dreaded to take. “Life isn't worth it without risk... is it?”

Her smile easily grew. “None of us would be here now if we hadn't risked it all to save the world we loved so much. Sometimes we do crazy things for love, but it is always worth it.”

They finished the last of the plates and he nodded gratefully as they parted. “Thank you.” Outside the kitchen, the friendly squabbles had died down as everyone finally felt tired, packing up their own gifts and cleaning up the last launched wads of wrapping paper lost in the chaos. As those who came by the airship left, Vincent helped Tifa rearrange the tables and chairs pulled aside for the party back into their original spots. As they worked, he couldn't help noticing that his gaze occasionally met hers. He made sure to look aside politely, but he knew she wanted to say something. Well, so did he.

He wanted to tell her how much better she seemed to be feeling, how much she lit up when she spoke now. He knew that his talk with Cloud days ago had been successful in resolving whatever the blond had needed resolved, and he was glad that she was no longer suffering in limbo. There were so many things he wished he could say, wished he had the strength to tell her, yet none of it seemed to want to come out. Though he was resolved in his emotions and what they meant, he was at a loss for words.

Tifa heaved a happy sigh, dispelling the tension in the air as she looked around at their work. “Well, I think we have everything back in place. Did you enjoy the party?” It was useless small talk and they both knew it.

Looking around too, he tried to sound calmer than he felt. “Yes, I did.” With that, though, he was again left there, nerves screaming at him to just do something already. Holding in all of it with the fullest strength of his training, he managed to contain himself. As her hand went to retrieve the mistletoe from the top of the door frame, though, he found his own hand stopping her with a gentle touch. “Wait.” Almost shocked at his own forwardness, he held strongly in his sudden resolve. Her eyes curiously looked up at him, oddly open and almost inviting.

“What is it?”

Actions came almost unbidden now, happening as if they were happening to someone else. His metal claw brushed back a stray lock of hair from her flustered face, her expression not the least bit off-put by his unnatural hand. He wished he could feel how that hair felt between those fingers, but he was too caught up in her now shy blush. “One last kiss for the hostess.” Ignoring his irritating conscience, his lips met hers in a strong but gentle kiss, only emboldening as her startled gasp turned into complete willingness. He was equally startled by the way she kissed back, full of both frustration and relief, sharing their joys and pains in a way beyond words. Even when they parted, breaths mingling in their closeness, he could still feel all the unspoken things drifting between them. Pulling from her reluctantly, knowing she had to work soon, he offered one last smile. “Now I can take my leave.”

 


	11. Chapter 11

Letting Go Ch. 11

 

* * *

It had been late one night when Vincent had his epiphany, though he certainly wouldn't have called it that and hadn't acted on it until now. It wasn't even a major realization, but it had changed how he had looked at his shifting emotions towards Tifa. He had lingered on it for once, analyzing and picking apart every detail, allowing himself to really inspect his feelings for what they were and why they were suddenly coming to the surface. As he really thought about it, he realized that the beginnings of his feelings towards her had started much longer ago, not too long after they had first met.

The whole party camped out while heading westbound out of Nibelheim, on the road looking for their next clues. A quiet night had descended, stars bright and sky clear as their campfire burned hot into the cool air. Everyone was still wary of their newest team member, the quiet, introverted, demon-possessed man who very well knew his way around a gun. Tensions were already high enough after the incidents in Nibelheim, and adding someone who had the potential to unwillingly turn on them in the haze of transformation didn't help matters.

Vincent was now awake for the first time in thirty years, in more ways than one. He could no longer tolerate what his actions had wrought and he would, if nothing else, see to the death of Hojo, preferably at his own hands. Sephiroth, too, if need be. Lost in his reflections, not caring if the others had anything to say to him, he was startled when someone touched his shoulder, handing him a mug of steaming liquid. When he looked up at the intrusion, there she was, handing him hot tea. Though she offered him a kind smile, he hadn't known how to react to her kind gesture, simply taking it with a curious glance, noticing the others watching him carefully. That had been the start of a friendship he had never asked for but now was grateful to have had.

Now, though, as he walked back to his home, he was both encouraged and worried about the step he had just taken. In his haste, he had crossed a line he now wasn't sure she wanted to take as much as he had. She had responded eagerly enough, and he supposed he was worrying over nothing, but he couldn't shake those doubts in his mind easily. Maybe in the past, he would have been horrified about crossing such a personal barrier like this, but both of them had changed in ways neither of them expected. Sometimes life changed without notice, whether good or bad, and he slowly eased away from his nagging doubts.

The evening was cold, his breath condensing in the air as he slowly walked home. Frost had settled on the monument, turning it into a crystalline sculpture, covering everything in a sparkling blanket. His steps left an absence in light behind him, crushing the fragile frost, all but alone in the deep night. A few others left their dark tracks, but with everyone else already inside, he felt like he was the only one around to see the splendor. The quiet solitude was relaxing, but he was starting to realize that it no longer held the comfort it once did. It was a cold comfort, giving nothing but taking nothing, simply there, not caring who chose to run into its embrace. Solitude easily turned into loneliness, leaving behind the chill brush of a finger as he drifted away.

As he left for the warmer emotions, he noticed that Chaos was unusually subdued. Occasional presence from the demon was so ordinary that the absence made him wonder. Every time he diverted from the cold nothingness, he felt more and more distanced from the usual callousness of Chaos. Intrigued, he reached out. _You are oddly silent tonight. Is there something amiss?_ Strange or not, he needed to know if there was something abnormal in this behavior.

When the demon spoke, it was in a quiet, overly focused tone.  **Being part of you, I see what you see, but I also feel what you feel.**

The implications of this hit a rather awkward note, and he quickly understood what was meant. His strong feelings were crossing over their link, the demon unaccustomed to anything but cold regret and self hate. _You're the one who suggested I start acting like a human. I can't help but feel like one as well._

**It hurts,** he groaned, retreating as far as he could and still be heard.  **I didn't know it would be painful like this. What have you done?**

_ Love does hurt sometimes. When it is strong, it hurts more. _ He remembered that well, how it once felt, or at least how he recalled it. Though he had loved Lucrecia, he now knew that his feelings had been misplaced, based on things that didn't hold a deep enough meaning, yet he still remembered the dull pain that had come from the emotion. As wrong as that love had been, it had impacted him in all the dark years spent alone in his self imposed tomb of a prison. Love for the wrong reasons, love for a woman he couldn't have had anyway, still painful in spite of it all.

**Stop that! I can't bear it!**

_ You started this, it's only right that I show you what being human means. You don't want to understand, but you will at least see. _ He remembered a night, ominous as Meteor hung in the far distance, slowly making its way towards the planet. An uncertain, tense time, everything silent and still as everyone awaited what might come. During that time of fear, he remembered seeing Tifa's face as she stared out at the sunset, strong and resolute against the certain disaster. It was what he had come to secretly admire about her, how she faced whatever challenges came at her fearlessly and yet looking so fragile, her compassion for her friends giving her the strength to overcome.

**It is too much... I... don't force me to beg!**

He nearly faltered at Chaos's uncharacteristic plea, wondering if the pain was actually very real and harmful. Emotions like this were foreign and probably did cause pain, but he had waited far too long to feel again.  _ I'm sorry. I have to do this. I have to remember. _ A shaft of sunlight filtering into the chocobo barn, lighting up her grinning face as she held a golden hatchling, excited at reviving the species. The bridge of the Highwind at night, Meteor nearly filling the sky, Tifa crying alone when she thought nobody was awake, unleashing anxiety in secret. Never judging her for being weak, for breaking in the face of futility, for feeling so small in the vast sea of the universe.  _ I felt it too, I felt insignificant against everything we were facing, just one person in the midst of so many, a tiny force on an enormous planet, nothing against the infinity of outer space. _

**To feel small is something I cannot comprehend. Stop showing me these things.**

When they had been aboard the rocket, launched into space, he looked out at their planet from a distinctly unique viewpoint, small and alone in the vastness of space, nobody to care for it except for those that walked its surface. The planet was the tiniest jewel on a black tapestry, overshadowed by even larger planets, an enormous sun, yet everything they lived and died for was on this very small piece of the greater picture.

**That is why I am here. I preserve the greater picture against your foolish race. If you cannot protect it, it shall be taken from you.**

_Even you are small against the greater picture, though. Even if humans do fail and you are forced to kill everything so that it can begin anew, the new planet would also be just another small piece in a very vast universe. I don't think either of us can comprehend the true greater picture._

Chaos grew quiet, remembering with him the view from the rocket. Both of them had been startled by how small everything was from up there.  ** It is, at least, the planet's greater picture. **

Vincent only nodded, knowing he wouldn't get much farther on the topic. Boots crunching on hard ice, the only sound in the quiet city, he headed down the alley towards home, a content smile on his face as he felt truly at peace for the first time in over thirty years.

 

* * *

Cloud's motorcycle thrummed loudly as he rode through a dusty canyon, marbled walls flying by at a frantic pace. He was searching for something, though he wasn't sure what it was. It felt like he was driven to this place, drawn by an unknown force. Deep down, though, he knew what it was, or rather who. Despite how long Sephiroth had been in the lifestream, he was still able to connect to him on a subconscious level. The remnants of Jenova were still strong enough to influence him, though they no longer held him entirely captive. Coming to a deep crevice, he peered down into it, seeing the lifestream bubbling deep below.

“So that's what this is about. You brought me closer to where you could hear me?” Too curious to back off with his old anger at being controlled like this, he parked his motorcycle at the top of the cliff, looking for possible cracks in the ravine to get closer to the source. At a loss, looking down at the sheer walls, he drew himself up on the top of the crevice, bracing as best as he could as he leaned over to listen. The lifestream below surged and twisted, flowing faster as he watched, pulsating with a soft green light. “You brought me out here, you might as well say whatever you had to say.” He sighed, confused by his own willingness. “I'm listening.”

With a low hiss, the lifestream swelled with activity, whispers of voices drawn to the surface. He quickly felt it, the presence of Sephiroth that had tormented him for years. _**It is still around. Jenova is still alive.**_

“I know.” Cloud clutched at his head, Sephiroth's voice still paining him even now. The foreign presence intruded into his consciousness, and he struggled to accept it and not fight it. “We found it.”

Sephiroth took his opportunity to worm closer through the door that Cloud opened in his mind, straining to speak loud enough to be heard. _**Until it's gone, we can't be freed from it. I don't know where it is, but it is enough to affect us.**_

“What do you mean?” His brow furrowed, confused by Sephiroth's unusual behavior. Somehow, this Sephiroth sounded tired and worn, a far cry from the cold killer he once knew. He sounded defeated.

_**From the very beginning, it was part of me. It has controlled me all my life, and it is taking everything I have to fight it now.** _

Cold seeped into his gut, everything suddenly taking on a new light. “Jenova? You were fighting against it? How? What happened?”

_**I can't explain it. I must show you. Come into the lifestream.** _

Hesitating, he looked around, once more inspecting the terrain. It looked too dangerous to descend, plus there was the danger of overexposure to the bare lifestream itself. “I'm not sure I can.”

_**You need to, it's the only way I can show you.** _

Against his better judgment, Cloud tugged a rope from the pack on his motorcycle, hooking it around a tall, thin spire of rock. He drew out a pair of heavy leather gloves, putting them on as he prepared to descend down into the ravine. Down he went, rope twisted around his feet to slow his progress. Once his boots hit the ground, he walked slowly toward the exposed lifestream, entranced by the raw power it held. Kneeling by the greenish glow, he looked into its liquid depths, watching as it flowed and twisted. He dipped his hand slowly into the lifestream, bracing himself for the surge of thoughts and feelings he knew would come.

An inky blackness suddenly formed around his hand, collecting as Sephiroth found him. It looked like a void amidst the light, tainting the clear stream. _**I need to show you what really happened that night. It wasn't what you think it was, and only now is my mind clear enough to tell you.**_ A sudden jolt raced through him as the image came, Sephiroth alone and lost amid the piles and piles of books at the bottom of the Shinra mansion, absorbed in the horrors of Gast's research. What was different, though, was that he could see and hear things from Sephiroth's perspective. As the pain and confusion of this grisly account surged through him, he heard a voice whispering in his mind. It was telling him, compelling him to kill. Whether he wanted to or not, he would watch the world burn.

The unknown voice wrapped around his mind like an embrace, feeding off of anger and turmoil. With each whisper, he knew now that he recognized that voice. _It's Jenova!_

_**You were lucky to not have been worthy of testing earlier in your life,** _ Sephiroth said in a small, tired whisper.  **_Can you imagine what it is like to have something like this mold you as a child, as an infant, in the womb? Could you hear it telling you secrets you never wanted to know, slanders you couldn't believe and yet you were compelled to?_ ** The scene shifted to Sephiroth as a child, raised by Shinra, never knowing a family. Jenova would speak to him, telling him that it was the only family he would ever need, and that he alone could understand and protect it. He would lose himself in these thoughts, relishing in the inner comfort that was never reflected on the outside.

_I get that, a little. What happened back then?_

_**I wasn't alone, not with this entity that praised me as I grew, drove me when I couldn't get up.** _ Clear images of Sephiroth, blood flowing down his face after a brutal training exercise, remnants of enemies still clenched in his hands as the voice spoke sweetly. When he killed, he felt its love, an emotion otherwise denied. When he failed, there was scorn, regret, condescension. Only when he won, only when he ripped his foes apart with all his strength was he revered and cherished, feared and honored.

_It can't be an excuse, though. You had to have known better._

_**Not until later. How could I? You know how it was in Soldier.** _ Missions, tasks, classes, all of it flew by in a flash, some scenes lingering for only a moment. This was something they had both learned. Soldier may have been around to keep the peace, but there was a darker, unmentioned side. Research had gone too far, too deep, delving into things that man was not meant to uncover.  **_I never even saw the outside world until I came of age and was ready for my first mission, my first outside kill. By then I was too loyal, too hardened to question what I did. Jenova was who I lived to please, not my human captors. Only once I spent time in the world did I learn how despicable it was._ **

_Not everyone is like that. You could have found help._

_**You don't understand how tight Jenova's hold on me was, Cloud. Nobody could have helped me. From my very beginning, I was controlled by it. I never had a chance to learn how to overcome it. Even now I can hear it whispering, telling me things...** _ The images stopped, halting as he rejected Cloud's touch in the lifestream.  **_You should leave now. I won't be able to control myself much longer._ **

Cloud withdrew from the stream quickly, his hand burning with a dull, stinging ache. Taking off his glove, he saw his skin was pink and slightly burned, the contact still throbbing in his nerves. A crevice near the edge of the ravine jutted back, not quite a full cave but shelter enough until he could climb back up. He sat under the slight overhang, green restore materia glowing as he healed up his hand. Overhead, dark clouds had moved in during his mental absence, thunder rolling in the distance as small patters of rain fell to the ground.

Surprisingly, despite all that he had just learned, his mind was blank, only taking in the sound and smell of the rain as it fell. The rhythm of it was a welcoming white noise, a storm in the desert a rare but violent occurrence. Such a rain would fall heavily, most of the region's yearly rainfall coming nearly all at once. Looking around, he saw that he knew this place, though he hadn't realized he had been coming here. He was in the harsh, arid part of the outer Corel area, somewhere near the Gold Saucer. This ravine had to be the one they crossed over while searching for Dyne.

As the calm atmosphere fell over him, stuck until the storm passed, he thought about what Sephiroth told him. He wanted to shrug it off, not believe it, go on with hating the man as he had always done, but what he had seen in the lifestream was true. None in the lifestream could outright lie, even one who was not a direct part of it. Jenova had also been such a part of himself that he knew what Sephiroth meant. It had a way of twisting the darker emotions, feeding off of them and growing stronger each day that the tensions rose. He knew all too well how deep it could reach.

During their trip to the city of the Ancients, Jenova's grip on him had been stronger than ever, driving him mindlessly as he thought he searched for Sephiroth. All along he had been chasing Jenova, participating in the great reunion. He remembered Aerith, standing there under the light in the depths of the city. Seeing as if from outside himself, he saw his sword moving, poising to strike her down, the urge to murder her surging through his blood, flowing icy black as Jenova's whispers increased. All he could think about at that time was how her red stained clothes would look, how she would shudder as she breathed her last, the light in her eyes dim and unseeing.

He clutched his arms around his knees, torn by how close he had come to killing her. In the end she had died anyway, but he couldn't bear if he had been the one to do it. _I think I understand now. I understand you, Sephiroth. I really can't imagine how it would feel to feel these things since you were a child, even before that. Was this how you felt every time you killed?_ His hands clenched in front of him, still seeing illusory blood on them. _Did you even want to kill? What did you want? Did you ever have the ability to know what you wanted? Did Jenova ever loosen her grip?_

Without thinking too hard, he knew the answer. Jenova never let go of its subjects for even a minute. It was only through sheer willpower that anyone could break from its control, and it never lasted long enough. As he looked out at the torrential rain, he finally realized that he knew Sephiroth better than he thought he could. It was their sameness that had made Jenova's influence so strong, made them so easy to manipulate against each other. _How could I have been so stupid? I never once thought about how Jenova might have affected you, and you were born with its cells in your body. Maybe that's just how deep it runs, to where we can't think about anything but blind anger and hate until it consumes us._ Sighing deeply, he knew what he had to do. _Yeah. I'll set us free. I'll make sure of it._

 

* * *

A week had passed by and things continued normally enough. When Tifa's phone rang, she didn't expect anything major, but life was about to throw a wrench at her. “Tifa? It's Vincent. Shera just called me. We should all be ready within the next day or two to try to free Lucrecia.” His voice grew quiet, both of them knowing what that would really mean. “I'm not sure what will happen, but I have a feeling she will agree to it. It's the only way to make sure Jenova is really gone.”

Her lips pursed, brows furrowing as she took it in. “She was already dead, Vincent. I know how hard this is for you, but it might be all we can do for her now.”

“That was my thought as well. She died when she gave birth to Sephiroth. Only Jenova allowed her to persist long enough to seal herself and Jenova with her. As long as Jenova continues to exist, there is always the possibility it could one day break the seal and escape.”

“Oh, I don't even want to think what could happen if Jenova got out. Especially with all those people still affected by it. It's not even just Cloud, I heard recently of some of the higher class Soldier members suffering from lingering activity.”

“Really? I suppose that's not much of a surprise...” He trailed off, sighing. “This needs to end, one way or another. We have to do something. Are you going to come?”

She laughed. “Of course I am! There's no way I'm going to leave something this important to all of you clowns!” Shaking her head to herself, her tone grew serious again. “I need to be there. However I can help, I want to finish this with everyone. I want to know that it's over.”

“Thank you, Tifa. We will be glad for your assistance.” A slight lilt in his voice before he hung up suggested that he was more glad to have her be there than just be one of many who tagged along. As she set down her phone, she couldn't help the small smile on her face, the memory of their stolen kiss lingering in the back of her mind.

That kiss had been unexpected but not unwelcome, and she blushed furiously as she tried to busy herself with sweeping the floor, the resurgence of that feeling sweeping over her mercilessly. _Oh, I had never felt that with Cloud. Not once._ She tried to cover her flushed face, going to the sink to splash cold water over her burning skin. There weren't many customers here tonight, but they would probably wonder if they saw her like this. Her efforts were futile, her mind replaying it as she blushed harder.

_I never thought it could feel like that. And that kiss! I never thought he'd be so good at it!_ Shaking herself out of her memories, she tried her best to focus on her work. It lasted about a minute. Groaning, she busied herself with the tedious task of getting caked on food off of the soaking silverware.

She had already known a long time ago that her feelings towards their most elusive team member were bordering on the beyond friendly variety. It had been simple to attribute it to his mysterious, dangerous nature, or maybe to his quiet but mature attitude, but now it was showing itself to be something else entirely. All the things she used to think she thought about Cloud hadn't been there. They were great friends, as close as siblings, but there hadn't been attraction. Every kiss had felt lacking, even empty, of the fire that fueled a true relationship. There had been love, but it wasn't the right love.

Every time Vincent's crimson eyes met hers with a gaze that could make the receiver feel like the only person in the room, seeing and knowing without needing to ask unnecessary questions, her heart gave a startled thud. When he spoke, it was hard not to give him undivided attention, his presence deep and commanding.  _Oh man, I've got it bad._ Glancing at the clock, she leaned over the counter with a sigh as she saw all but a couple people had left, and they were about ready to leave too. It wasn't too near closing time but she supposed there was no point in staying up if everyone was gone.

A few minutes later, the last of her customers left and she decided to close a bit early. There was still at least an hour left before her usual closing time, but it had been slow all day long. Gratefully distracted by her closing duties, she did all of it energetically. Reeve had all but stolen the kids for the weekend, taking them in for extra classes, and though she was glad they were both showing so much aptitude, it left her alone in the big empty house.  _No matter! I'll make myself some hot chocolate and sit by the fireplace!_ She smiled at the thought, leaning into her broom as she swept all the dust out the back door and into the alley.

Dishes were set to soak overnight, dry glasses hanging on a rack, tables wiped and everything finished in the course of a few minutes, and before long she was curled in front of the fireplace with a good book. Hot chocolate was nowhere to be found and she made a note to get more, but she was content enough to spread out on the couch as it was. Settling into the arm of the couch, she focused on her book.  _The tall young man leaned over her possessively, gentle hands tangling into her long, silky hair... oh!_ Recoiling from the offending book, she tossed it at the wall, blushing again as it plopped to the floor.

Tangling a blanket around herself, she turned towards the fire, watching the flames with forced attention.  _I didn't realize I was reading that one still. I never have time to read anymore._ The damage had been done, though, and the memory of his touch as he kissed her lingered with a vengeance. Heaving an exasperated sigh, she looked at the clock one last time. Well, that had been a nice waste of five minutes.  _That does it. Forget it, I'm going to bed._

Extinguishing the fire, she moved to go up the stairs but never made it up the first step. She paused, stopped, and turned around, backing away into the common area. No matter how hard she worked to get those thoughts out of her head, they kept coming. The warmth those thoughts brought was stronger than anything she had felt before, and now she found herself grabbing her long coat, heading out into the cold.

 

* * *

Vincent lurked by his door, gun drawn, silently loading it in the darkness. He sensed a presence outside, one that was coming for him. Nobody intending anything good ever sought him at an hour like this. The lights had gone off as soon as he felt it, his back against the thick stone wall by the door, old habits and paranoia creeping into him as he prepared to defend himself. His breathing grew shallow, silent in the quiet night as he waited, calm but focused. As the presence drew closer, he gripped his gun tighter, finger on the trigger.

**It's the woman.**

He drew back up to his feet, putting the gun away with a tired sigh, turning all the lights back on. Just as he opened the door, he saw Tifa there, hand poised to knock. Standing aside to let her in, he glanced down at her curiously. “I didn't expect you.”

She walked in with a smile, trying to recover her composure. “I didn't expect me either. I hope it's not too late.”

“No, it's alright. Did you want tea?”

“Sure.” Turning around to face him as he prepared the tea, she realized that she had never been in his apartment before. It was sparse, not much more than the basics, though he kept a small shelf for some of the more interesting objects he had found. Also on that shelf was the little stuffed white chocobo from the party, head askew as it flopped against the other collections. Aside from that, there was only a heavy blanket on the couch, a collection of a few books, and a few tools by the kitchen. “It seems a bit strange that I haven't been here yet.”

“I'll admit I was wondering why you had come.” Setting the water to boil, he halfway turned to look at her, his glance asking but not demanding.

“I'm not quite sure myself. Are you ready for the...” She paused, not sure what to call it. “The excavation?”

“As much as one can ever be.” Distracting himself by getting tea out of the cupboard, taking the boiling water from the stove, he tried to avoid her knowing gaze. “It remains to be seen if it can even be done, but I have prepared myself for the most probable outcomes.”

“Oh.” She wasn't sure what else to say. Their tea was soon done, and she smiled when she saw he was using the teapot and cups she gave him. “I'm glad you're getting some use out of your gift.”

Simply nodding, he took the tea into the living area, placing it on the plain coffee table and sitting on one end of the couch. When she joined at the other end, he watched her for a moment before he spoke. “That's not why you came here.”

“No. I don't know why I did it. I guess I just wanted some company.”

He somehow seemed to see through her with his stare, reading into the small nuances of what she was saying. His smile was small but knowing, covered up with a casual sip of his tea. Glancing at the small fire burning in the fireplace, he affected nonchalance. “I am glad for your company as well.”

Trying to hide her blush behind her cup, she watched the fire with him, trying not to think that it was this situation that had driven her here. It was relaxing, though, sitting here by the fire on a cold winter night, enjoying quiet and easy company. They drank their tea in silence, not needing to fill the air with more small talk, understanding each other's needs on a deeper level. All her previous hesitation was forgotten, lost in the comfort of his presence. When the tea was gone, he went to clear away their dishes, putting them beside the sink as she rested. Once he returned, though, he paused in front of her, watching her with his penetrating gaze.

He moved to sit nearer the fire, on the floor by the couch, drawing her down to sit beside him. They were dangerously close, but his calm tone belied his nervousness. “Now, how about you tell me why you are really here?”

Her eyes darted to his, caught in it for a devastatingly intense moment. Reading into his mutual attraction, her mind was made up. “I came here for this.” Closing the distance, her lips met his in a burning kiss, hand brushing against his face to tangle in his long dark hair. He only paused a moment in surprise, soon responding to ardor with his own. The kiss intensified, fueled by hard emotion, and when they finally broke apart, she could barely speak in a breathless whisper. “It's never felt like this before.”

His brow met hers, eyes closing as he absorbed the moment. “No, never like this.” Brushing her cheeks with both hands, he opened his eyes again, watching her with a hint of surprise. He felt so lucky to have her here with him, their feelings toward each other mutual and out in the open. Their connection was real and deep, spanning a short but eventful time, going farther than either of them expected. Capturing her lips once more, he drew her onto his lap, holding her tight as she gripped his shoulders.

Tifa kissed back almost desperately, overcome by the intensity of their passion. They were now in a battle that both of them had no intention of losing, soft touches turning into firm grips, the heat quickly rising between them. She was almost shocked by how quickly this had escalated, yet she couldn't help but dive deeply into the sensuality of his possessive grasp. When her back met the floor, his lean but firm body over hers, she only grabbed harder, giving in to whatever may come.

Breaking the kiss when Tifa brushed her hand up his shirt, Vincent moved up far enough to look her in the eye, knowing too well where this was heading. “Are you sure about this?”

She only met his gaze with a challenging glint in her eye. “Are you?” No answer followed, only met with a dark, wanting look. When their lips met again in a purposeful kiss, they both readily surrendered to the heat of the night.


	12. Chapter 12

Letting Go – Ch. 12

 

* * *

Vincent never slept through that night, just as with any other night, but he didn't relinquish his hold on the woman sleeping beside him. They had never made it beyond the fireplace, lulled by the warmth and comfort of more than just the flames. As the sun rose, peeking through the window, he waited for her to stir, nose pressed to the corner of her neck to catch her scent. Tifa slowly woke, stretching in his hold and turning to face him, eyes opening to meet his. Neither said anything, not wanting to break the quiet moment. He placed a soft kiss on her brow, enjoying the moment until his phone rang loudly. Groaning at the damn thing, he fumbled for it on the side table, answering it quickly.

“Vincent here.”

“It's Shera, I think I got all the kinks worked out. Do you want Cid to come by later today? We're ready whenever you are.”

He shot a significant glance at Tifa. “The sooner the better, I suppose. Yes, if you could have him come later this afternoon I can be ready.”

“Sure, that should be alright. Not sure how much help I'll be, though. I've been coming down with something I think. It's probably just a bug, but I'll do what I can to help out.”

“Don't stress yourself too much, Shera. If you need a break, please take one.”

“I will, believe me. I'm not gonna miss this!”

“If you say so. You know if you can't pace yourself, Cid will find a way. See you there.” They said their goodbyes and he put the phone back on the side table, laying back down with a heavy sigh. Tifa reached for him and he gratefully returned to her embrace, idly rubbing her bare back.

“Today, then?” she asked, her hand gripping his shoulder reassuringly. When he only nodded, she gave him a rueful smile. “I wish I could say that everything will be alright, but we can't really know that until it's over.”

“No. I only hope that in the end, the right thing will be done.”

“Sometimes the right thing is the thing we don't want to do.” Seeing a question forming in his eyes, she had an idea of what it might be. “I don't regret this.”

His hand went to her face, warm against her cool cheek. Her own hand went over his, holding it there as he unconsciously drew closer. “I knew, somehow.” Pulling her to him, he leaned further into her touch. “We might not know what will happen, but it will happen. I'm tired of running from everything. I want to face it with the same courage that you have.”

“You will. We all will.” She gave him a wide smile, getting a small one in return. For a while they simply stayed as they were, communicating their anxieties on a different level, trying to muster the strength to face their troubles. It was a long moment before either of them could move.

 

* * *

Snow fell lightly as Vincent stepped out into the cold, his old cloak once again around his shoulders. It had been too long since he had dressed for battle, and the long cloak was a welcome weight. Tifa had left shortly before, needing to get everything at her own home ready for departure, and he took that time to make sure he had what he might need. Now there was only one last thing. Turning to his neighbor's door, he knocked, not sure what exactly he might say.

“Ah, hello there! I'm afraid I don't have anything today.” She stepped back, taking a look at his changed attire. “Well now... I suppose you're going somewhere?”

Nodding shortly, he hesitated in the doorway. “Yes. I don't know how long I might be, but... if anything should happen to me, I thought I might let you know.”

Her stare was odd, darting around before moving aside. “Come in, won't you?”

This time he didn't hesitate, coming into her apartment quickly, though he didn't take a seat. “I'm sorry for the short notice, but I hadn't known when this excursion might take place.”

She nodded, seeming to think something over before she turned to him, her gaze strangely calculating. “So you think it might be dangerous?” At his long silence, she chuckled. “I can't imagine what out there has the power to scare Vincent Valentine.”

Cold dropped into his stomach as he unconsciously took a step back, thinking over how she might have recognized him. “I'm sorry?”

“I never forget a face, young man, though I'll admit it was strange to see yours as untouched as the last time I saw you.” She grinned at his confused look. “Am I really getting so good at the harmless old woman act? You should know as well as I do. Once a Turk, always a Turk.” Patting the side of her baggy skirt, he could see she was armed somewhere. “Then again, my reactions aren't what they used to be. Ah, I miss when I could hit a target without even looking. Now I can't even shoot straight. Still, those old habits die hard. Don't worry about me, I will manage. I always have.”

He couldn't help but chuckle at the strangeness of the situation. “I don't understand, Rose. When did we meet last? How did I know you? You were one of the Turks?” His mind suddenly went over all the people he had once known so long ago, trying to figure it out.

“Everyone knew you!” She laughed, finally going to sit on her couch. “Come now, I know you can remember if you try. Surely it hasn't been that long. I know, how about a hint?” Her crooked finger pointed to a picture on the wall that had escaped him before. “There, that's me when I was younger.”

Taking a close look at the picture, he huffed in surprise. Though the woman in the picture was younger than the woman he once knew, he recognized her. “I should have known.”

She grunted at that very true statement. “So, now you remember. I'm surprised it took you so long, but I suppose I have changed!” Laughing again, she motioned for him to have a seat, but he declined graciously. “Always in a hurry. Well, I can understand that. Don't mind too much about me, you know I have my family around. They might not be around much but we have ways, you know.”

Shaking his head, he tried hard to take it all in. “I had a feeling once I saw Elena in the pictures. Her sister, too. Now it all makes sense why you are still around. You were a Turk too.”

“It was the best way to preserve our family. The safest place to hide is at the enemy's breast, and all of that. Maybe in the end it was all one big sacrifice. Well, no more worrying, right? I'm sure that whatever you are out to do, you will do it. I'll keep an eye on things while you're gone.”

“Thank you, there shouldn't be anything to watch, but I appreciate it.” The only thing he could think of that anyone would want anyway were his files, and he had taken them along. “I will do my best to return shortly.”

“Yes, yes, go on now! Don't keep your friends waiting!” She shook her head as he left abruptly with only a wave, chuckling to herself as she mentally went over everything stashed away for emergencies. Funny thing, those old habits.

 

* * *

Hiding away in the bathroom on the airship, Shera shook violently as she recovered from yet another spell of nausea. She had a notion of what was really wrong with her, but she didn't want it to be true. _It must be stress, or maybe a recurring illness, it has to be. I can't be... no, not like this, not now!_ Leaning against the wall, shuddering, she stared up at the medicine cabinet, knowing she had to confront her fears one way or another. Opening the mirrored door, she fished around in the very back for the only thing that could give her a straight answer. _Please don't let it be true. I'm not ready for this!_

She knew, just as any woman who had been there did, that hoping and praying never made that line on a pregnancy test do what she asked. Five minutes never seemed to last so long, every last second filled with fear and dread. As the last moments passed, her eyes closed against the inevitable, she finally looked, groaning at the result.  _Oh, no. No no no!_ No matter how bad it looked, she somehow knew it to be true. It had been pure denial that kept her from thinking about it.

“You alright in there Shera?” Cid banged on the door. “You still got that flu?”

In a panic, she wadded the test in a clump of toilet paper, shoving it to the bottom of the wastebasket. “Y-yeah, I'm alright! I'll be out in a minute, I'm feeling a little better today!”

“Better be! It's about time you started getting over that stuff, you just go lay down alright?”

She bit her lip, thinking of an answer that would leave the least suspicion. “No thanks, I'll sleep when I'm dead! There's still so much to be done!”

“Dammit Shera I'll tie you down to the bed if I have to! You're gonna get out of there and go lay down until I let you out and that's that!” Cid stomped away, leaving Shera to sigh and wilt down in her slumped posture. That was too close.

Regaining her composure, she straightened, hand over her abdomen as she opened the door to leave. “Oh, whatever am I going to do?”

“Do about what?” Nanaki sat near the door as silently as ever, scaring Shera out of her skin when he suddenly spoke. He took one look at her, startled and clutching at herself, and it was quickly clear to him what was wrong. “Shera, are you alright?”

She suddenly broke into tears, leaning against the closed door, shrinking away as he watched. “No, I'm not. I'm not alright at all.”

Nanaki nudged her leg gently, turning away to lead her. “Come on, let's go to your room. Don't worry, I won't say anything. You can tell me as much or as little as you need to.”

Following after him numbly, she was in a near daze as they came to her room. Fighting those tears was a hard task, only compounded by everything racing through her mind. She barely registered sitting on the edge of the bed, Nanaki jumping up to sit next to her, a paw on her leg in support. Once her sheer terror and shaking sobs subsided, she looked over at her friend, torn over what to do or think. “Do you think he will be mad?”

“I honestly don't know.” Nanaki looked up at her, his one good eye gazing at her thoughtfully. “If he did get mad, it wouldn't be for long, I don't think. All of us have learned how precious life is, and I doubt he would take long to accept it. Did you just find out?”

She nodded weakly. “Yes. I thought I was just sick, or maybe it was stress but... well, you know how it is. There was still always that possibility, with us being married, so I kept a test around just in case. I just didn't think it would happen like this.” Blushing slightly at this rather delicate situation, she continued. “We were always so careful. I knew he didn't particularly want children, so I always made sure to not take any risks. I just don't know how this could have happened.”

“Unintentional or not, it is here,” he stated simply. “I have heard that such accidents can happen despite all precautions. All you can do now is decide what you want. For yourself, and for your child. For Cid, too. He will take some time to come to terms with it, but he will have to see it for what it is. I know you would keep the child and that nothing would come in the way of that.”

“Yes,” she replied, regaining her courage. “You're right, and you're right that he will have to make his own choice. I know he's still so rough around the edges, but he's a good man. I know he will do the right thing in the end.”

“He will, I know.” Tail switching over the bed, he blinked lazily. “You don't have to tell him just yet, but tell him before it's too late.”

She laughed. “Yeah, it would be pretty hard to fob that off as overeating!” Leaning over, she hugged Nanaki gently. “Thank you so much, Nanaki. I know you feel different from all of us but you're a great friend.”

His head tilted thoughtfully. “I am different, but that is alright, I think. I can't be anything else, I can be only me. I have come to accept that for what it really means.”

 

* * *

Sometime during the journey, Cloud had fallen asleep. He had been picked up along the way by Cid, exhausted but mentally prepared, and had quickly retired to a spare room. Everyone had been glad to see him and he hadn't slighted them on a few pleasantries, but they all allowed that he needed a good rest before even thinking about going on. Despite the depth of his exhaustion, he couldn't stop dreaming. Even now he twitched in his sleep, lids fluttering as his mind swam with images.

“Get up, child.” In the dream the voice sounded so real, everything around him tangible and solid. He was bleeding, arms quivering as he struggled to rise. Pain made it hard to feel much else, though he felt weak, uncertain and inferior. Rising to his feet at long last, he looked towards the voice, Hojo watching him with a cool gaze. “Well? I doubt an enemy would be as patient as I am. Next time rise faster or you will find yourself getting killed.”

“You might be the one who dies, old man,” he heard himself mutter. A liquid cold jolt shot through him, a soothing voice whispering sweetly.

_You will never be good enough if you can't overcome your own body. You limit yourself by believing you have limits. When will you realize that you are far superior to your own flesh?_

Panting, he shook off the pain, ignored how his nerves howled in agony. His wounds slowly healed as he pulled out restoration magic, not caring how much his mana drained. Hatred boiled in his blood, directed at the cold man that now walked away from him. That man knew nothing, was nothing. He was just a tool, something that could be used to further the gains of the presence in his mind. Delving deeply into the comfort of the presence, he felt power surge through him. Someday he would surpass all limitations, even death.

Cloud suddenly shot up in bed, gasping and sweating. He tore the covers aside in a panic, his whole body trying to recover from the realistic dream. It felt like he was still there, still on that cold, hard floor, blood on and around him, torn enemies in a heap in front of him. Shaking his head he staggered to his feet for real, disoriented for a moment. Where was he? The familiar surroundings of the airship came into focus as he heard someone charging towards his room. Someone banged on the door and when he went to open it, Tifa was watching him anxiously.

“Cloud, are you alright?”

“I... yeah, I'm alright. It was just a nightmare.” He stepped out of the room, not wanting to trust falling back asleep again.

“It wasn't though, was it?” She recognized this look about him; it was something she had seen many times before and had only recently come to know. “He's been talking to you. Please, Cloud, you know you can talk to me about it.”

Swallowing hard against the memory of the nightmare, he looked at her, weighing his options. Honestly he didn't want to talk about it. He wanted nothing more than to withdraw until they came to the cave, but he remembered that he was trying to share more with others, even if it was just a little. Tifa was still a longtime friend and she was admittedly a good person to start with. “Alright. He has been talking to me but... it's been different somehow. Without Jenova influencing him, he sounds like a different person. I was out there in that canyon, you know, out by where Dyne was?”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“There is a crack in the planet there, you can see the lifestream.” Watching her reaction, he decided to go on. Letting go of his ancient struggle with Sephiroth had to begin here. “He showed me things, things about Jenova. He wasn't like the rest of us, he was literally born with Jenova in him already. I never once stopped to think about it, how he had never even had the chance to be... I don't know, normal?”

At his pause, she looked up at him, urging him to continue. “It does make sense, I think. Remember those stories about how Jenova would disguise itself as a loved one of a new victim? Who better to mold than someone who was so young?”

“I thought that too. I just don't know.” Fist clenching, he hit his thigh roughly. “I still hate what he has done, I hate everything about it! But you know, I just can't hold onto it anymore. I can't bring myself to really despise him anymore because I know what it feels like to have Jenova in my brain. I know what depths it can make you sink into. I can't hate him for being a victim too.”

Thinking back on all of the times that Sephiroth had hurt innocent people, she also still hated what he had done, but now it seemed a bit clearer. “Now I get it. Jenova drew on his emotions and made them stronger, to the point where he couldn't tell right from wrong. Just like you.”

He nodded gravely. “Just like me. Just like when I almost killed Aerith myself. You know how I was after that. I wonder if he was too.”

“We might never know.” She absently traced the line of the scar she still bore from Sephiroth's blade, the edge just under the bottom of her shirt. “I can never forgive what he did to us, to you, to everyone, but I can understand now what was driving him to do it. It isn't the closure I would like to have, but I'll take it.”

Slowly, a small smile came to his face. “Yeah. It's strange, you've changed somehow.”

Her brow quirked curiously. “I have? How?”

“You just seem to be deeper, like you're thinking harder.” Fidgeting nervously, he brushed back his hair with his hand. “Have you been... alright?”

She was honestly touched by his concern, and she finally saw a glimpse of her old friend pop up again. “Yes, I'm better. Much better. I still feel bad about how things went with us, but maybe it was just meant to be this way. Maybe we were just doing what should have been done all along. You'll always be my friend and you can talk to me whenever you want.” Smiling, she turned to head out into the main area. “Are you staying up?”

“Can't sleep if I dream too hard!” As he followed her out into the large meeting area, he already felt better. Her acceptance of him had been weighing on his subconscious thoughts, always somewhere in the back nagging at him, and he felt the tension loosen with relief. He was starting to feel like he used to before Soldier, before Zack, before he had known anything beyond home.

The central meeting table was packed with a wide assortment of papers and objects, everyone pooling their information as they went over every possible outcome. Tifa was a bit surprised to see Vincent with a heavily classified folder that surely once belonged to Shinra, pointing out a particular part to Cid. Coming closer, she walked over to them as Cloud moved to chat with Barret. She came up just as Vincent pointed out another section of Lucrecia's file. “So you can see, I would imagine that it would be impossible to replicate her ability, but if there were some way to keep her alive temporarily, it might be possible for it to be undone.” Spotting her he moved to face her, showing her the same passage. “We are not quite sure what will happen when we get her out, but if we can somehow loosen the seal it might be possible that Jenova could affect her differently.”

Leaning closer to read the passage, not noticing just how close they were, she was more confused than informed. “Affect her differently how?”

“We suspect that there may be a battle if we free her. It is entirely likely that Jenova will cause her to rapidly mutate into Jenova's form, or possibly a creature of some sort. As the last remnant, it could be very weak or very strong, so we have been thinking of ways to prevent it.”

“It would be like the segments of Jenova that we fought before!”

“Yes, maybe. It could be a difficult fight but we won't even know until it happens.” Setting down Lucrecia's files, he picked up his own, turning to a part where he had written a few notes. “Something about the protomateria also might have something to do with how Chaos and I are joined. Normally he could overpower even the most willful human, but the protomateria inhibits him. If he is removed from me, the protomateria will still be in my body and might have a negative effect if he is released to roam freely.”

“Oh...” All of this was starting to go over her head, and it took her a moment to take it all in. “Oh I see, right there. Chaos, when it formed, was formed along with the protomateria so the planet might keep itself alive a bit longer. Without it inhibiting him, the planet doesn't have any protection. What if you removed the protomateria from yourself?”

“For all I know I might die without it. We don't know much about the protomateria, so any number of things could happen. The planet might even form new protomateria, it's impossible to say.”

Cid grumbled, crossing his arms roughly. “Well we're not gonna know until we try!”

“I know, but we might risk the planet by doing this. I can't do this knowing that the planet might suffer.”

“Didn't you say that demon was gonna hibernate or somethin'?”

“He did offer to if I should free him, but can we really trust him to do it, I wonder?”

He huffed. “Well, ask him then! What's he got to say for himself?”

Suddenly Vincent realized that Chaos had been very quiet all through the day. Despite the preparations, Chaos had had nothing to say. Reaching out to the demon in his mind, he found he could barely touch him. _If you ever want out, you are going to have to help us, you know. Where are you?_ Turning to his friends, he shook his head. “He isn't saying anything and I can barely reach him. It might be better if I try without so many people around.”

“Go ahead, Vince. We'll see what we can do here.”

Vincent retreated to one of the inner rooms, finding a nearby chair and sitting down wearily. He quickly noticed that he had needed to sit down for hours. Without warning, Chaos spoke. **It is about time you rested. Haven't you had enough of this?**

Chuckling, he analyzed the emotions that came through the link, the complexity of them surprising him a little.  _ And where have you been all day? You have been doing all of my resting for me? _ A light flow of confusion and hesitation flowed out at him, dampening his humor.  _ What is wrong? _

**You, that is what. I do not understand anymore. I can't comprehend what you have been doing.**

_What I have been doing? I've been trying to do what we have wanted to do this whole time. We are trying to free you, to free Lucrecia, remember?_

**What have you been doing with that woman?**

Slowly he understood. Chaos was perpetually with him, even when... oh.  _ I'm not going to apologize for anything. _

** Your power is different from mine, ** Chaos quietly grumbled,  ** but it is just as strong. **

He chose to not respond to that admission, allowing it to sink in for both of them.  _ Are you going to help, then? Can you tell me about the protomateria? _

**You know no more than I. It inhibits me, and without it I am uninhibited. I have been truthful with you because this concerns both of us, and I meant it when I said that with a clear lifestream I would have no need to be feared. Without the influence of the darkness, I will simply exist.**

_So the planet would not be in danger. What about me? What about Lucrecia?_

**She will die, I am sure. Even without Jenova, she was already dead. She only exists now because of Jenova. Without it, she will die immediately. As for you, I am not sure. You did not have Jenova and lived because I was there. I don't know what will happen to you. If you do live, you will be mortal again.**

Sighing, he pulled together his resolve. Now that it was all there in front of him, he felt something he hadn't felt in a long time. Fear of death.  _ That's how it will happen, then. I'll find a way to come back. I have too much to live for now. _ He rose, going back out into the meeting room to meet with the others again. Cid gave him a curious glance and he answered the unspoken question. “The planet will be in no danger if we do this. If we clean the lifestream, Chaos will have no reason to strike out. We won't need to worry about the protomateria.”

Cid grunted, expecting as much. “Hmm, that makes this easier then. How 'bout Lucrecia?”

“She was already dead. Without Jenova, she will die instantly.”

“Can't avoid it, I guess.” He sighed, looking over everything one last time. “You really wanna do this?”

“I have to. It's the only way we can set things right.”

 

* * *

Outside the entrance to the Crystal Cave, everyone prepared for the possibility of battle. Weapons were checked, ammunition loaded and armor equipped. Tifa was always ready, her weapons of choice always with her, but now she mock sparred against her shadow, turning only when she felt someone approach from behind. Grinning, she turned to kick out at her visitor, watching as Vincent ducked under her kick expertly. “Not bad, looks like you haven't gotten soft over the years!” Smirking at his put off expression, she took in his appearance. Gone was the person she had known the night before, replaced by the cold warrior hidden within.

Vincent backed away, not quite trusting her not to kick at him again. He dodged another punch, chuckling lightly as he evaded her every move. “Maybe you are the one that has grown soft if you can't even land a hit on me.”

“Oh! That does it!” She launched hits at him seriously now, their play turning into a full spar. They traded blows fluidly, neither of them able to gain an upper hand. Vincent was strong, but he was primarily a long range fighter and was at a disadvantage. He was better at magic, though, and had an ability to seemingly fade away from the occasional blow, twisting away in a furl of his cloak. They had become so absorbed in the fight that Cid's sudden yell caught them off guard, distracting Vincent for just a brief enough moment for Tifa to land a hard punch to his jaw. Suddenly realizing what had just happened, she ran toward where she had launched him several feet away. “Vincent! Oh no are you alright? I didn't expect that to actually hit you!”

He held his jaw painfully, stretching it to try and loosen the muscles. Wiping away a trail of blood dribbling from his cut lip, he rose to his feet slowly. “Never mind, you are still as sharp as always.” Shaking out the last of his shock, he suddenly realized he was bleeding. “I don't suppose you have restore...”

Rolling her eyes, she huffed as she came up to look at the wound, materia in her bracelet glowing green. She wasn't the best healer among them but she kept the materia on for emergencies and minor healing. “Sorry about that. Let's go see what Cid wants.” Their pilot had somehow managed to take on the role of unofficial leader, gathering them all into a cohesive team. He was now shouting orders, all of them scrambling to enter the cave. Following after, she and Vincent raced past Cid as he hollered at them.

“Come on you two this ain't a picnic! Get yer asses in there and move! I don't have all damn day!”

Everyone made haste into the back of the cave, fighting the odd monster that came their way. It made for a good distraction from what could possibly come about from this, but as they ran, Vincent couldn't help but turn to her and comment on it. “I'm amazed that everyone really came to help.”

Tifa spared him enough of a glance to grin. “We're all your friends. We will always help when you are in need!”

He nodded appreciatively, turning his focus to the path ahead as they kept up the fast pace. All too soon they came to the rear chamber, looking on in amazement at the immense crystal that held Lucrecia captive. Blue and white light pulsed through the facets of crystal all around, fragmented light twinkling on the walls. Barret moved forward to survey how the top and bottom narrowed, brows furrowing as he took it in. He pointed to a twisted section of the bottom. “There, see that? Yeah, looks like it's not the same all 'round. Bet we could work through the small parts where it's narrow, maybe weaken it while we try and cut through.”

Before he could go any further, a white mist surrounded them, surging seemingly out of nowhere as a tired voice addressed all of them. “How many times must I discourage this?” Lucrecia's ghostlike aspect suddenly appeared, lighting up as all of them watched on cautiously. “I already told you that it should not be done. Don't move me from here. Leave me to guard Jenova. It is all I can do to make up for what I have done.”

Vincent slowly moved forward, nervous in the face of what they intended to do. “You have suffered for long enough. I have come to free you.” Ignoring her apparition, he looked at where her real body watched him with weary eyes. “You don't need to be a prisoner any more than I do. We have a way to get you out, but you have to allow us. I can't... I can't save you. I never could. We can free you, but without Jenova, you would die. With Jenova still alive inside of you, those once affected by it are still affected.”

Her gaze grew distant, her aspect withdrawing as pain clearly showed on her face. “Is that true? Is Jenova affecting them even now?”

To Vincent's surprise, Cloud came up next to him, facing Lucrecia with a clear expression that he had never seen on the blond before. “All this time I thought it was Sephiroth manipulating me, but now it looks like it really was Jenova all along again. Even now I can feel it in my head. I was feeling the same thing he felt ever since he could understand words.”

Withdrawing even farther, her tone grew genuinely mournful. “My son... oh, my son. Above all else, what I unwillingly did to him I regret the most. He wasn't even born, and yet he was given this thing that adults had died or gone mad from. I didn't know if I would give birth to a child or a monster, and here we are again, caught in Jenova's heartless game. I don't know how much longer I can bear it.”

“I don't know either, to be honest,” Cloud admitted. “Sephiroth showed me the truth, what Jenova really did to him from the inside. I don't want to be Jenova's pawn anymore, and I know nobody else would either.”

Vincent nodded, feeding off of this plain truth. “We have discovered a method of slowly breaking the crystal, and we have come up with a theory that if we break it down just enough, we might be able to free you into the lifestream where the planet could break the rest of it down. By that point you may be too deep for Jenova to immediately rise, and we could then try to purify it within the lifestream.”

She looked down at him blankly, not wanting to believe it could really be possible. “The seal is too strong for me to break. How can you break it enough to even get me down?”

“We have been working all this time on a solution.” He gestured to his friends behind him, inviting them closer. “Barret and Yuffie worked together to make a materia powered drill using fragments of crystal we found in this cave.” Ignoring Barret grumbling about something that sounded like chocobos and greens, he continued. “Shera worked the hardest of all of us, taking a great deal of time investigating the crystal and how it reacted to outside sources. We firmly believe we can release you.”

“If you do that, I will die once and for all, you know.”

“I... yes. I know. I don't want to be part of this again, I don't want to bring about your death another time. It was hard enough to watch the first time when I couldn't do anything. Maybe even now I can't do anything more than to free you from this prison, but it is all I can offer you.”

The mist suddenly curled, moving faster as she appeared more optimistic. “Vincent, death would be a release after this. I don't want you to keep blaming yourself for things that weren't your fault. I chose to do this, all of this was something I brought about. Even you. I never told you, in fear that Hojo might do something to you, but you have to know that it wasn't that simple.”

He nodded lightly. “I thought as much. You were always good at hiding things from me.”

“It was all I could do to keep you safe,” she said with a sad frown. “If I hadn't gone along with his demands, he would have killed you, would have killed a lot of others too. He had nearly the whole world under his thumb and it was all I could do to comply and save others from their own deaths.”

“There were others?”

“Yes. Don't look so surprised, if it had been just you I would have found a way. No, there were others he had ready for execution, all to bend me into accepting his plan. If I still hadn't done it, he would have found someone else. I didn't know what else to do.” She turned to face him, her aspect approaching with a torn expression. “It isn't right for me to ask for forgiveness, I only want you to know the truth once and for all. No, you can free me. If you can do it, I will go. Maybe you are right. Maybe I have been here long enough. If I can do this one last thing for people who are still affected by Jenova, I will do it.”

**It is now or never, human. She has agreed. Let it be done.**

With a sigh, Vincent walked up to the crystal, knowing that Chaos was right. “Very well then. It will be done.”

 


	13. Chapter 13

Letting Go – Ch. 13

 

* * *

A loud whirring noise cut through the silence of the cave as the convoluted drill cut through hard rock and crystal. It wasn't much to look at, but it was powerful. As the crystal underneath quickly heated from the friction, Cid handed him up another bucket of water to cool it down. “A'right you two get up here and use that magic.” Barret eased down the ladder they had propped up against the crystal to reach the top first, making way for Cloud and Nanaki to come up next. Vincent worked near the bottom, carefully breaking away smaller crystals with low lightning magic.

Tifa came in then with another bucket full of water from the outer spring, plopping it down with a thud at his feet. Stretching out her back, she surveyed the remaining work with a sigh. “This is going to take a while.”

From her left, Cid grumbled even louder. “These damn heavy buckets don' do much for the back, that's for sure.”

Cloud and Nanaki hopped down, their job done as much as it could be for the moment, going back to helping Vincent with the base as Barret went up to drill again. Hours stretched on but they didn't relent, simply taking rest breaks as needed and going back to work. Yuffie finally stepped back from where she was surveying the narrowed supports at the top and bottom, shouting to all of them loudly. “Hey, stop! It looks like it's about ready to break!”

“Let's get the supports on!” Barret yelled over the drone of his drill, giving the thinned rock one last glance. It looked just about right, but it would need a bit more work. “Hand em up would ya?”

Cid tossed up several wide bands of tight-woven heavy duty straps. They were the sort that were used to secure large items during long flights or sailing trips, and he hoped nothing would cut it. The others had taken extra time to eliminate as many jagged edges from the main crystal as possible, but he wanted to make sure that everything looked alright. Large metal clips came out next as they wove the straps into a sort of net, circling the span of the giant crystal. It was then that Cid realized he hadn't really thought of where they were taking her. “Uh, hey guys, I know this is kinda silly but where the hell are we taking her to?”

Straightening from his crouch, Vincent looked at the crystal approvingly before looking at Cid. “It would have to be a place where the lifestream wells up and mako is gathered, though I would hesitate to take her to Mideel where people still live. It's too large to put in the crack in this cave or in the rift near Corel.”

Cloud hopped down from his own position atop the crystal, grimacing. “Well you know what that means. We might have to take her to the North Crater.”

“It's about all I can think of that would work. There would be no bystanders in danger, it is remote enough not to cause damage to the local environment if there is a battle, and we have survived far worse than the monsters in that crater.”

Tifa, having just come in with yet another bucket, dropped the heavy thing and looked at the three of them with a smirk. “Well we made it this far, we're not going to give up now!”

Chuckling at her, Cid nodded. “Yeah, not after all these damn buckets we hauled! I'm not gonna let ya undo all my hard work! If we gotta go into that fucking crater, we're goin' and I'm dragging y'all with me!”

They separated as each went about their tasks but when Tifa noticed that Vincent lingered where he was, she went to his side, watching him thoughtfully. “What's the matter?”

He shook his head lightly, bangs falling into his eyes. “Nothing. It's really happening.”

Sparing a glance at a few of them tightening the supports, she nodded. “Yeah. Don't worry, Vincent. It will turn out somehow.” She smiled, a hand on his arm gently. “I know it will.” Lingering just a little longer than proper, she joined the others who were now preparing to pull at the supports while the others chipped away at the remaining rock. He couldn't help but feel encouraged by her enthusiasm, though it dropped a little when he saw Cloud watching him cautiously. Ignoring the pointed look, he went about his own duty, clearing away the bottom with Yuffie as Nanaki cleared the top.

Cid, Barret, Tifa, Cloud and even Shera lined up at the pull rope, Shera responding to Cid's complaints by saying she hadn't had much of anything to do yet and darn if she wasn't going to help. As they tugged, Yuffie went to help pull, leaving Vincent to focus on breaking the last of his section. He and Nanaki collaborated back and forth as the others yanked on the rope, each clearing away an equal amount so the crystal would free itself evenly.

The sound of rock breaking and straining filled the cavern and Nanaki and Vincent backed away, the latter going to help pull the remaining stretch as the former moved to survey the movement. Not pleased, Nanaki went to the far side, heaving as the others pulled. With one last groan of protest, the crystal fell away at the top, breaking and tipping on its side. Cid moved away to set up two half-trailers he had assembled, yelling to the others as he waved around. “A'right now we got her down we gotta get this thing on wheels! Valentine, you and Shera pull these about under the crystal, we'll get it up on end as far as it can go!”

Tugging at the restraints, the rest of the team lifted one end of the heavy crystal. Though they had broken away as much of the outside as they deemed safe, it was still large and weighty. It was a struggle, but they lifted it enough to get both ends onto each of the sturdy wheeled braces. Dusting off his hands on his trousers, Barret heaved back with a sigh. “Damn but ya know we're all gonna feel this tomorrow!”

Tifa, grabbing at a tug rope, rolled her eyes at him as she yanked. “Come on Barret, I thought you liked the good old feeling of a hard day's work! Just think of this as having seconds!”

He only huffed an unintelligible response, grabbing his own rope and pulling with the others. Yuffie and Nanaki helped steer from behind as they guided the crystal through the widest tunnels. A couple areas had to be cut to accommodate the wide turns, but Barret's drill easily cut through normal rock like butter. Getting the heavy crystal up the ramp into the airship was another matter, their combined strength tested as they hauled it up into the cargo chamber. The sun had just about set as they finally secured the crystal with even more supports into the cargo bay, all of them exhausted as they moved to rest in the airship.

Gold and red sunlight drifted in through the glass of the control room as each person piled in with varying destinations. Cid and Yuffie fought over first shower, Nanaki flopped down on the nearest pile of cushions, and soon Cloud slid into a nearby armchair. A friendly spat broke out as Barret joined Cid and Yuffie, those resting on the couches watching on with mild interest. Vincent retreated to his usual spot, watching the world below from the rail near the outer windows. He watched the clouds scudding by their odd sort of campsite, the spring flowing down and crashing over the rocks. So peaceful, and yet he couldn't shake his anxiety.

Tifa poured herself a cool glass of water from the tank, watching the others as she poured a second glass. Taking both of them with her as she walked to Vincent's side, she handed him one of the glasses, minding the slippery condensation on the cool surface. He took it with a grateful nod, drinking the cold liquid as she spoke. “I'm surprised it was so easy.”

Vincent hummed a light response, pondering an answer slowly. “True. The hard part will come after, though. Anything could happen.”

“That's the risk, but sometimes you just have to have faith.” Her posture was strong, eyes blazing as she faced the outer world fearlessly. Now, more so than in years, he was beginning to see the determined fighter he had known so long ago rise up from the misguided ashes. He could only wonder if he, too, had recalled more than a scrap of his old self. It was something he was only beginning to understand.

“There was a time that I didn't put much faith in anything. All I could rely on was the gun in my hands. It's different, having something else to rely on.”

She turned to him, giving him a significant look. “It is, isn't it? When you think that all you have to rely on is yourself, you suddenly find that there are other things you can trust.” This time they both caught Cloud watching them from his chair in the corner of the lounge, his brow furrowed curiously and hand under his chin in thought. Tifa looked back at Vincent, seeing that they had the same thought. “I think I'll rest here a bit longer. You should probably get a shower while the others are distracted by fighting over it.” She managed a small laugh at the battle still going on, the fight degrading into a losing battle of rock paper scissors.

Tilting his head in agreement, he stealthily slipped behind the battling trio, all of them groaning in dismay as they heard the door shut behind them. In the distraction, Tifa came over to one of the other couches, Nanaki already fast asleep on the cushions on the floor. Stretching out on the long leather sofa, she waited for Cloud to say his piece. He waited only a moment before talking quietly under the din of all the noise. “Did I miss something?”

She couldn't help the twinge of bitterness that leaked into her voice. “You missed a lot of things.”

With a slight wince, he merely nodded. “I know. I can't go back and do it over, but I don't want to do it anymore. I'm really trying, you know?”

“I know, I know,” she said, waving off his apologies. “I guess you have a lot of questions.”

“Yeah.” Sighing, he leaned deeper into the soft chair. “Are you... with him?”

Meeting his gaze unrepentantly, she nodded. “Yes.”

It was silent between them for a long moment, Cloud contemplating her admission in his own brooding way as she waited patiently. Now it made sense why she had been the way she had been, how she had subtly changed over this past month and a half. While he had been away on his own self serving adventures, another man had come by offering the support and care that he himself had denied her. All the times Cid had told him to man up and take responsibility, all the times he had shied away from the things that could have helped him because he didn't deserve them, all of it came together. The fact was always that he had never done anything to keep what he didn't even deserve. “I'm... really glad for you, Tifa. I wasn't there to help you when you really needed it. I was too messed up with my problems to see that other people have them too. I guess I was worried that he might not take care of you like you should be, but I guess I can't say much on that end.”

To his surprise, she laughed, pulling her knees up to her chin. “You know how I used to say that I wanted someone to come and rescue me and save me when I was in danger? I said a lot of stupid, naïve things as a child, but that one really stuck with me. The more it never happened, the dumber I felt. But you know, I realized that sometimes the one who comes to save you might need saving himself.” She smiled, reflecting on those oddly insightful moments she had had during the past nights. “Sometimes you have to save each other.”

Cloud looked at her thoughtfully. “That's why it never worked. I could never let you save me.”

“No,” she admitted. “You couldn't let anyone save you, not even Aerith. You were a different kind of person. We're both different people now, too. Now we just have to learn who we have become, right?”

He chuckled. “You sound like him.”

A small smile spread across her features. “I guess I do, huh? It's true, though. I have to remember who I am, and I'll be glad to be friends with who Cloud is.” Peering over the back of the couch as she heard the washroom doors open, she made to sneak into the showers before the others realized that Vincent was finished. “Wish me luck, if I don't make it now I never will! I don't know which one of them is worse!” Vaulting over the back of the couch in a practiced twist, she launched herself in the direction of the shower – hitting face-first into the heavy door as it slammed. Cursing her luck, she shrugged at Cloud across the room and gave up. Maybe she could get in later when it wasn't so high in demand.

Retreating back into the inner rooms, she made her way down the hall and towards a smaller bathroom that didn't have showers. As she made to go in to at least wash her hands, she nearly ran into a very shirtless and very still-wet Vincent. Mumbling an apology she moved aside, but she couldn't help herself as she watched an escaping water droplet make a trail down his collarbone. Choosing to ignore her very obvious distraction, Vincent merely stepped aside, brow raised with amusement. “It's all free if you want it.”

Blinking at what could have been a double entendre, she slipped into the bathroom, blushing furiously as she shut the door behind her. She flicked on the light as she fought down every last thought in her mind, trying hard to focus on the task at hand. A set of wooden drawers stood next to the vanity and she fumbled around inside for a spare bottle of shampoo. Washing her hair in the sink wasn't exactly her idea of bathing, but she was neither the first nor the last to do so. At least it was a big utility style sink, though that meant that it was used for more than just washing up. Settling for what she could get, she turned on the water and began to wash her hands.

She sighed as she let the warm water run over her dipped head, trying to dispel the urge to just go sleep. Maybe in the morning she could get that warm shower when she would definitely wake up with sore muscles everywhere. Letting everything flow away like the lather under the sink, she washed her hair vigorously, pausing only when she heard soft footsteps go down the back metal staircase. Few of them used the back stairwells so it had her curious, and she washed the last of the shampoo from her hair, drying out enough to not drip as she crept back into the hallway. A faint light glowed from the lower floor, lighting the path as she made her way down just enough to peer below.

Down in the cargo bay, she spotted Vincent glancing thoughtfully at the crystal that held Lucrecia. He was clearly dressed for bed, wearing his usual dark sweats, but something seemed to have intrigued him long enough for him to return here. His soft steps barely resounded in the echoing hall, pacing as he circled the crystal, brows furrowed but posture relaxed. Touching the crystal almost reverently, Tifa couldn't help the slight twinge of jealousy that crept through her mind as she watched. Shaking it off, frustrated with her more immature side, she decided not to come to any conclusions just yet.

Vincent took out a tablet of notes from a side table, jotting down something he had obviously just noticed, and she again chided her silly notions. Smiling as she came out of hiding, she walked over to his side where he was once again touching the top of the crystal. When he noticed her there, he nodded at it briefly. “Look, this isn't quite right.” He tapped part of the surface that was starting to crack, something that looked like it had happened after loading.

Checking the crack, she quickly saw what had caught his interest. There were several cracks, and they looked larger than the fine web of cracks she had seen earlier. Now she saw what had bothered him about it. “Ah, they're getting wider! How long do you suppose it will be before it cracks completely?”

“I don't know,” he said with a rueful shake of his head. “Going off of how it looked when she first came in here, it could be a matter of hours.”

“Did you tell Cid?”

“I told him I was going to check on her because I was curious, but I had better tell him my findings. It should hold until we reach the North Crater, but we should have the airship on autopilot to the northern continent overnight.”

Running a finger over a particularly wide crack, she frowned. “How big was this one before?”

He held his thumb over it to measure, humming thoughtfully. “Well, this was the largest beforehand, and it has not grown overmuch. The cracks that were hairline are now large enough to put a hairpin in, but it should last the night.”

“Still doesn't look that great.” Frowning, she brushed back her wet hair nervously. “What if it breaks?”

“If that should happen, we should be ready to release her into the crater. If we begin now, the autopilot should get us near the crater within a few hours.” Seeing that she was still worried, he put a hand on her shoulder gently. “It can't really happen any other way. All we can do is get it as close to the crater as possible just in case it breaks. I'm not worried, though. The seal is still too strong.”

She gave him a small smile, looking at the crystal nervously, hoping he was right. “I suppose it would have to be to keep Jenova in for this long.” Again touching her damp hair, she shivered at the cold mass, really wishing she had thought to take a towel with her. “If you think it will be alright, I'll go ahead and tell Cid. I'll wait up for you.”

Vincent simply nodded, going back to the notes on measurements he had been taking to add another notation. Taking out an unused pencil, he measured the difference with the blunt end and his fingernail, marking every last change down. As he measured the ones near the top, his focus shifted when Lucrecia's eyes shot open, watching him curiously. Though she couldn't speak as well now that she was taken from her host of crystals, he could still read the question in her eyes. He had always been good at the questions, just never the answers. “I know you will do what you can to ward off Jenova as long as possible.”

The air thickened as she summoned what little power she could in her state, her voice coming in the slightest whisper. “I can't control it anyway. It is as strong as it has ever been. It is I that fades.”

Stopping in his work, frowning slightly, he watched her with concern. “If it is too much of a struggle, maybe I should leave you to rest.”

“Rest?” Something like a laugh came out in the tone of her voice. “Not yet.” Though she could scarcely open her eyes, he could see the small hope lingering in them. “What have you been doing all of these years that has turned you into such an optimist?”

With a slight chuckle he turned back to his work as he spoke, musing over all that had happened lately. “I... think I simply learned there are more things at play than just myself in all of this. I learned how stupidly selfish I was being in thinking I was at fault for everything that had been set into place.” To his surprise, he laughed. It was a small but genuine laugh, catching both of them off guard. “I learned that I can beat myself up over everything as much as I wish but it can't change the fact that I can't change yesterday. I can only change today.”

She was watching him with a strange look, torn between surprise and contentment. “Maybe you're right.” Her voice faded, pausing for a moment before coming back. “I haven't heard you sound like this in many years.”

“Many things have happened,” he said with a sigh, crunching a few numbers on his notepad.

“So who is she?”

Blinking, he looked down at her. “What?”

“The woman who was here a moment ago. She has a strength about her.”

“Tifa is an accomplished martial artist.” He laid a clean sheet of paper over a jagged crack, taking a rubbing of it with the sideways sweep of his pencil.

Her pause this time was more significant. “I hope you take care of her.”

Smiling just a little at her ever perceptive nature, he simply nodded. “I have been. I will.” Musing over his thoughts, he couldn't control how his smile widened slightly. “All I wanted to do was help them. It was so strange when I got their help in return. I think I have finally learned what this is all about.”

“What?”

“Having real friends.”

She forced her own sort of smile, the crinkle in her eyes barely visible. “I only wish I could know them too. I'm glad you have such good people looking out for you.” Her whisper faded again, barely coming back. “If you are done, go see to them. I will be alright.”

Looking back for only a moment, he took his notes along and began shutting off the lights. “Thank you, Lucrecia.” One by one the lights flickered out, drenching the cargo bay in darkness. The crystal still glowed with its own light and he found the way back to the staircase by it, tiredly making his way up the stairs. He was honestly exhausted, though sleep would never come. Heading to Tifa's room, knowing she was waiting, he entered quietly, simply intent on telling her everything was alright.

What he found was a bit of a mess, boxes from her closet tossed in every direction as she searched for something in the back. She suddenly laughed in triumph, pulling out a small box from the mess. “Aha, I found it.” Turning around, she noticed her visitor, and she had enough sense to look a little sheepish at the calamity he found her in the midst of.

“What... is all of this?”

She handed him the small box. “Just a little something for the next time Yuffie decides she needs a whole half hour shower!”

Taking a peek inside, he took out a small rubber spider. “You are cruel, you know.”

Her laugh was invigorating, lifting spirits as she moved back all the boxes from her bed into the closet. “Yeah well I owe her by now! So is everything alright?”

“The cracks haven't gotten much larger from what I can tell and the seal holds, so it should easily be sustained until morning.” Catching a different drift from her question, now enhanced by her subtle glance, he read her clearly. “It's alright.”

“Good.” Clearing the last box on the bed away, she turned aside, lost in her thoughts. “I'm sorry, Vincent, I just... for so long I played second best to a dead woman. I can't... I don't know.”

He came up behind her, hands on her shoulders reassuringly. “I know.” Feeling her relax under his touch, he turned her around to look her in the eye. “But you can't be second best when there was never really a first.” He drew her closer and kissed her brow, leaning so he could rest his chin on top of her head. “I also won't again play second to a man who can't appreciate what he has.”

She had to chuckle at that thought, thinking about all of her old, silly, misguided feelings in the past. “You can't really play second to what wasn't there to begin with.” Taking a deep breath, she looked up into those crimson eyes, smiling at their shared insecurities. “I don't know why I'm being so weird about this.”

Brushing her cheek lightly with his hand, his claw lightly brushing her back, he shook his head. “You have had a great deal taken from you, it is only natural to have doubts.” His breath feathered over her neck, warm as he came closer. “All I can do is promise that I am here for you.”

“But for how long?”

He drew back to look at her, knowing this question had to come eventually. There was still the risk that he could die if Chaos was removed. “I will find a way to come out of this. We don't yet know what will happen and even if I can't remove Chaos, I will stay with you until the end.”

“I know we'll think of something.” She knew she was reassuring herself more than him, but she needed to believe in it. Moving back slightly, she grabbed his hand, not noticing that she had grabbed the left one. “Stay with me tonight?”

Slowly interlocking their fingers together, he nodded. “Tonight, and any other night we may have.”

 

* * *

A pale blue sky hung around the Northern Crater, icy in its perpetually cold climate and wan in the winter light. The airship lowered into the depths, navigating the treacherous rocky pit with all the skill that Cid could muster. Turbines whirred and people yelled as they hovered lower and lower into the depths of the crater. Near the gaping hole in the planet where the lifestream flowed freely, they landed the airship on a narrow ledge of rock, the escarpment just wide enough to put down landing equipment and unload the crystal. It took several minutes of strain from their already sore muscles to work the crystal down into the light of outside but they managed to get it close enough for a final inspection.

During the night, the cracks in the crystal had indeed gotten wider, though they were not quite close to breaking just yet. Ahead in the crater, they recognized the part that had been blown away during the explosion of the lifestream, flat and circling the inner ring. Surveying the terrain, Cid tilted his head thoughtfully. “Well how the hell are we gonna do this? It was bad enough getting her outta that cave, how are we gonna get down there?”

Yuffie pointed at a small cavern. “Hey, didn't that tunnel go down below?”

“If I remember right it went down a bunch of spots we had to jump down. Can't go that way.”

From his right, Barret groaned. “We'll jes' have to take it the hard way. Unless ya want to lower it down with the airship.”

Cid clapped his friend roughly on the shoulder. “That's what I like about ya! Sarcasm bringing ideas! Yeah, how about I go up there and lower it in from above?”

“What?” Yuffie whined. “You mean we have to get it back in the airship?”

“Ah come on, after all your chocobo wrestling you should be tough as an ox! Quit yer damn whining and help me tie this thing up!”

All of them once again shoved the crystal back up the ramp, taking it inside and this time moving it near the drop-down doors in the center of the cargo bay. Several thick ropes were rigged to the supporting web of straps, clipped tight against the weight. The crystal was heavier than it looked, extremely dense and hard. Two heavily braided ropes were attached to the pulleys inside the bay, one at each side of the opening. Soon everything was set into place, though there was just one question left.

“Who all's gonna go down?” Cid asked.

Nanaki came forward, looking at Shera thoughtfully. “Shera and I can stay aboard. She can guide the airship almost as well as you can now, and I can be here to make sure there is an even balance in the ropes as we lower in the crystal, as well as be there in case anything should come aboard the ship.”

Cid eyed his usually adventurous wife oddly. “You don't wanna try and do somethin' crazy?”

Only somewhat flustered, Shera managed to wave him off lightly. “Someone has to be up there, and I'm not a fighter like the rest of you. I'll be doing plenty of crazy trying to fly this airship where it needs to go!”

“You better not break anything, Shera, or I swear on my daddy's grave-!”

“Yes, yes, I know! You'll hang me by my heels from the deck and dangle me over a pack of wolves.”

“Yeah, that's ri- no! Damn it Shera just don't screw it up! Everyone get in the damn ship and come over here! I got somethin' we should use.” He led all of them to a side room where he kept the communicators he had made for everyone, inspecting them all as he handed them out. “Alright, just get these wherever you want em and turn them on. Red, Valentine, you still got yours? Good. I don't have em all set up for voice commands, but if you just turn em on we can talk through the whole thing. We might have to split up so just make sure you don't go too far underground alright? It worked in that cave before but I dunno how deep it can get before it doesn't work.”

Yuffie took hers, grinning at Cid as she put it around her neck. “Hey this looks pretty handy! Not bad, old man!”

He wheeled on her quickly. “Who are you calling an old man? Huh?”

Barret separated the two with a long-suffering sigh. “A'right you two cut it out. We'll have time for that crap later. Let's get this show on the road before the crystal breaks and does that for us!”

Splitting into their teams, Shera and Nanaki stayed aboard the ship, flying carefully towards the center of the crater. Once in place, Nanaki shoved the crystal gently, the wheels under the makeshift dolly moving unsteadily in flight. He pushed the buttons on the automated pulleys, centering the crystal as best as he could in the middle of the lower doors. “Ready!” The doors opened to the crater below and now he pushed another button, pulling a lever to begin lowering it. Every so often he corrected the angle, keeping it steady as Shera hovered the ship carefully.

Cloud, watching the descent of the crystal, covered his eyes against the glare of the sun, humming appreciatively. “This might just work” Suddenly his heart thudded in his chest, a cold sweat breaking over his forehead. Recognizing this familiar feeling, he mentally prepared himself for what was coming. _Alright, Sephiroth, what is it this time?_

_**I can hear it. Can't you?** _

Straining to listen, Cloud could indeed hear the faintest whispers of Jenova. _Yeah, I can, though I don't know what it's saying._

_**It is seeking me, I know. It wants to use me again as it once did, but I am long gone. Be cautious; it has many tricks besides just me.** _

Nodding, he turned to the others, who had been watching him warily. “I'm alright. We'll need to be careful, Jenova is awake. It knows what we are trying to do now.”

Vincent turned to him, eyes blazing with worry. “I thought as much. Even in such a small amount, it is still just as powerful.”

“Should we keep going?”

He nodded resolutely. “Whatever happens, we will face it. Jenova must be purged once and for all.”

Next to him, Yuffie piped in. “You know, we're kinda saving the world again, aren't we?”

Glancing at the ninja, Vincent quirked a brow at her. “I suppose we are.”

The crystal lowered little by little, and soon it was nearly in the lifestream. Pausing a moment so everyone could get their bearings, Nanaki's voice came out over the communicator. “I'm ready when all of you are, get as close as you can just in case!”

As they came near, though, Cloud paused again, listening to the voices as he neared the crystal. It was a jumbled mess, several whispers overlaying each other, but he felt the surge in his veins just as surely as any other time. When they all came as close as they dared, Cloud held out his hand. “Wait. I think Sephiroth is trying to tell me something.” Turning focus inside his mind, he reached out. _What's going on? Should we be doing this?_

_**I can't think of any other solution, but I can hear it strongly now. Ah, I missed that voice, this old comfort. Yes, I missed you. I am what I should be, even dead as I am. I am here.** _

Cloud suddenly broke into his senses, shouting into the communicator. “Red, drop it! Drop it now!”

Ropes suddenly went slack, the crystal plummeting the rest of the way as Nanaki quickly let it loose. It landed with a loud splash as bare lifestream flowed in every direction, their party barely moving away just in time. Right as it hit, the crystal suddenly burst apart, torn asunder by Jenova as it sought the familiarity of the crater, as it sought Sephiroth. Cid shouted loudly over the chaos. “Everyone get back! Jenova's gonna come outta there!”

Cloud came up beside him, shaking his head. “Worse, Jenova is going to use Sephiroth again!”

“Shit!” They ran for the outer edge of the crater, watching in horror as Jenova warped Lucrecia's body into an unidentifiable monster. The creature pulsed and twisted, splitting into a writhing mass as it shifted. Long silver hair shone in the pale light as Sephiroth formed from the mass, a great black wing stretching from his form as he rose. Hands raised towards the heavens, a green light glowed in his reach, extending to blind the onlookers in a sea of light. His blue mako eyes glowed, long sword seeming to form from nothing as he turned to face them. He smiled, though all they could see in it was a malicious glee.

“I am whole, I will never be just a faint thought to be tossed aside! You can never comprehend how much strength comes from my suffering.” Black feathers flew as he disappeared, twisting in midair to reappear before their group, sword slashing out a blue ray of cutting wind. Before they could react, he spun again, shifting the air around in a tornado, hitting them with the slicing air. Yuffie's shuriken cut through the wind, barely missing and slicing off the barest hair from his forehead, Tifa's punches following straight after. She pulled her ultimate combination, final heaven, each hit connecting with deadly precision. Barret followed her hits with his Ungarmax, unleashing hit after hit of bullets towards Sephiroth's quickly evading form.

Without even the barest visible effort, Sephiroth launched several more blue slices in their direction, cutting deep onto the outlying rock like butter. Dodging as best as they could, each evaded the compressed air, some escaping with scratches. Nanaki watched from above, quickly turning tail and running up the stairs to the control room. He quickly came to Shera, tail shaking with fear. “We have to get the airship out of here, quickly!” Taking instructions from the woman, he pressed buttons and pulled at levers as best as his paws could allow, jets coming out from the compartments in the airship to launch them out of harm's way. It was well timed as Sephiroth's slashes flew through the air, barely missing where they had just been.

Nanaki wasn't about to be put out of the fight, and he and Shera shared a grin. “This should turn the tide of battle.” On Cid's command over the communicator, he oriented the targeted rockets, launching them with a quick slam of a lever. The guided missiles were hard pressed to keep up with Sephiroth's speed, plummeting along as they followed. Some connected, exploding in a flash of light as they inhibited his line of sight. Yuffie followed the distraction tactic fluidly, unleashing all of her power as she flew forth, using her doom of the living limit to land blow after blow as Sephiroth tried to locate a target. As her last blow struck he saw her, flinging her aside with a swipe of his arm as he winged to the ground, headed straight for Cloud.

Angling his wide sword to meet Sephiroth's charge, Cloud met him on even ground, trading blow for blow as the others regained their bearings. Vincent flitted from one outcropping of rock to another, dodging the blade beams that flew through the crater, the ground unsteady under his feet. He quickly landed outside the main area of the fight, reaching out to Chaos. _If ever there was a time to use you, this would be it. Let us finish this._ Chaos readily agreed, and he allowed his form to fall away as dark wings burst from his back, fangs and claws bared against their mutual foe. Vincent took flight, watching Cloud's progress as he gauged when to strike.

From a distance, Barret and Yuffie unleashed their long-range attacks, though all of them were distracted as monsters of every type flung themselves out of the caverns and towards the fighters. Now the battle had poor odds, warding off the creatures of the crater as they tried to ward off Sephiroth. Missiles from the airship took out most of the attacking monsters, and a dusting of stars fell from the sky as Nanaki used stardust ray to eliminate as many of them as he could. Cloud let out a string of attacks ending with omnislash as he charged, a determined look on his face as he sought to end Jenova's reign once and for all.

Vincent caught Sephiroth as Cloud's attacks threw him into the air, his own dark wings furled as he clung to Sephiroth in a death grip. Wind soared past their faces as they fell, careening toward the rocky ground at a dangerous pace. Sephiroth managed to break free with a burst of ice magic, catching Chaos off guard just long enough to toss himself aside. He landed in a burst of dark feathers, wind pushing around his form as he muffled his fall. Eyes narrowing at the strength of the team he faced, he couldn't help the smile that graced his lips. Finally he met foes worthy of fighting.

Just as he was about to counter their attacks, he faltered, a searing jolt of pain bursting through his mind. Clutching at his head, he retreated long enough to investigate what had happened. _Strange, must have been that fall._ He evaded the long range attacks, surveying his new situation with calm analysis. The pain surged again with a vengeance, piercing hard enough to make him stagger. _What the hell is this?_

_**Sephiroth... ah, my poor child. Don't do this. Please don't do this.** _

Shaking his head, he laughed to himself. This voice sounded familiar and yet not, the calm tone soothing but lacking confidence. _Mother?_ No, it wasn't her. Jenova wouldn't say such things. She rejoiced in the path of destruction he carved. _Watch, Mother, as I destroy these pathetic creatures. Only then will they see what their fate should have been all along. I will finish what was started when you came to this planet so many ages ago._

Sephiroth charged again, facing each blow with fluid precision, their numbers against him not hindering his speed and skill. When the pain came again even stronger than before, though, he retreated again in a surge of dark energy, clutching at his brow as he leaned against an outcropping of rock. _What is this? Are you doing this to me?_

He could feel Jenova and the other presence battling in his mind, not sure which was speaking to him. The foreign voice grew louder, drowning out Jenova's whispers. _**Jenova is not your mother! You are my son!** _ Jenova's voice still broke through, muttering soft encouragements even as the unknown voice yelled with all her strength. **_You were not simply created, you were born! I carried you even as Jenova tore at my womb, I spoke to you when Hojo was not around to hear it, I prayed for you every day that I was alive. This demon is not your mother!_ **

Knees buckling, he fell to the ground, struggling with the war inside his head. _What the hell... who are you? Who are you to claim that you bore me, that you were my true mother? I was born of Jenova, her cells were in me every day of my being. How can you be anything to me?_ Sweat trickled down his brow as he shoved the strange influence from him, seeing that his opponents had noticed his hesitation. Cloud charged at him again, sword blazing as Cid followed behind with his Venus Gospel ready to tear into him as well. Chaos lingered above, and after a moment his voice came out over the communicator.

“ **Something is amiss. He is not alone in his mind.** ”

Cid and Cloud saw this as an opportunity, fighting Sephiroth during the welcome distraction. Tifa soon followed their combination of slices, leaping onto Cid's spear as he flung her toward Sephiroth's retreating form. Her hit connected, dragging him down into the ground as she kicked off of his chest, turning with an agile grace to meet him. Yuffie took up on the angle, lashing out with hit after hit from her shuriken and launching him with a kick towards Cloud.

In a burst of light, Sephiroth let out an explosion of fire magic, disappearing in the cloud of dust that rose, winging his way back into the air. Chaos was waiting for him, however, and the beast retracted his wings and let out a series of air slices through the air before flying down to grapple with his bare claws. Sephiroth's black wing enveloped him, falling away from Chaos as he dove to the ground, flashing away again as he cast a series of small comets towards the party. His heart suddenly lurched, breath coming hard and fast as that voice again shot through him.

_**Please, my son, don't do this. I am your mother and I will always love you, but this is not what I would want for you. You were a product of Hojo's twisted designs, it is true, but had I had the choice, you would have never had this life. I hope that you can forgive me.** _

He grimaced, jaw clenching as he fought her. _Who... who are you?!_

 _**I will show you.** _ Images cut into his mind, seen from the eyes of the stranger whose body he now inhabited. **_You and I shared my body once before, as you grew in the womb._ ** He saw a mirror, reflecting a woman with sandy brown hair, brown eyes and a calm but suffering expression, caressing her swelling abdomen ruefully. Hojo lingered behind her, catching her expression in the mirror, lips curling proudly. All she had to offer him was a disgusted glare. _**I was used, I was experimented on, yet I loved you. Even when I heard what you had become, I loved you. Whether you succeeded or failed, I was still there praying for you.** _

By now he had fallen to his hands and knees, his sheer willpower keeping him from writhing on the ground in agony. Somehow, he knew it was true. Memories could not be altered, could not lie. The truth hit him hard, and he cried out in anguish. “Can't be... just can't. How? How could it have been that way?”

Cloud made to charge at Sephiroth but Chaos held out a claw, landing beside the blond lightly. He shook his head. “ **Lucrecia is warring with him now. Let's not interfere until we know how the battle will turn.** ”

Sephiroth was now visibly struggling harder, his single wing flexing at a painful angle as he felt Jenova trying to wrench back control. Relief broke through as the struggle finally shifted, Lucrecia's memories flooding past his thoughts as she overpowered Jenova's influence. Everything came over him in a flurry of images, every moment of his very early life and her coercion by Hojo overcoming Jenova's steadily decreasing murmurs. The madness finally washed away, his eyes clear and free of confusion for the first time he could remember. Facing the group in a rare lucid moment, he spoke to them quietly. “Is it true that Lucrecia was my real mother?”

Chaos came forward, nodding. “ **It is so. Vincent has witnessed the same himself.** ”

Closing his eyes against the truth, he fought down Jenova long enough to come to a conclusion. “It's true... Then he really did lie to me about everything.” He buckled again, feeling Jenova resurfacing in his mind. “Do as you will. Let it end.” His form flickered as he lost control once again, Jenova using his body as it willed. This time, though, it lacked his focus, his angered determination, and it was clear that without him driving it, Jenova couldn't manage his skills to match those that now attacked him. The battle continued, but now the odds were against Jenova.

Another burst of missiles came from the airship, followed closely by everyone attacking in a practiced tandem. Long and short range attacks, countered by swipes of his sword or deadly magic, all flew by in the minutes that passed. Chaos grabbed Cloud as he swooped closer, taking up on the opening that Tifa was carefully creating with her blows. Cloud saw what the demon was going for, his sword poised as they charged into the small but sure opening. With a loud, sickening crunch of bone, muscle and sinew, his long sword tore straight into Sephiroth's chest. Before he knew it, he stood on the precipice of the lifestream-filled crater, Sephiroth dangling from his sword in an eerie recreation of another time in Nibelheim. This time Cloud was ready, tossing Sephiroth into the crater as the mako filled eyes that faced him watched on approvingly.

“So it is you after all,” Sephiroth choked out, chuckling dryly as he fell into the lifestream. The green waters surged and roiled as he sank, Jenova reeling against the powers of the planet. Nanaki recovered first, his shout coming loud and clear over the communicators.

“Quick, the water from the church! Pour it in so that Jenova is purged!”

Cid drew out the bottle of water he had in his jacket, uncorking it with his teeth before he chucked it in with a laugh of triumph. “Yeah, take that you bitch! Don't show yer damn face around here ever again!”

Everyone watched cautiously as the water cleansed the last of the Jenova cells from the lifestream, one last thin scream issuing from the crater as Jenova was destroyed once and for all. Gathering around in a loose circle, each of them looked around at each other in awe, wondering if they had really done what they thought they did. Barret laughed, falling to the ground. “Damn, never again, I tell ya!”  
  
Tifa joined him with a sigh, looking up at Chaos curiously. “So, is this it? Is it over?”

Though everyone generally looked optimistic, Chaos was watching the lifestream thoughtfully. “ **Not quite. There is still the matter of the impure souls. As for Jenova, it is over.** ” Frowning, he turned to her. “ **Lucrecia will not make it to the center of the lifestream. She used the last of her strength to give Sephiroth the truth.** ” His head tilted, again looking at the crater. “ **I can think of but one solution, but you must trust me.** ”

Barret grumbled. “That's a pretty tall order, considering!”

Surprisingly, Tifa met the demon's eyes bravely. “I know you have as much invested in this as Vincent does. If you have an idea, I will trust you.”

Chaos chuckled, watching her with wry amusement. “ **Rash, but well founded. Come, then. I may need all of you.** ”

 


	14. Chapter 14

 

Letting Go – Ch. 14

* * *

Chaos crouched as he looked into the bare lifestream in the crater, trying to listen to the voices in the flow. He couldn't hear them as well as a Cetra, but he had been part of the planet for far too long to be ignorant of the thoughts and feelings in it. The others were behind him but he ignored them, eyes closing as he tuned in to what little he could hear. **Hmm, well. This makes things harder.**

From within, Vincent watched with him.  _ What is it? _

**There is just this one last thing. We must enter the lifestream.**

_What? Enter the lifestream?_

He turned now to the group, looking at each of them briefly. “ ** The impure souls have moved on from here, and without someone to delve within and find the Cetra, there is little we can do for them. I have no choice but to enter it myself. ** ”

Cloud looked understandably bothered, having been in the lifestream before himself. “I barely managed to make it out when I fell into it. Do you think you could survive long enough to make it in and back?”

The demon considered it, weighing the thought in his mind. “ ** I have been part of the lifestream before. It does not hinder me as it would you. However, I have no intention of returning. ** ”

Now Cid frowned, hilt of his spear grinding into the dirt. “The hell you mean? Where are ya going?”

“ **It makes sense now. Lucrecia was the one to put me in, she must be the one to remove me. Now that she has been freed into the lifestream, her consciousness will take anywhere from days to years to fade into the other personalities within. While she is still herself, I can find her and have her separate us.** ”

Tifa gasped, her brows drawing together with worry. “What about Vincent?”

“ **I will guide him to the surface, but it will be up to him to sustain it.** ” Holding up a claw to silence protests, he listened to Vincent's voice briefly. “ **He believes he would survive, if our separation itself would not kill him.** ”

She came close, not the least afraid of the way the demon now watched her strangely. “Do you think it will?”

“ **It is hard to say, but I know I must go while I can still locate Lucrecia in the lifestream. I must leave now.** ”

“I... see.” Steeling herself against the implications, she resolved to meet them with a brave face. “Farewell then, Chaos.” Her eyes glittered with fearful tears, though she held strong against the uncertainty, feet firmly planted and chin raised tall. She shook with exhaustion, pain and worry, but she shook it off, giving him one last bold smile.

Chaos merely shook his head, confounded by her. “ ** You humans are strange creatures. Perhaps one day I will understand you. ** ” Watching the flow of the lifestream in the crater, he looked at all of them one last time. “ ** If I follow the flow, it will end in Mideel. ** ” Almost against his will, he found his clawed hand placed on Tifa's brow respectfully. “ ** I will do what I can, but I must be free. Farewell. ** ” He didn't hesitate another moment, knowing the best time to act was now. Diving into the lifestream as quickly as he could, he swam into its depths, seeking out Lucrecia.

Deep in the lifestream, Chaos looked every direction, feeling out the different souls as he moved on, wings helping him charge faster. Lucrecia hadn't gone overly far, but she was still intertwined with Sephiroth and their spirits were mingling too tightly for him to latch on to either one with his thoughts. Then Lucrecia saw him, her form slowly manifesting in the stream as she separated from her son. Sephiroth was nearby, watching him with calm blue eyes that now looked clear and free of their anger and hatred. They parted enough for Chaos to near, but Sephiroth never strayed far.

Lucrecia neared Chaos, still getting used to the flow of the lifestream.  _ Well, there you are. I know why you are here. It's strange, here in the lifestream I can understand everything. I can free you, Chaos, but I don't know what might happen to Vincent. _

He drew closer, wings guarding them from the influence of others in the flow.  ** I will protect him. Do what you must and I will guard him. I owe him as little as that. **

She smiled. _ You have changed somehow. _ Glancing for a moment back to Sephiroth, her smile grew warmer.  _ It will take time for everything to come clear, but I know we will resolve our pain together. Come, let me see if I can release the seal. _

Tensing for only a moment as her hands came to his broad chest, he winced as he felt his ties to his host becoming undone. It burned, and he bore it as long as he could until he was forced to let his form fall away and Vincent replaced him. Now outside of the demon's protection, he was subjected to the mental strain of being in the midst of the lifestream. He couldn't recall if he had screamed in his agony.

Sephiroth's ethereal hand was suddenly on his back, guiding him as they moved deeper. Glancing at him through the pain, Vincent looked on with confusion.  _ Sephiroth? _

Cool but understanding mako eyes watched back, nodding in answer.  _ It is finished. Without Jenova, we are all free. There is still much I don't understand, don't know, but the anger, the pain... it is not as hard to bear. It is a burden that has been lifted, though I still have weight to stand beneath. We are near the center. _

The light grew brighter, the center of the planet glowing white. A new presence noticed them, swirling around them slowly. Forming out of the clear white light, Aerith's shimmering image put her own hand on his arm.  _ Vincent, I never expected to see you in here! I can see a lot has happened in my absence! _

Despite the pain he found himself smiling at her.  _ You have missed... quite a bit. There is a small favor I must ask of you. _

Her laugh rang out louder than the surging tide around him, eyes glinting with amusement. _How like you to get straight to the point!_ _You know I'm glad to help, you only need to ask._

_The lifestream is still tainted by impure souls, but we cannot reach them as you can. If they are either purified or purged, Chaos can be freed from me safely._

She nodded knowingly.  _ Ah, yes. There are others here, you know. _ Gesturing as best as she could in her ethereal body, he now saw that there were several eyes watching them.  _ The other Cetra are here with me. I have family, and we are all here in this promised land. Maybe together we can make the others join us here. _

_Can you really do that?_

_Maybe. Not all of them believe they have done wrong, not all of them want redemption, but we can try. I know we can at least try! I want everyone to be part of the promised land, but they have to make that choice for themselves._

Sephiroth looked at each of them, pointing deeper into the stream.  _ The Cetra are deep, but I can hear them now. As I am, maybe the other impure souls can see what Jenova has done through me. It might make them understand as I now understand. _

A jolt of pain raced through Vincent's body as he felt Chaos being torn from him. Aerith neared to give mental comfort as he strained and Lucrecia spoke to him with her new strength.  _ I am almost finished, the last part is the hardest. It will be very painful. _

He only shook his head.  _ I will bear it. I will bear any amount of pain to know that the world has been set right. _ To his left, Sephiroth chuckled, watching him with amusement. The pain quickly grew, his form torn asunder as Chaos was wrenched from him. Everything became pure pain, nothing but white filling his senses for few but hard seconds. Suddenly dark wings surrounded him, his body shuddering as he tried to cling to whatever he could. Clawed hands found his shoulders, wings diverting the flow of the lifestream as they moved away from the center.

** Hold tight to me, human. We are halfway there. ** His wings pumped as he again powered through the planet, guiding them as Vincent clung to his waist. He knew that the lifestream wasn't a place to linger, though he took a moment to glance at the torn human in his grasp. This wasn't good, he was fading. With a sigh Chaos touched Vincent's brow, summoning his power.  ** You are alive somehow, but you are weak. Take my energy as I have taken yours. **

Vincent, shuddering in the wake of having his soul essentially ripped in two, couldn't control himself, feeling the warm energy drifting into him slowly as he fought against the madness of the other souls in the lifestream. He felt like a child, lost and alone in the great wide expanse of the planet, his guardian one of the monsters that some had nightmares about. Clinging to the familiar demon he allowed himself to relax in the clawed grip, trusting even as his willpower threatened to fade.

It was unclear how long he had been in the planet. When he came out, spluttering and weak, dragged from the lifestream by Chaos, the sun was long out of the sky. His eyes slowly opened and he saw his friends moving to meet him, some yelling with relief, others more subdued. As he slowly regained his wits, he saw Chaos crouched over him protectively. Though he couldn't comprehend the significance at the time, he stored the moment away for later.

“ **You have survived.** ” The demon's claws touched his brow. “ **You will still carry my mark, but you and I are no longer one. Thank you, Vincent Valentine. May we not meet again any time soon.** ” A smirk crossed his face as he turned away, falling back into the lifestream on an unknown journey, finally free to seek a path that pleased him. On the shore of the Mideel crater, everyone now converged on the barely conscious Vincent.

Fading in and out of consciousness, he barely felt the arms that came to lift him. The voices of the lifestream still haunted him, loud and soft, clear and indistinct. His soul had lingered a long time among them, tearing apart as it sought to join them, and for hours he was neither here nor there. Thoughts and feelings lingered in his dreams, souls of the past visiting him as they willed. He was floating, swirling amid the many others within the void.

“Vincent, please wake up!” Tifa's voice sounded as if it were underwater, fading quickly and muffled under the pressure of his surroundings. Instinct told him to search for that voice, though right now it seemed so far away. A long journey filled with so many steps. Aerith found him at one time, guiding him back to the surface where light became blue and the white of the haze fell away, though he drifted again in the swell of the flow.

_It's time for you to go, Vincent. As much as I love the company, the others have missed you._ Aerith smiled, her hand grabbing to his intangible one and launching him into the sky. In a sudden jolt he was back in his body, lurching as pain shot through him violently. Panting and heaving, his fingers clung to whatever was nearby, tangling in sheets and blankets as he writhed in agony. Someone came to him, arms around his shoulders, holding him as he fought off the pain.

“It's alright, you'll be okay. I'm right here.”

That voice penetrated the dreams and nightmares, louder than any of the presences flowing past. He gripped her firmly, knowing her even in his deepest wanderings. “Tifa...” His eyes slowly opened, adjusting to the light coming past the thin curtains in the room. Though he was still plagued by intense pain, it was slowly waning, his awareness finally coming through into the here and now. Breathing slowed and calmed, the sweat on his brow gently wiped away with a cool wet cloth. Finally meeting her watchful look, his eyes met ones that were overflowing with love and relief.

“You're alright.” She pulled him close, laying his head on her chest as she rubbed his back, not sure who she was reassuring. “You were gone such a long time.”

His voice, cracking and weary, felt dry and shaky. “How long?”

Forcing a glass of water on him, she watched closely to gauge his reaction. “It's been nearly a week now. You're at the new hospital in Mideel.”

He recovered enough to find a small amount of his humor. “Why is it that every time we come to Mideel someone is on the brink of death?”

Her laugh came with joyful tears, and she soon let go of him to lay him back down onto the bed. “If you need anything at all, I'll be here. I'll just go tell the others that you woke up and I'll come back. They were really worried, you know.”

“Were they?” His brow quirked, and he realized he hadn't the energy for much else. For once he was very very tired.

“Oh you would have loved to see everyone's faces when you and Chaos came out of the lifestream! I don't know what we would have done without Nanaki, he could sense where you were every now and then. He has really grown these past years, I know Bugenhagen would be proud of how far he has come in his studies. Cloud was able to hear Aerith.” She grinned fondly. “I wish I could have heard her too, but I wasn't as good at that, even if I have been in the lifestream before. Did you know Shera is pregnant? The look on Cid's face! I'll never forget it! He looked like he was ready to faint!”

Vincent chuckled weakly. “I'll bet.”

“Yuffie went back to Wutai for a while to check on her chocobo project. She finally bred a gold and is going to make a whole stable full of them! Reeve called, he was disappointed that he didn't get to join the battle but he was worried about you too. He flew in a few specialists to watch over you, and he brought in this.” Handing him a card, she watched as he read it, barely having the strength to hold it.

It was a card covered with a large doodle from Marlene and Denzel, a fair rendition of a chocobo and writing that said get well soon. The big yellow chocobo made him laugh lightly at both the silly picture and the notion of Yuffie with her own hands full of chocobos. “It sounds like a great deal has happened in my absence.” He had to grin just slightly at how he was now echoing Aerith's words.

“You missed the new year, too.” She shrugged. “We're holding off on the official celebration until you get better.” Without warning, tears came down her cheeks. “We weren't sure what to do. There were fireworks in Edge and I heard it was a nice clear day for it.”

His hand drifted to her face, wiping away her tears with an energy he could barely sustain. “I'm alright now. I could hear you speaking to me. There are so many voices inside the planet.” Smiling slightly, he let his hand fall away. “Everyone lost is really in there.”

“Yeah... they are. I remember.” She grabbed his left hand, absently touching the metal. “Your eyes look different.”

“They do?”

“They're not red anymore.”

“They were that way before because of Chaos. I suppose they are now as they were before him.” A weary sigh came from his lips. “Are you disappointed?” he asked with a touch of humor.

“No!” Laughing again, she shook her head as she looked into his golden amber eyes. “This means he's gone, though, right?”

Trying to recall his time in the lifestream, he nodded. “I remember him saying that although I would still bear his mark, we are separated.” He glanced down at his right arm, bare and still raked with scars from Hojo's tampering. “I feel it, too. I feel tired, I feel... hungry. It's so foreign after all this time.”

“You're hungry?” Her eyes glittered happily, biting her lip as she restrained herself from getting to overjoyed and tiring him further. Standing up fast enough to make her chair stagger behind her, she charged to the door and shouted down the hall. “Hey, Vincent is hungry!”

From the hallway he could hear Cid yelling. “Tell em to make his own damn sandwich!” Even from here, though, they could hear the small amount of relief in the pilot's voice. “Ah damn it, Shera, the hell are you doing?”

Shera then came in, a bowl of soup ready on a tray. “I'm not about to let anyone starve while I'm around.” Setting the tray on the bedside table, she handed him a bowl of warm, mild broth. “There now, it shouldn't be too hot for you to drink right away.”

Taking the bowl with shaking fingers, Vincent managed to sit up enough to sip it slowly. “I heard that you are pregnant. How did Cid take it?”

She grinned impishly. “Not too badly, all things considered. He's still getting used to the idea.”

“It will take everyone a while to get used to the notion of Cid being a father.” He could barely choke down half of the bowl of broth, slight nausea creeping up as his energy left him. “I'm sorry, I can't quite...”

“Don't even think about apologizing! You are not to eat any more than you are able, alright?” Taking away the rest of the soup, she smiled at him before heading out the door. “We were so worried about you, we really weren't sure if you would make it. We're glad to have you back.”

Once Shera left, Tifa came again to sit in the chair. To his chagrin, though, he couldn't bear much more of anyone's company. He was just too tired. “Tifa...”

Her hand came to his brow, comforting him with her touch. “Please go back to sleep, Vincent. I'll be here when you wake up.”

 

* * *

It took another half of the week to get Vincent well enough to walk on his own and take care of himself. He was relocated to his apartment in Edge a few days later, recovering slowly but surely. One day, though, he had a rather unexpected knock on his door. Opening it, he was shocked to see Elena standing at his door, holding out a bag of groceries.

“Well don't just stand there, Valentine! Take them!”

Blinking away his shock, he took them numbly. “What is this about?”

Elena looked duly frustrated but she held her pride well. “I... I heard that you weren't feeling well. I know you've been taking care of my grandmother, so... never mind! What have you been doing out there?”

He huffed lightly at her flustered face. “It's a long story.” Turning away in just the slightest hint of invitation, he moved aside as she came in like she owned the place. Picking up on her confidence, he eyed her suspiciously. “Have you been coming here without my knowledge?”

“Well yeah, you've been asleep all the time. Someone had to bring you some food while all this mess has been going on.” She pointed at him sharply. “Do you have any idea what kind of things you stirred up around here? First all the ex-Soldiers who had been part of the Jenova project went crazy, causing all kinds of problems for me and Tseng! You know how hard that is to keep quiet? Then out of nowhere they're fine, they all stop in their tracks and go back to normal!”

He didn't quite know what to say. “I... did not realize this, but I'm glad they are well now.”

“And then there was the press everywhere and ugh! Whatever, I have to go. If you need me I'll be trying to cool down the rumors.”

“Thank you for your help, Elena. I didn't intend to cause quite so much trouble, but things are as they should be now.”

“Yeah maybe. Thanks.” She gave him a small smile. “And thanks for watching my grandmother. I can't always get off of work to take care of her. You're not so bad, Valentine.” As she left, she quickly spun around to face him one last time. “Oh, and the pizza box was a pretty good idea but I'd put it somewhere else now that people expect you to actually have food in your freezer.”

He laughed, catching her off guard enough to make her stare at him. “I will keep that in mind.”

 

* * *

Light music played in the small event hall, filtering through the speakers overhead. Everyone had pooled in a little money to rent out the hall to finally celebrate the new year, along with a new beginning for all of them. Cloud and Yuffie discussed chocobo racing strategies, Barret was trying to pull off the tough guy not enjoying himself look, and Cid, Nanaki and Reeve were clustered together at a table talking about current events. Shera was playing a party game with Denzel and Marlene, Reno and Rude lingering nearby, and Vincent walked over to join them.

Shera saw him approaching and waved to invite him to join the game. “Unless you want to talk politics with the boys, there isn't much else to do right now. Tifa is bringing over drinks for the adults, and I think Reeve said he had some people coming with food.”

He gave the briefest glance over to Cid's table. “As much as talking politics is... enthralling, I don't think I will join them.”

Denzel ran up to him, grabbing his arm to get his attention. “Hey, I heard everyone beat up Jenova again! Did we really save the world again?”

Vincent ruffled the boy's hair gently. “We couldn't have done it without your help, Denzel, or Marlene's. You helped save the world too.”

Then Marlene came to him, her bright eyes wide. “We helped Uncle Reeve at work!”

“I had heard that,” he said. “From what he told me, you are both doing a great job.”

Shera smiled, patting both of the children on the back. “They were helping the other Turks finish up all of their work.”

From the corner, Reno huffed indignantly. “Had us babysitting!”

Rude eyed him, his glance irritated. “Not much different from any other day. My charges were simply short.”

“WHAT?” Reno rounded on his partner, though he didn't make it far as both Vincent and Shera managed to hold him back. “What are you getting at, man?”

Merely shrugging, Rude moved off to another corner, setting up tables. Reno threw his hands in the air in submission, resigning himself to helping with the setup. Vincent chuckled at the two and then looked at Denzel and Marlene. “How about we give them a hand?”

Tifa came in with drinks, awarding a cheer from the men, and soon enough the party was on. Placing them on the table, she made her way to Vincent, smiling when she saw how he had entertained the children with helping the others. “You got pressed into work too?”

He took a moment to look at the dress he had bought her for the holiday, the red silk and gold embroidery matching well with her deep brown hair and wine red eyes. “After making them miss the new year to begin with, it was only fair.”

Grinning, she flicked an imaginary speck of dust from his dark dress suit. “You had a pretty good excuse, you know!” She handed him a glass of dark red wine. “Besides, two celebrations are always better than one.”

“I'm not much of one for large gatherings.”

“I suppose not.” She looked at him, sizing him up in his dark suit and red tie. He had come a long way from when they had first met, but he was still the type to prefer small, quiet company. As much as she loved the company of her friends, she could appreciate the need for peace and quiet sometimes.

Taking a comfortable spot by the wall, he watched as others paired off to dance in the energetic music, memories of another time and place drifting faintly through his mind. This was a different time and place, though, and he smiled to himself as he firmly made the distinction. “You know, though, this is... just the right amount.”

She shot him a winning smile, looking over to laugh at Barret being pestered by Marlene for a dance. “I better save him from humiliation! I'll be back!” Running to Barret's rescue, she stooped to talk to Marlene, both of them gathering Shera and Yuffie into a circle to do a playful dance. Reno sulked, munching down crackers and cheese, flicking crumbs at the back of Rude's head when he wasn't looking. Cloud was dragged into the circle by Yuffie, much to his chagrin, but he tolerated standing there for a moment before sneaking away at the next opportunity.

Nanaki came to sit next to him by the wall, looking up at him thoughtfully. “I suppose there is really no way to know if time will move for you again now, not for a while anyway. Do you suppose it has?”

Looking down at his friend, Vincent regarded him slowly. “Hard to say. I have the need to eat and sleep again, and I no longer feel even the presence of Chaos anywhere. I'm optimistic.”

“Ah. I will miss you, then.”

“I know this will leave you on your own when we pass, but now that I think of it, you will have an important task.” Hesitating, he put his hand on Nanaki's head, glad when it was allowed despite the lion's tendencies. “This world is a forgetful one. Hundreds of years from now, Sephiroth and Jenova will have degraded into myth and legend, and people will wonder why we had ever feared them to begin with. You, and any mate you might find out there, would be around to remind others of what once was.”

Nanaki appeared disappointed. “I'm not sure how important that can really be.”

“Well, what was this planet like four hundred years ago?”

“I... hm, I don't know. History has been vague on that.” Tail flicking happily, he offered his friend a toothy grin. “I see what you mean. We can write books and tell stories, but to remember and tell things from the perspective of being there is a much different thing. Even with the forgetfulness of centuries, if I find a mate and have my own young, it would be long before those stories would turn into myths in my own bloodline.”

“Just so.” Withdrawing his hand, he crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the wall. The music grew slower in tone, some dancing while others went for snacks. Tifa then came up to him, smiling as she held out her hand.

“Hey, you can't support the wall all night.”

Taking her hand, he nodded slightly. “Might I have this dance, then?” They moved to a farther portion of the dance floor, easing into the dance lightly.

“I heard that all of the people who were affected by Jenova are now recovering quickly. A few aren't doing as well, but they're getting the best help possible.”

He chuckled slightly. “Just as Elena was telling me. How long has she been coming to my apartment anyway?”

“A while,” she said with a mischievous grin. “Something about... paying you back?” Her grin grew wider and he realized that she now knew the whole story.

“I'll never be rid of them,” he remarked dryly. “Even Reno has been a little too helpful.”

She took a moment to look towards the redhead, noticing him grudgingly handing Marlene a plate of food. “It is a bit much to get used to, but maybe this is just one step in the right direction.” Moving closer into his arms, she looked up at him with a smile. “That's what this was all about, right? A new start, a new beginning.”

“Even later it was hard to see what the future might bring, but I am glad we all have one.” Hearing the popping of fireworks outside, he looked at her curiously. “It must be midnight.”

Everyone ran out of the hall, going out to watch the fireworks. Tifa went to follow them but stopped when she felt Vincent's hand clasp her own. “Are you coming?”

Pulling her close, he leaned in to kiss her softly. “Happy new year.”

“Happy new year.” Holding up her glass to his, she tried to think of something to toast to. “Hmm... to a bright new future!”

“Agreed.” He drank to that, pausing to put the glass down when she lingered. Catching her glance, he took her hand again. “Speaking of new beginnings, there was something I had meant to ask you.” Swallowing back the lump in his throat, he closed her hands around a small box. As she opened the box, gasping slightly at the simple but elegant garnet and diamond ring inside, he found himself looking at the floor nervously. “I know I am far from perfect, but if you would have me, I can promise that I will be here for you.”

Throwing her arms around his waist she laughed joyfully, accepting him with a loving kiss. “That's all I would ever ask.”

 

* * *

 

 


End file.
